Nov 9 2007IMDB Treating Chimps Like Man
While looking up something about Mathew Broderick on IMDB (it turns out the "trivia" section doesn't say how he keeps his boyish good looks), I came across the listing for 1987's Project X, starring the young actor as an Air Force cadet in charge of watching some chimpanzees being used in a project.
This alone didn't bother me that much--movies like Ed and MVP: Most Valuable Primate have numbed me to the terrible genre that IMDB has dubbed "simian fiction"--but what did fill me with unbridled rage was noticing that not one, but ten chimps are given higher billing than Matthew Broderick.
Don't get me wrong; I couldn't care less about where his name appears in the credits. The issue is this: why are we treating screen monkeys like actors? (Moreover: people.)
Jesus, they're trained animals. It's not like they're up there actually emoting. Having some peanut butter smeared on your gums to make it looks like you're talking, or jumping up and down as your trainer waves a baton, should not qualify you for your own IMDB listing.
What is the point? Am I supposed to know these guys, have favorites?
"Who is that playing Goofy? He's really good. Wait, that's Okko? I love Okko! I thought I recognized him. He's my favorite screen chimp."
Are there legitimate reasons for this to exist, outside of angering me? Who is your favorite screen chimp?
Reader Comments
1. Grace - November 9, 2007 3:40 PM
Has Matthew Broderick actually done 10 movies with chimps in them?
2. Wayne - November 9, 2007 3:44 PM
ten chimps in the film, hopefully not career.
3. Grace - November 9, 2007 3:52 PM
Oooh! I was going to say. But I guess all that experience around monkeys is why he can stay married to Sarah Jessica Parker.
4. Chris - November 9, 2007 3:58 PM
"Who is your favorite screen chimp?"
Cornelius.
5. Quinn - November 9, 2007 3:59 PM
Clearly you've never seen Project X. Those chimps were so damn good. Especially when they flew in their little chimp planes. Besides....Matthew Broderick acts like a chimp through most of that movie, so it's only fitting that the chimps acting like air force pilots get higher billing.
6. Dracula Jones - November 9, 2007 4:39 PM
Project X is incredible. VIRGIL FREE!
7. Mella - November 9, 2007 6:22 PM
Interesting. I didn't realize you did editorials. Aren't your kind supposed to be striking?
Incidentally, my favorite on-screen chimp is John Madden.
8. Feckless - November 9, 2007 7:05 PM
So are any of those chimps ghey yet married? Maybe Matthew could teach them other things with that baton.
9. dickaroo - November 10, 2007 10:06 AM
Well, man, the same could be said of Jessica Simpson, Jessica Alba, Mischa Barton and so on and so forth...
10. Tom - November 11, 2007 2:16 AM
You make a good point, so I feel like a dick pointing out that they're actually apes.
"Having some peanut butter smeared on your gums to make it looks like you're talking, or jumping up and down as your trainer waves a baton, should not qualify you for your own IMDB listing."
I can't believe nobody has yet said "how do you think Andie McDowell sustained a career for so long?"
11. Baghdaddy - November 12, 2007 8:31 AM
Cornelius: [reading from the sacred scrolls of the apes] Beware the beast Man, for he is the Devil's pawn. Alone among God's primates, he kills for sport or lust or greed. Yea, he will murder his brother to possess his brother's land. Let him not breed in great numbers, for he will make a desert of his home and yours. Shun him; drive him back into his jungle lair, for he is the harbinger of death.
The apes will one day rule the earth.
My favorite on-screen chimps are the Olsen twins.
12. Laura - July 30, 2008 10:16 AM
There was a big campaign to get Tarzan's 76 year old chimp, Cheetah, a Hollywood Star, but apparently Tinkerbell and the Village People beat him out.
http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20207836,00.html
wow, I can't stop looking at that picture.