Oct 8 2007Open Letter to Makers of 'Anaconda' 3 & 4
Dear Sony:
I just read you have commissioned two more Anaconda films, replacing all of the original and sequel stars with David Hasselhoff. Why?
Granted, I don't know the people who saw Anaconda and its sequel, Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid, but I'll trust you that they exist and paid to see J.Lo fight a large snake. (By the way, did they get the Blood Orchid?) I doubt, however, that these hypothetical people would bother watching the same situation two more times.
More importantly, I think you're misinterpreting the recent popularity of David Hasselhoff. As a member of the coveted 18-35 demographic, I assure you we do not actually equate him with quality products or acting. If that were the case, we would be watching falsely-titled America's Got Talent and Baywatch reruns. Interest in David Hasselhoff is limited to jokes about his singing, bare chest, Knight Rider, and the above video of him drunkenly eating a hamburger. Similarly, we do not want movies with Chuck Norris or that kid who cries for Britney Spears just because they enjoyed a moment of popularity through the internet and novelty t-shirts.
Thank you for your time, and please never make these.
PS: Also, we won't think it's cute if an anaconda is on a plane.
Anaconda 3 and 4 shooting [Moviehole]
Reader Comments
1. cbobgo - October 8, 2007 5:15 PM
why anyone would ever consider hiring him for anything other than a spoof on Knight Rider is beyond me.
Thanks for straitening out those f*tards at sony.
2. Kim - October 8, 2007 9:14 PM
Oh, I saw Anaconda and LOVED it. To be fair, I was 11. And yes, these versions will be horribly awesome, especially after a bottle of wine. Bring it on, Hasselhoff!!
3. Sisco - October 9, 2007 9:21 AM
You're welcome for the tip.
And I guarantee these movies will make great stoned/drinking game movies. Can't wait for the DVD's.