Criss Angel to Play, or Possibly Just Appear in Mandrake the Magician
Some people don't need a mustache and top hat to look gay.
Criss Angel, the bastard child of Kiss drummer Peter Criss and a voodoo groupie from New Orleans*, said in a recent interview that he will be acting in and designing visual effects for the movie adaptation of Mandrake the Magician.
For those of you who haven't heard of him, Criss Angel is kind of like the goth kid version of David Blaine. Wait, he's not going to make my penis disappear for saying that, is he? I hear that shit happens in Africa all the time. For those of you who aren't yet enticed by that link, know this: the article it goes to contains the phrase "penis-melting cyborg combs." Seriously.
*I just made this up, but maybe it could be true?
Obligatory relevant Dave Chapelle quote: "I don't f*** with Africa too much, cuz people are starvin' over there and that just ain't balla to me."