Jul 26 2007Beowulf Trailer Makes Me Feel Old
The light emanating from my crotch is both intense and celestial. Bask in it, Angelina. BASK FOR ALL YOU'RE WORTH!
As you may have already inferred from the title of this post or your clairvoyant turtle, the trailer for Beowulf is now online.
I know Zemeckis totally has a boner for this live actiony animation stuff, probably because he's getting too lazy to properly film shit in his old age, but much as I try to keep an open mind, I hate it. It's not real enough to make me think I'm looking at real people, and it's not stylized enough to look cool as animation. Why the hell do I want to watch something drawn by people who aren't good enough to draw it freehand? "Hey, look what I drew on this tracing paper!" "Good job, that looks almost exactly like Garfield, and you managed not to eat the crayon this time."
It just looks like one of those stupid computer games where your little character walks around town and you start killing everybody because they're not real and watching them die is the only thing that's interesting. But then you can't make it to the next level because the object of the game was to make their crops grow and instead you brutally slaughtered them. I think Mao had the same problem.
Reader Comments
1. Beowulf - July 26, 2007 10:02 AM
Second!!1 Oh yeah.
2. Chris - July 26, 2007 10:25 AM
Agreed!!! This motion capture shit looks whack.
3. Mr Furious - July 26, 2007 11:44 AM
I didn't notice it the first time I watched the trailer, but now I can't stop looking at everybody's weirdly glazed eyes and the fact the everything looks not QUITE right.
Interesting article on the main character here.
How did Ray Winstone lose 30 years and 70 pounds?
The 50-year-old actor is barely recognisable as the muscular, bristling star of Beowulf, thanks to the wonders of motion capture technology...
4. masterless - July 26, 2007 11:47 AM
WTF? That was claymation or those shrooms are kicking in.
5. uni'tard - July 26, 2007 12:14 PM
i thought it looked good. sorry they don't target movies for anyone over 50?
6. monica - July 26, 2007 1:02 PM
as always, im glad to see the movie is following the original story so closely. grendel's mom is supposed to be an ugly ass beast. not people's sexiest woman.
7. Connor Crews - July 26, 2007 3:05 PM
The music at the end caught me of guard.
I couldn't stop thinking about Cillian Murphy owning people.
8. Skatelip - July 26, 2007 3:35 PM
I totally agree (especially with the computer game comparison.) It looks stilted and plastic which, if I remember Beowulf correctly, is about the exact opposite of the story.
Uni'tard - wtf kind of snarky shit is that over 50 comment? Your punctuation makes no sense. Some folks in the well-under 50 demographic can recognize CGI-turds when they see them.
9. machinesquad - July 26, 2007 4:05 PM
This looks a lot worse than the version that came out a couple of years ago starring Sarah Polley. I think that version was titled Beowulf and Grundel. I thought it was pretty decent. Of course I don't know the original Beowulf story all that well so I'm not sure how many liberties they took with it. But it was entertaining.
10. uni'tard - July 26, 2007 5:13 PM
Skatelip - In English (and other languages) when a speaker is in a state of confusion or curiosity, statements can be changed into questions by inflecting the voice. When writing, a question mark is attached. Sometimes it connotates sarcasm or a challenge.
In addition, I suggest re-reading the title of the article.
11. andolieu - July 27, 2007 3:33 AM
What the hell is with Angelina's accent - its the same one she used in Alexander (which equally sucked), but sounds nothing like any known language other than vampire.
12. doot doot - August 1, 2007 12:36 AM
The accent is supposed to be Old English. The reason it doesn't sound like anything is because nobody knows what it should sound like. Most of my professors that speak OE use some variation of a Scottish accent though.