Sep 7 2007There Will Be Blood Poster
As much as I hate speculating about blood, I do like this new teaser poster for Paul Thomas Anderson's There Will Be Blood. Unfortunately, their little tagline equation of ambition meeting faith causing bloodshed has a flaw. They forget that sometimes ambition plus faith equals people making little crosses made of popsicle sticks and decorating them with glitter. Always one of the two, though.
Teaser Poster for Paul Thomas Anderson's THERE WILL BE BLOOD!!! [AICN]
Sep 7 2007Hotel Chevalier: Good News/Bad News
Wes Anderson's latest, The Darjeeling Limited, has screened at the Venice Film Festival with a short prologue attached to the front called Hotel Chevalier, starring Jason Schwartzman and Natalie Portman.
Good News: The short is being called "the sexiest thing that Anderson has ever done," partially because Natalie Portman is supposedly nude to some degree.
Bad News: There are rumors that the short will only be attached to prints in the UK, leaving Americans scrambling for bootlegged nudity until DVD time.
Worse News: Once the initial excitement fades, finally seeing her naked body will probably only lead to anger and bitterness on my part. Why should such a thing exist if I can never touch it?
Venice Film Festival 2007 diary part four [TimeOut London]
Sep 7 2007Maguire Climbing in Robotech Suit
Tobey Maguire's Maguire Entertainment and Warner Bros. have picked up the right to anime classic Robotech and hope to bring it to screens with Maguire in the lead. After three big-budget Spider-Man films in the bag, the young actor is ready to return to those smaller, intimate, giant robot mech suits in outer space roles that gave him his start.
The move was spurred on by the recent success of the $311 million-grossing giant robot flick Transformers, as well as the long-held understanding that giant robots are really awesome.
Maguire, WB attack the big screen with 'Robotech' [Hollywood Reporter]
Sep 6 2007Sigur Rós's Heima Breaks
Icelandic band Sigur Rós breaks their silence from nonsensical, high-pitched droning this fall with Heima, a new music documentary that follows a free tour of their home country last summer. Watch the above trailer to fulfill your once-daily requirement of Nordic musical performance. Save this one for tomorrow.
Sep 6 2007Talk of Throw Momma From the Train Sequel Perfectly Embodied in Original Poster
In news I would have never even considered, Danny DeVito told MTV Movies that he's seriously considered doing a sequel to Throw Momma From the Train, saying:
I actually haunt Billy [Crystal] all the time. I always call him and say we should do a sequel. I called Billy at 7AM one morning. I must have woken him up and I was like, 'I have this idea.' He was like, 'Are you done?' He went back to sleep.
While this is strange news, I find it even odder that Billy Crystal is suddenly so picky with his sequels. What, were Analyze That and City Slickers 2: The Legend of Curly's Gold such great scripts that you couldn't turn them down? You should be grateful this project wouldn't involve you standing around telling 20-year-old jokes with Whoopi Goldberg and Robin Williams. And besides, how else will we know...
...has Momma been thrown from another train?
...what other transportation has Momma been thrown from?
...have other relatives have been thrown off things?
...if Momma is thrown north off a train at 50 mph, how long it would take for her to reach another train traveling south at 65 mph?
...what is Momma's relation to Mama of Mama's Family?
...where is Curly's gold?
You may have answered the last one, actually.
Sep 6 2007Cohen to do Bruno, Dinner, Maybe Dessert?
Now that he's an internationally recognized star, Sacha Baron Cohen, best known for his incognito roles as Ali G and Borat, has announced plans to make a Bruno film. Where Borat critically examined the English-speaking world through the eyes of a mildly-offensive racial stereotype, Bruno does the same thing as a mildly-offensive racial and homosexual stereotype. Others stars of the film will be the 43 people who didn't see Borat and won't immediately start doing impressions at the sight of the lightly-disguised actor.
Cohen will follow the picture with Dinner for Schmucks, a remake of the French comic hit Le Diner de Cons, which should elicit many a "wah-wah-wee-wah" and/or "is nice."
'Bruno' next for Sacha Baron Cohen [Variety]
Sep 5 2007Shoot 'Em Up Intercourse/Gunfight Scene
I knew when I saw the trailer (posted above) that Shoot 'Em Up was going to be full of testosterone-driven, ridiculously unbelievable action scenes, and, honestly, I was kind of looking forward to that. But, brother, I had no idea. In this tasteful scene, Clive Owen is having sex with Monica Bellucci when some masked characters, clearly evil, enter. Clive proceeds to exchange gunfire with the men, killing them all, while continuing to bring Monica to orgasm. You'll be amazed with what can happen when believability is thrown out the window in exchange for graphic sex and violence.
Warning: Clip is not safe for work due to Clive Owen having sex with Monica Bellucci while shooting people.
Shoot 'Em Up Sex Clip [IESB]
Sep 5 2007Full Cast of Valkyrie as Hitler-Killing Hopefuls
For those out of the know, Tom Cruise has recently taken some time away from ruining the life of his young bride to make a movie about a group of conspirators plotting to assassinate Hitler. These conspirators were particularly significant because they were comprised of German noblemen and officials, and their plans were more feasible than my android army idea. Above is the main cast, comprised of Cruise, Bill Nighy, Terence Stamp, Kenneth Branagh, and, seated at left, the German equivalent of Howie Mandel. To get the full effectiveness of the image, print and tape inside a bathroom stall.
Tom Cruise and his conspirators [Daily Mail]
Sep 5 2007Mr. Magorium Makes Olfactory Advertisement
Fox and the LA Times announced a special Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium advertisement on September 9th that will treat readers to the "universally beloved" scent of frosted cake, reminding all who smell it to "be young and have fun." The disillusioned press release explains that Mr. Magorium...
"is the story of the strangest, most fantastic, most wonderful toy store in the world and the equally fantastic and wonderfully innovative ad will debut in the paper's annual Fall Movie Sneaks section."
The unique scented inks in the ad place the Mr. Magorium marketing department only two decades technologically behind scratch 'n sniff stickers. Though, unfortunately, the team still trails farts by millenniums.
Smell Mr. Magorium [ComingSoon]
Sep 5 2007R-Rated Beowulf Trailer
There's a new R-rated trailer to Robert Zemeckis's all-CGI epic, Beowulf, so you can add some much-needed computer-generated blood and breasts to your day. Watching this latest trailer, I think I can safely say that when Zemeckis promised to deliver a photo-realistic CGI world, he meant it. Assuming, that is, that the photos being referred to were photos of old video game cut-scenes.
PS: If you're having a hard time remembering that the main character's name is Beowulf, don't worry. He'll forcefully remind you a few times throughout the trailer.
Beowful Red-Band Trailer [Official Site]
Sep 4 2007Saw IV Teaser Trailer
If you're excited about the newest chapter in the Saw saga (Saw-ga?), man, I don't know what to tell you. Well, here's the latest brick to beat yourself in the face with: the Saw IV trailer. And if you're such a fan, tell me this: has the series always used a soundtrack that sounds like "Live and Let Die" or is that something new to this one?
Sep 4 2007Hitman Poster
Latino Review brings us the latest poster for Hitman, starring Timothy Olyphant as the eponymous video game character. Fans will be pleased with how closely the lighting and pose mimic the game's packaging. Fans of candy-apple red ties will be pleased that their flashy accessory is finding popularity. Fans of baldness will be pleased that he's very bald. Fans of hiding their faces in shadow, possibly due to deformity or scarring, will still not be pleased, as it seems nothing will please these ugly freaks but a new head.
Hitman Poster [Latino Review]
Sep 4 2007Natalie Portman Looks Good in Darjeeling Ltd.
The first shot from Hotel Chevalier, the short prologue to The Darjeeling Limited, has been released, giving the first look at Natalie Portman's character. Let the image remind you that Natalie Portman will always look better in a "Caesar" haircut and a robe than either the actual Caesar or a lounging ER-era George Clooney. Plus, she's the only one of the three not involved in affairs with boy-servants.
Nat in Hotel Chevalier [NataliePortman.com]
