Sep 20 2007'Sex and the City' Spoilers: BECAUSE YOU CAN'T WAIT!!!
above: Chris Noth (Mr. Big) poses with Sarah Jessica Parker (a horse).
May 30, 2008, after years of anxious waiting, audiences will be treated to what may be the most anticipated movie in history, Sex and the City. On that date, the television show that took the artfulness of Citizen Kane and added shopping and screwing will finally reach theaters, from which it will be drastically edited and shown on TBS.
But if you're like me, YOU CAN'T F'ING WAIT THAT LONG! What is going on with with Mr. Big and Carrie??? Why don't you let me tell you! Here are some hot details, which may spoil the plot but not nearly as much as the show has spoiled society:
- The long-infertile Charlotte (Kristin Davis) is now pregnant! In a scene shot Thursday morning on the corner of 70th & Lexington at a restaurant called Luni, Charlotte and Big are coming out of the restaurant when Charlotte's water breaks. She tries to hail a cab, when Big throws her in his car.
- Big and Carrie are moving in together and they are apartment-hunting in NYC.
- Carrie and the girls discuss men and sex through a series of poorly-written, unrealistic conversations.*
- Carrie discovers that the name "Big" applies less to his sexual organ, more to his enormous collection of Big memorabilia, in a scene where Mr. Big demands, "Fuck me on this giant toy keyboard, in front of the innocent eyes of the fortune telling machine!"*
- Samantha (Kim Cattrall) is revealed to be an animate mannequin.* Also, an enormous slut.
- In the final scene, it's revealed that the entire series was taking place in the mind of an autistic child. A really shallow, slutty autistic child.*
*unconfirmed.
'Sex and the City' Is Back [OMG!]
Reader Comments
1. p0nk - September 20, 2007 5:20 PM
omg FIRST omg!!!
2. sir colin of hunt - September 20, 2007 5:21 PM
There is no God. Well, duh.
3. Grant - September 20, 2007 5:23 PM
EEEEEEEEE! EEEEEEEEEEEE! EEEEEEE! I can't wait!
4. micros101 - September 20, 2007 5:28 PM
someone kill me now.
5. This show will SUCK!!! Just show it on "Lifetime". - September 20, 2007 5:31 PM
It must be a woman writing this shit, because this is certainly not the "most anticipated movie in history".
6. The Ambassador - September 20, 2007 5:38 PM
I never knew Mr. Ed co-starred in Sex and the City...
7. I hate celebrities - September 20, 2007 5:52 PM
Dear God of Holywood
First off I hate you and the miserable sack of shit celebrities you watch over. Please make with a giant flood/hurricane/earthquake. And about this slutfest of a 'movie" I couldn't fucking care less if I tried. Please try to keep this vile hideous tripe to a minimum. the real people of the world(those not filled with venerial disease and sillicone) don't deserve to see this kind of worthless aweful crap.
8. Kitty Tibet - September 20, 2007 6:05 PM
I hope to God the clothes in the movie are better than that monstrous outfit Sarah Jessica Parker's wearing in that promo picture - ugh - and the shoes - gag - and that stupid twee Eiffel Tower purse , or is that a dildo?
9. sickboy - September 20, 2007 6:13 PM
Square-Pegs. Square-Pegs. Square Square-Pegs.
10. THEODORE PANNULLO - September 20, 2007 6:13 PM
Shit on the small screen just becomes a wider load of shit on the wide screen. Who the fuck cares?
11. BunnyButt - September 20, 2007 6:16 PM
zzzzzzz huh? what? zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
12. CHERRYLEMONADE - September 20, 2007 6:31 PM
LOVE IT! SO EXCITED. CAN'T BREATHE.........................
13. Vag-lover223 - September 20, 2007 6:32 PM
There is no need for this fucking movie. The series wrapped up nice and tidy. And I hope 'most anticipated movie in history' is a joke.
14. vivalicious - September 20, 2007 6:38 PM
ok - all you people who freak out and get so excited about being first to comment on here are fucking LAME
15. NYorker - September 20, 2007 6:47 PM
men don't like sex and the city. men hate sex and the city. this has long been known, so get over yourselves. men love to watch women having sex with each other, but can't stand to watch women talk about sex with each other. Duh. So, go watch Transformers or Final Fantasy or Die Hard, because those are real paragons of film making.
16. Ethan Duke - September 20, 2007 6:56 PM
Artfulness of Citizen Kane????? Most anticipated movie EVER??? You must be out of your mind.
17. JagedNS - September 20, 2007 6:58 PM
looking at Sarah Jessica Parker makes me throw up a little in my mouth. Well actually it's more than a little. Her face and voice are like fingernails on a chaulkboard annoying imo.
yeesh. I can't believe they are making a movie out of this. Next thing you'll be telling me they're making an Iron Man movie.
18. zil - September 20, 2007 7:04 PM
FUCK THIS. That show is miserable.
19. Lisa - September 20, 2007 7:10 PM
Do any of you posting responses to this article realize that it's all one big friggin joke? My lord, do you actually believe that the writers of this site have been waiting with bated breath for this pile of dung?! You're all delusional! Also, you need to get your sarcas-o-metres checked, they're failing miserably.
20. yr mom - September 20, 2007 7:26 PM
Omg. Thank you Lisa. ^
People are retarded.
21. brittany - September 20, 2007 7:27 PM
Wow--why is no one else excited about this movie? I, for one (or two), am.
22. Caroline Smith - September 20, 2007 8:34 PM
To all of you ladies (and very special gents) out there, the best way to cope with the ever-so-agonizing anticipation for THE movie of our lives, spin a few episodes of Season Three (welcoming Aiden) and guzzle down the finest bottle of $5 wine you can find. Perfection....okay, a little pathetic. I'm from Michigan, give me a break.
23. jacknasty - September 20, 2007 8:38 PM
19 - Thank you! LOL, I'm surprised people like 5, 16 can even turn on a computer lol
24. databody - September 20, 2007 8:51 PM
you know what really ties horse face's outfit together in that picture?
the punk as fuck stud belt.
it's like 5 different styles just took a gigantic, colorful shit on her.
25. kimmy - September 20, 2007 9:40 PM
Can't wait!!!! Yippee!!!!!! Love it!!!!!!
26. JaneaneTheAcerbicGoblin - September 20, 2007 10:52 PM
#15, I hate Sex and the City. It's a crap show, highly overrated, and it's not a "chick" thing to me. It's just a sitcom with dirty words and occasional nudity. It's not this great, realistic show on relationships.
27. L.Linus - September 20, 2007 10:53 PM
This is a money grab only. The series was getting tired and old just before it finished. There really nothing left for the series. Cynitha Nixon is a Lesbo, Sarah Jessica Parker has never been pretty, Kim Cattrell is okay but she's almost 50 years old, and Kristin Davis is pretty, but can't carry anything. Bust a cap in it, the fat lady sang, circle the drain and whatever!!!!!
28. cookie monsta - September 20, 2007 11:34 PM
well the series was ok, but I will be praying for a natural disaster finale in the "movie of the year"
29. shankyouverymuch - September 20, 2007 11:56 PM
This poor woman, the older she gets the more PONY-like she looks! Sticks for a body with a giant horses head. Look at the nose people, a family of 9 could comfortably take shelter in that thing for the entire winter - she is a YUCKFEST in every way!
30. skinny hot btch - September 21, 2007 12:28 AM
i hate sjp..she looks like a fugly diseased mutated bird. why the fck? is she on tv? ugly btch!!!! die!!!!
31. skinny hot btch - September 21, 2007 12:32 AM
by the way...her perfume smells like a piece of horse shit in a bottle. don't even try testing it...cuz u'll turn into an ugly horse. who fucking wears sarah jessica parker perfume??? besides fat horse looking ugly people.
32. Who cares - September 21, 2007 6:44 AM
It's like, who cares, and like who would ever watch this, like, crap. Gag me with a spoon
33. Oeuf - September 21, 2007 7:52 AM
Men hate sex in the city because it shows women being promiscuous. Men who are promiscuous get called "studs" and "players" while women who sleep around are "sluts" and "whores". Fuck THAT double standard.
34. Oeuf - September 21, 2007 7:57 AM
Seriously, if this show had men as it's main characters no one would be calling THEM "sluts". Ugh, are we living in the 1950s or something?
35. Darth Hater - September 21, 2007 8:44 AM
@33: Um no, men hate Sex in the City because it features 4 middle aged women yapping non stop, and an annoying lead character, just like we hate Grey's Anatomy and Ally McBeal because the mains are neurotic psycho bitches. Actually, men LOVE shows with women being promiscuous...it's called PORN.
36. Meat Puppet - September 21, 2007 9:54 AM
You all miss the obvious point here: Now that SitC will be on the big screen, Chris Noth should finally recieve an Oscar for his performance as "Mr. Big."
I mean, this guy has to REALLY be a great actor if he can convince ANYONE that hed willingly be even seen in public - let alone fuck - "Mr. Ed" in a green dress.
Screw Brando...Gene Hackman? A hack! DeNiro'? A putz!
Give me Noth, damn it! Now there's a guy who can sell ice to an eskimo! He can do a love sceen with SJP and she doesn't even have to wear the paperbag over her head!
Genious!
37. Melissa - September 21, 2007 9:57 AM
How exciting!! this show was really good. Men don't like the show because it speaks out loud all the things that are wrong with them! It shows men for the disgusting, stupid, useless pigs that they are and men can't deal with that.
Can't wait for the movie!!!
38. Obi Strip Kenobi - September 21, 2007 10:32 AM
So far last!
Ah maybe madame longintheface will finally have sex on screen without the convenient bra on? Surely the kids are grown up enough to see mum's boobies onscreen by now?
39. sportsdvl - September 21, 2007 12:29 PM
#37 - Gee, we can only imagine how much the guys like you with that shitty attitude. You probably can't figure out why guys bang you then never call - it's cause you are a bitch.
#1 - get over yourself. Being happy to post first is almost as lame as this movie coming out.
40. fuckhergently - September 21, 2007 4:34 PM
Anyone that references the ending to St. Elsewhere is okay in my book.
41. idriss - September 24, 2007 1:02 AM
hahahahahahahaha
42. brblife.com - September 25, 2007 5:59 PM
who cares
43. tamsan - May 30, 2008 7:34 AM
what the fuck is your final comment regarding an autistic child got to do with this movie if this movie is about stupid whores you should be the star!!!!!!!
44. none - May 30, 2008 7:39 AM
You are an idiot for your autistic comments. you obviously have no idea what you are talking about and should go and think about what you have said. you are an insulting person who shouldn't make such comments. autism is not what you said and you should shut your stupiid face befoer saying such a comment. you idiot.
45. St. Elsewhere - May 30, 2008 11:30 AM
It's referencing something you don't understand.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/St._Elsewhere_%28TV_series%29#Final_episode