Geekologie I Watch Stuff The Superficial

Open Letter to Makers of 'Anaconda' 3 & 4

October 8, 2007 / anaconda 3, anaconda 4, casting, david hasselhoff, letter, news, sci-fi

Dear Sony:

I just read you have commissioned two more Anaconda films, replacing all of the original and sequel stars with David Hasselhoff. Why?

Granted, I don't know the people who saw Anaconda and its sequel, Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid, but I'll trust you that they exist and paid to see J.Lo fight a large snake. (By the way, did they get the Blood Orchid?) I doubt, however, that these hypothetical people would bother watching the same situation two more times.

More importantly, I think you're misinterpreting the recent popularity of David Hasselhoff. As a member of the coveted 18-35 demographic, I assure you we do not actually equate him with quality products or acting. If that were the case, we would be watching falsely-titled America's Got Talent and Baywatch reruns. Interest in David Hasselhoff is limited to jokes about his singing, bare chest, Knight Rider, and the above video of him drunkenly eating a hamburger. Similarly, we do not want movies with Chuck Norris or that kid who cries for Britney Spears just because they enjoyed a moment of popularity through the internet and novelty t-shirts.

Thank you for your time, and please never make these.

PS: Also, we won't think it's cute if an anaconda is on a plane.

Anaconda 3 and 4 shooting [Moviehole]

  •
    JJ Abrams' 'Star Trek' Now Tyler Perry's 'Star Trek'
    January 2, 2008
    After providing their fictional future universe with a black, blind dweeb, a gruff black guy with bumps on his head and sash, a black commander and IBM endorser, and a black Spock, the owners of the Star Trek franchise are clearly running out of ways to push the series into the... / Continue →
  • Winona Ryder 'Steals' Part as Spock's Mom. Because of the Whole Shoplifting Thing. Get it?
    November 9, 2007
    Winona Ryder has taken the role of Spock's mother in JJ Abram's Star Trek prequel. And, strangely, Variety reports that the role is of a Vulcan mother, making it unclear if this is a change from the original (Spock's mother is human, duh) or simply a typo, because, honestly, sh... / Continue →
  • Bruce Greenwood is Pike, Real Husband Material
    November 8, 2007
    Filling in one of the final pieces to the Star Trek casting puzzle that JJ Abrams has kept hidden like a Lost plot point, the role of Christopher Pike has been given to Bruce Greenwood. Now, of course you know who Christopher Pike is, since everyone has watched the unaired pil... / Continue →
    • There are Comments