Sep 28 2007Some Other Crap That Happened...
- Jessica Biel decided to pass on a role in Justice League of American, meaning the actress won't be wearing the Wonder Woman outfit. Guess it's back to drawing Jessica Biel wearing the Wonder Woman outfit. [EW]
- Jackass's Steve-O mentioned to Howard Stern that he's resting up for a third film in the series, which will start shooting in January. This means no hanging things from his scrotum until after the new year. [/Film]
- David Goyer, writer of Batman Begins, Blade, Dark City, The Crow: City of Angels, will direct Baltimore, or The Steadfast Tin Soldier and the Vampire. His parents and teachers pray this "dark and stormy vampire thing" is just a phase. [Variety]
- Wes Anderson's first film, Bottle Rocket, is finally getting the high-end DVD treatment it deserves with Criterion re-releasing it in their usual glory. It's now officially pretentious and cool to like it. [MTV]
- Sir Ben Kingsley announced plans to play the emperor who built the Taj Mahal in memory of his late wife. It's all part of Kingsley's greater plan to play every historical Indian guy. [Reuters]
Sep 28 2007Knight Rider: No Hoff, No Thanks
Following the success of Transformers, Variety reports that NBC has plans to try their hand at another intelligent car-based program, remaking '80s classic Knight Rider. Not only does the article claim the series will introduce the idiotic idea of evil rival talking cars to go against KITT, there is no mention of David Hasselhoff reprising his role as Michael Knight. The only way this makes sense is if there will be twenty men playing the role of Knight, which would be roughly equivalent to one Hasselhoff.
For those that don't remember the series, under the cut is the final episode, in which an off-screen KITT selfishly tries to stop Michael Knight from enjoying his cheeseburger.
Sep 28 2007'Funny Games' Poster Destroys Environment
Cinematical got a peek at the poster for the English-language remake of Funny Games, and I'm loving it. I'm not sure if it's the minimalism, strangely-placed text, or that Naomi Watts appears to be playing Dr. Blight from Captain Planet, but it's all really working.
'Funny Games' Poster [Cinematical]
Sep 28 2007'Karate Kid' to be Destroyed by Nine-Year-Old
I'm not one of these guys who things everything from his childhood is sacred. Looking back at G.I. Joe, Thundercats, Transformers, or any of these other '80s hits now being regurgitated by some Hollywood idiots, I have the presence of mind to say, "You know, maybe a show about anthropomorphic cats fighting a transforming mummy wasn't really that stellar to begin with." But with news that The Karate Kid is set to be remade with 9-year-old Will Smith spawn, Jaden, it raises an interesting question: what the f***?
Continue Reading "'Karate Kid' to be Destroyed by Nine-Year-Old"
Sep 28 2007This Guy is James T. Kirk?
With IESB reporting that Poseidon's Mike Vogel is the front-runner to be a young James T. Kirk in JJ Abrams' Star Trek prequel, I have just one thing to say: like hell he is.
Just from looking at him, I can tell you this man is not the daring captain we know and love. I'm sure Mike Vogel is a fine actor, and Abrams just worked with him on his untitled monster project, but there is no way this guy can fill the shiny black boots of William Shatner. I just can't see this guy seducing a green lady-alien without the use of roofies and a bottle of Long Island mix. He'll be ordering Coors Light from the replicator, and how long until he installs a sound system in the Enterprise and starts drag racing through the Neutral Zone?
In short: too much frat, not enough Shat.
Sep 28 2007'Saw IV' Looking Good for Brief Enthusiasts
IMAGE REMOVED
Here we see a typical Japanese dating ritual, in which the male strips to his underwear, locks himself in a glass box, and begs for the female to shit on him, humiliate him, and leave him filthy on the street. In exchange for this, she provides him with a pair of used panties in a jar and they're later married. I have no idea why this scene is in Saw IV, but there it is.
Look below the cut for another new shot from Saw IV that may ruin a crucial plot point.
Continue Reading "'Saw IV' Looking Good for Brief Enthusiasts"
Sep 28 2007Ridley Scott Talks 'Blade Runner: The Final Cut'
With the theatrical release of Blade Runner: The Final Cut next month and a huge DVD set coming in December, Wired has done a question and answer with Ridley Scott that discusses the film's new edits, its influences and legacy. I thought it was a good read, answering some questions I'd always had, but others are already complaining that the interview had too much voice-over, not enough unicorn-centric dream sequences, and left readers unsure whether or not the interviewee was human.
Q&A: Ridley Scott Has Finally Created the Blade Runner He Always Imagined [Wired]
Sep 28 2007AM Poster Post - 'Wall-E' Teaser Poster
I can't help but notice that the poster for Wall-E looks quite a bit like the poster to Short Circuit. Is this Pixar paying homage to their robot movie predecessor, or is this arrangement the only way to properly show the true majesty of a cute, goofy robot?
And sorry for the lack of posts today and yesterday. Time-Warner and I battling, but they seem to be winning so far. Hopefully it will be sorted out by Monday.
WALL-E Teaser Poster [Upcoming Pixar]
Sep 27 2007Schwartzman and Murray Predictably Join 'Mr. Fox'
Speaking to MTV Movies, Wes Anderson revealed some details about his upcoming adaptation of The Fantastic Mr. Fox, including the addition of Jason Schwartzman and Bill Murray to the voice cast. The director said:
George Clooney is going to be Mr. Fox. Bill Murray has a part. Jason [Schwartzman] is doing a voice. That’s our team.It will take a couple years to do the animating. It’s stop-motion. It’s like ‘Nightmare Before Christmas’ or those Christmas specials. These [characters] have fur, so it’s not like claymation.
The settings will be very natural. We want to use real trees and real sand, but it’s all miniature.
Now, if I'm not mistaken, I do believe Wes Anderson has used these actors before. If this entire week hadn't already been spent tearing him apart for making movies with the same themes, actors, and style of deadpan comedy, I'd probably have more to say about this, but now it just seems like shooting fish in a barrel. Will Owen Wilson play the estranged father character's voice, Wes?
Wes Anderson Enlists Bill Murray For ‘The Fantastic Mr. Fox’ [MTV]
Sep 27 2007AM Poster Post - 'Bordertown': Bad Poster, Great Burritos
Besides sounding like a Taco Bell knock-off, Bordertown stars The J.Lo as a journalist investigating a series of murders at the US/Mexico border and Antonio Banderas as someone not mentioned on the poster. If the effect they were going for was "poster for an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger," they f'in nailed it.
Bordertown Poster [IMPA]
Sep 26 2007'Hotel Chevalier' Free on iTunes
The Darjeeling Limited won't find limited release until Saturday, but you can get the 13-minute prologue, Hotel Chevalier, on iTunes this very second. It's just as sexy and charming and touching as people were saying, and will surely rule the sexiness category of your iTunes at least until Justin Timberlake makes another album.
And if that doesn't convince you, you also get to see Natalie Portman's bare heinie.
Hotel Chevalier [iTunes]
Sep 26 2007Michel Gondry Nears Self-Parody with Commercial
Though the making of will tell you otherwise, I'm forced to believe this new Motorola RAZR ad is not the work of Michel Gondry but someone cleverly parodying him. With that understood, it's awesome how this hilarious spoof so accurately captures all of the quirky stop-motion, exaggerated paper items, and child-like dreaminess that embodies every Michel Gondry video ever. Man, and good thing it's not really Gondry, because he'd be looking like a real one-trick pony to create such a mundanely typical short.
Also hilarious are these AT&T ads, in which another clever prankster made commercials that you'd swear were the overtly-stylized, complexly-designed work of Wes Anderson.
Sep 26 2007Zack Snyder Gives Crazy 'Watchmen' Update
At first glance, Zack Snyder's Watchmen video seems like a pleasant if not boring update on the status of a highly-anticipated comic book adaptation. He says everything is going well the first week, everyone loves the material, and the actors and crew are all "cool."
Around that point, you start to realize the thick stubble, the mess of wild hair, the animal-like glare, and it becomes apparent that you're staring into the eyes of a mad woodsman. More than likely, the cast and crew of Watchmen are slaughtered, caged, and half-eaten in the deep woods of Canada, those alive praying someone will see through the killer's thinly-veiled cover-up video. This post is dedicated to those brave men and women. Good luck to you all.
Watchmen Greeting [WB]
Sep 26 2007'Sex and the City' Cast Patrol Streets
Time to choose the most valid caption for this image!
a.) After years of waiting, the four stars of Sex and the City reunite on the streets of their celebrated city.
b.) The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.
c.) A standard, non-apocalyptic horse-man being led by well-dressed ladies.
d.) A horse et al.
PS: If I haven't made this clear, I think Sarah Jessica Parker has more horse head than The Godfather.
All Four Ladies on the Sex and the City Set [ComingSoon]
Sep 26 2007'PVC-1' Trailer Has Me Eager for 'PVC-2'
As a movie blogger, one of the complaints I hear most often concerning modern films is that they tend to be composed of numerous shots that form a larger narrative. The moment I post the new Harry Potter trailer or whatever, it's only moments before I start hearing "too many shots," "ugh, edits" or "it looks like they may have used some technique of stopping the camera and starting it again at a different place and time, bypassing unnecessary action."
Well, your cries have been answered in the form of PVC-1, a real-time Columbian film consisting of a single 81-minute shot, telling the story of a woman held captive with a bomb around her neck. In keeping America competitive in the single-shot market, the opening shot of The Player will now be edited to run back-and-forth for 82 minutes before moving on.
PVC 1 Trailer and Review [Latino Review]
Sep 26 2007Kevin James to Play 'Mall Cop' ...of Queens
You know one profession that hasn't been degraded enough through history? Mall cops. Despite the late hours, the goofy cop-like uniforms, the incessant mocking by teenagers, the stupid little cart with the flashing yellow light, and the lack of absolutely any actual power, I worry this group may be getting a bit haughty. And though the security guard is almost always portrayed in film as a bumbling boob sleeping on the job, an ineffective protector, or a comic relief, no one has really laid into these guys to let them know just how worthless they are.
Thankfully, Kevin James is set to deflate their egos a bit with a writing/starring gig in Mall Cop. The story tells of a fat, mild-mannered security guard who's forced to try to prevent a gang of organized thieves from robbing the mall. It should be hilarious to see how such an feeble waste as a mall cop will handle a dangerous situation! Probably much like the actual impotent law-keepers would handle it--stupidly! And because this is a Happy Madison production, we've got a great chance of Rob Schneider playing an ambiguously-retarded security guard with a funny voice! Take that, mall cops!
Kevin James to star in 'Mall Cop' [Variety]
Sep 26 2007Jonas Brothers are Disney's New Hanson, Earth's New Evil
Following the success of other teen musical stars like Hannah Montana, the Cheetah Girls, those little assholes from High School Musical, and others I'm surely forgetting, Disney is setting its sights on making the Jonas Brothers the next Tiger Beat sensation.
Kevin, Joe, and Nick (your guess is as good as mine as to who's who) will star as the cleverly-titled J.O.N.A.S.--Junior Operatives Networking as Spies--who thwart evil while working undercover as a superstar teen rock band. The nation breathes a collective sigh of relief that someone is picking up the work of Josie and the P****cats, absent save for a brief appearance since 1972.
Next, these little shits will hit the big screen in Disney's Camp Rock playing, in a bit of a casting twist, a superstar teen rock band that helps out in a rock camp. It's something like School of Rock but without any of the charm, replacing that with the intention of getting 12-year-old girls off.
Disney also plans a televised concert for the little pricks, to be immediately followed by a worldwide psychological reassessment to determine exactly why we'd allow the creation of another Hanson.
Disney spree for Jonas sibs [Hollywood Reporter]
Sep 26 2007AM Poster Post - The Oxford Murders
I'm going to try doing a new thing where every morning there's a new movie poster, hereby referred to as the AM Poster Post. We'll cross the "no new posters" bridge when we get there.
Today's poster is for The Oxford Murders, in which a professor (John Hurt) and graduate student (Elijah Wood) attempt to stop a series of murders connected to mathematical symbols. Looking at the poster, what is this, first period algebra? See, because there's blood on the chalkboard, and a woman's periods typically... never mind.
The Oxfurd Murders Poster [IMPA]
Sep 25 2007'30 Rock' and Seinfeld Merge Comedy Eras
Sep 25 2007'Extras' Christmas Special Trailer is Great
If you haven't been watching Ricky Gervais's British The Office follow-up, Extras, I suggest you get to you local DVD emporium, HBO channel, or one of those fancy internet-downloaders and watch it. It's not the best thing in the world, but its lack of laugh track, attractive young friends, or a sports-loving dad still sets it head-and-shoulders above most sitcoms. But for those of you already "in the know," head to iTunes and subscribe to The Ricky Gervais Show to see the trailer to the show's Christmas special. It's worth watching just to see George Michael, playing himself, go into the woods to solicit sex. Normally that sight costs you a line of coke and a Zima.
Ricky Gervais Podcasts [RickyGervais.com]
Sep 25 2007'Pathology' Trailer Summarized for Your Benefit
guy: The ambiguously-titled "County Morgue" is the best morgue ever.
Milo: Good, because I'm the best morgue guy.
Q from Star Trek: Best morgue guy, meet other young hotshot morgue guy. I think you'll get along nicely, I say sarcastically, because you'll clearly be rivals.
Milo's fiancee: I love you, even though you have a cat name and a creepy job.
Other morgue hotshots: Let's kill someone! Yay!
Milo: You don't mean it for realsies.
Hotshot rival: Here's a guy we killed.
Milo: You totally mean it for realsies! Is this a game?
Hotshot rival: Yeah, and that would be a good tagline.
Milo: I'll tell!
Hotshot rival: You won't, for some reason.
Morgue hottie: Let's kill a pedophile.
Milo: OK, but it seems like this might get me too involved.
Hotshot rival: I'm all crazy and shit.
Milo: I am too involved!
Morgue hottie: I'm implying I'll kill your girlfriend.
Hotshot rival: Tense, tense, tense! Hey, aren't that guy from Heroes?
Milo: Yeah, I'm the one with a cat name.
Sep 25 2007'No Country For Old Men' Restricted Trailer and Images
As you can tell from his face, Javier Bardem really wants you to go to NoCountryForOldMen.com and watch the restricted trailer to the Coen Brothers' latest. What Javier Bardem's vacant stare won't tell you, however, is that the site has some jackassed age-detection system that often won't let you in, even with a valid ID. Luckily, you can see the new images here and the trailer below the cut, and the only age verification I ask is that you can correctly identify a couple Nirvana tracks.
No Country For Old Men Red-Band Trailer [Official Site]
Continue Reading "'No Country For Old Men' Restricted Trailer and Images"
Sep 25 2007Jessica Biel as Wonder Woman in Male Triumph
In a huge win for the male collective consciousness, Variety announced that Jessica Biel will very possibly wear a Wonder Woman outfit for Warner Bros' Justice League of America. Somehow, through our private fantasies and drunken conversations, wanting more than anything to see Jessica Biel jump around in a bikini with a lasso, we've willed this to happen. Congratulations.
Some nay-sayers may try to bring up the valid point that there are rumors JLA will be CGI, meaning we don't get to see a real Jessica Biel dressed as Wonder Woman. Rest assured, even if that is the case, FHM, Maxim, or some other douchebag publication will surely still get her in that costume. We've done it, male collective. Next, let's try to make Pamela Anderson young again.
Jessica Biel in talks for 'Justice' [Variety]
Sep 25 2007Three to 'Punish' Their Careers
Dominic West, Doug Hutchison, and Wayne Knight are set to join Punisher: War Zone, the new comic book movie that will ignore the previous Punisher movie(s) in the hopes of making the final, definitive take on a guy with a lot of guns. West will take on the role of Jigsaw, Punisher's enemy with a face torn apart and sloppily reassembled like a jigsaw puzzle, drawing an all-too-obvious parallel with the script. Hutchinson is taking on the role of Looney Bin Jim, another villain that will surely add to the story, not muck it up with too many villains ala every previous superhero franchise. Knight is playing Microchip, Punisher's armorer and confidant, despite the name's implication that he's a sidekick dog in a cartoon about getting sucked into a computer program. I feel bad for all of them.
Trio paged for ‘Punisher’ roles [Hollywood Reporter]
Sep 25 2007The Rock Asks Idiots to Decide his Role -- Us!
Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson has been approached, as rumored, to play a role in the Shazam superhero movie. The question, he says, is which role? Rock revealed:
Shazam, of course, I would love to play. They approached me about [Captain Marvel] and [villain] Black Adam as well. We've been meeting for months. We're toying with either one. I think it's up to the fans. Without question.
I'd say this bodes poorly for the Shazam movie; not the casting of Johnson, but that this is as clear as their artistic vision gets. "We'd like this Rock fellow involved but we don't give a shit how. He could be the villain, the hero, whatever. Just get this guy in spandex and on the screen." And I'm all for getting fan input, but don't give fans the final choice on this one. That's how you'll end up with a cast of Bruce Campbell, Stewie from Family Guy, and the jackass who cries for Britney Spears.
Seriously though, should he be Black Adam or Captain Marvel? I'm saying Adam, just because Johnson has a lot more forehead than I prefer from my superheroes.
The Rock's Role In 'Shazam': Should He Be Good Or Evil? You Decide! [MTV]
Sep 24 2007'The Darjeeling Limited' Clip Provides Exactly What's Expected
As everyone, perhaps none so pointedly as The Onion, keeps saying, The Darjeeling Limited looks to be more of the same highly-stylized, deadpan comedy we've come to expect from Wes Anderson. But you know what else is always just what you expect? Masturbation. And, like a Wes Anderson film, I treat myself to it about once every three years and it's phenomenal. So let's all just cool out and enjoy this minute of slow-paced footage, then maybe have another minute to yourself.
Sep 24 2007'Burn After Reading' Destroys Brad Pitt's Sinuses
If there was any doubt in your head that you wanted to see the Coen Brothers' Burn After Reading (even with John Malkovich, Frances McDormand, George Clooney, and Brad Pitt in the cast?!), let this little gem quell your doubts. On the set of the film this Sunday, Pitt was seen with a bloody nose and a bike helmet, screaming expletives. Print this out and it's perfect for acting out all of your aggression towards the rich and famous in a non-illegal manner. You may have great looks, tons of money, and a phenomenally beautiful wife, but look how I busted your grill, you bitch. Plus, you still have all those kids who are definitely going to resent you in a few years, so enjoy it while it lasts, pretty boy.
Brad Pitt Has a Bloody Nose [Just Jared]
Sep 24 2007Simon Pegg, Nick Frost Trading 'Bitch' Role
If you've seen Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz, you know that pretty much anything Simon Pegg and Nick Frost do is handed down from whatever the British version of "God" is. So imagine my joy in finding out Paul, a project that will see the two as geeks on a road trip in America, with Pegg taking on the more subservient role usually reserved for Frost.
While the details were few and far between from Pegg, he did reveal the title and a little of the plot. “It’s called ‘Paul’ and it’s a road movie about two British geeks in America.” Pegg added that the film will be shot here in the States.So will we see a similar dynamic between Simon and Nick as depicted in “Shaun” and Hot Fuzz”? Pegg laughed said, “No, it’s different actually. I’m the bitch in this one. This time Simon’s the bitch!”
This got me thinking about what other popular duos I'd like to see together again but with the roles reversed, such as...
Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker in Lunch Hour - This time it's Jackie making the wisecracks and Chris doing martial arts! Other than that, it's the exact same as Rush Hour.
Continue Reading "Simon Pegg, Nick Frost Trading 'Bitch' Role"
Sep 24 2007'Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem' Poster (with Lens Flare!)
Fox has released a new poster for Alien vs. Predator: Requiem in the hopes of making us forget the first, terrible time the two species arbitrarily faced off. Which does it remind you most of?
- the Mozilla Firefox logo.
- some sort of ill-conceived political cartoon about AT&T taking over.
- a desperate attempt by a geek to cover his now-regretted Yin-Yang tattoo.
- the first, terrible time Aliens and Predators arbitrarily faced off.
- that our society is officially over.
AVP:R Poster! [JoBlo]
Sep 24 2007Sally Field Playing Mary F'in Todd Lincoln
Despite no formal release to the Hollywood trade papers, Newsweek is reporting Sally Field will play Mary Todd Lincoln in Steven Spielberg's biopic of the late president, who is being played by Liam Neeson. If you've ever seen a picture of the first lady, you know this casting is being more than generous in the looks department, though apparently the Ghost of Lincoln is saying, "I always pictured myself with more of a Penelope Cruz type. Man, those lips alone could have melted the chains of oppression I found so vehemently to break. Speaking of which: how about Halle Berry? My god, have you seen Swordfish? So-so flick, but that stripping scene had the steam spewin' out of this man's stovepipe hat, lemme tell ya."
The former-president's specter went on to describe Queen Latifah as "a whole lotta woman, but I'd give every inch the time it deserved."
'Hellcat or Helpmate': The Mary Todd Lincoln Saga [Newsweek]
Sep 24 2007Denzel/Scott Defending Transit Yet Again
Whenever transit is in danger (and assuming Keanu Reeves is busy fighting sentient machines in a simulated reality and Sandra Bullock is still washed-up), I turn to the powerful duo of Tony Scott and Denzel Washington. The two gave us submarine peril in Crimson Tide, ferry boat explosions in Déjà Vu, and now EW reports they're looking to give us subway hijacking with a remake of The Taking of Pelham One Two Three. Expect this one to blur into John Q, Out of Time, and other Washington/Scott project Man on Fire, to be collectively remembered as "you know, the one where Denzel is running around with a gun."
'Pelham' on Track [EW]
Sep 24 2007'Prince Caspian' Creatures Combine Animal, Man
Showing all the inventiveness of a Ninja Turtle knock-off toy at a dollar store, Disney gave AICN a peek at concept art for new creatures to be seen in The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian. If you're expecting something other than an animal combined in some way with a naked man, you're in for some disappointment. Is this as creative as the Narnia team can be, or is the series finally moving further in the furry fetish direction we've all been praying for?
Sep 24 2007'One Missed Call' Poster is MotoKRZY!
From ShockTillYouDrop, here's the poster for One Missed Call, another horror movie where a piece of exciting modern technology foretells the deaths of attractive people. In this case, the technology is mobile phone voicemail and the people are Shannyn Sossamon, whose friends were killed after the calls, and Ed Burns as the only detective who believes her. I expect by the end we'll realize Burns is the killer and that the entire film was a actually a long commercial for T-Mobile's myFaves when we learn through a brief Catherine Zeta-Jones cameo, "it turns out the only way to own a mobile phone and avoid being murdered is by getting free calls to your five favorite people, all with the same fantastic coverage and customer service you've come to expect."
The One Missed Call Poster! [ShockTillYouDrop]
