Jun 22 2007Scarecrow is Totally in The Dark Knight
A "spy" (nerd with camera) in Chicago managed to sneak some footage of The Dark Knight being shot, and it appears, dear readers, that Scarecrow is returning. Cillian Murphy was on the set to reprise his role as the villain for the Family Guy-style flashback scene after Batman says, "Hey, remember when I beat the Scarecrow with the help of Gary Coleman?"
See actual moving (but pointlessly distant) footage under the cut.
Jun 22 2007Another The Simpsons Movie Trailer
This latest trailer for The Simpsons Movie looks funny enough that I think I'm willing to forget a few shitty seasons they've had and see this thing. Though that's how I got burned with Yes, Dear: the Movie...
In better quality here.
Jun 22 2007Margot at the Wedding Trailer and Poster
If it weren't for the sappy music and Noah Baumbach's name on this, I really don't know if I'd be interested in Margot at the Wedding at all. Does this not look that good, or has Zach Braff stared blankly into the camera one too many times, destroying the quirky dramedy genre as a whole for me? Watch the trailer under the cut and let me know.
Jun 22 2007High-Res Version of Where the Wild Things Are
Spike Jonze + Where the Wild Things Are = Raging Megahuge Nerd Boner.
Jun 22 2007First Shot of Elderly Indiana Jones
An elderly but reasonably fit elderly gentleman was seen reclining in canvas director's chair yesterday. A photo of the man, taken by an S. Spielberg, shows that he wore a dusty fedora and appeared wistful.
Jun 22 2007Live Free or Die Hard Director Now Okay in My Book
Apparently, this is Len Wiseman, director of Live Free or Die Hard, and his wife, Kate Beckinsale. Yeah, so uh, forget anything bad I might have said about your movie. You, sir, obviously know something I don't. Cheers.
Jun 22 2007Christmas Comes Early for Dorks
It hurts so good!
Alright nerds, I've got a present for you: 75 new Harry Potter pictures. As for myself, I haven't seen a Harry Potter movie since I saw the first one on mushrooms and crapped myself during the 'talking hat' scene. However, I do have a newfound respect for Daniel Radcliffe. He turned in one of the funniest guest appearances I've ever scene in Ricky Gervais' HBO show, Extras. Check it out, after the jump.
Jun 22 2007Sam Jackson is in Everything, 'Iron Man'
Aw shit, someone bet Sam Jackson a dollar again
The headline says it all, folks. According to AICN, Sam Jackson is playing Nick Fury. The script must be really good for them to get Sam Jackson. Either that or they promised his agent "a real powerhouse fruitbasket."
Jun 22 2007Casting Shocker: Morgan Freeman to Play Mandela
Freckly black dude and red fu manchu in: Two Against the World
In a casting move even more shocking than Forrest Whitaker as Idi Amin, Morgan Freeman will play Nelson Mandela in the upcoming movie adaptation of The Human Factor.
Pic is set after the fall of apartheid, when South Africa was host to the 1995 Rugby World Cup. Mandela was in his first term as South African president, and he used the event as a way to end decades of mistrust and hatred between whites and blacks.
It's about as obvious a casting choice as has ever been made. As logical as Howard Stern playing Joey Ramone, Will Smith playing Robert Horry, Jerry Bruckheimer playing a big pile of diarrhea, or Brad Pitt playing me (he'd have to gain about 20 pounds of lean muscle, but actors are good at that stuff.)
On another note, Ronald Reagan got to be president after being in a movie with a chimp. Arnold Schwartzenegger got to be governor after blowing stuff up and screaming "AUUUAUUUAUUUGGHHH!". Meanwhile, Morgan Freeman has being playing deities, presidents, leaders, mentors, and narrators for the last 30 years. If he goes into politics, we may see a dictator for life. Americans are stupid like that.
Jun 21 2007AFI Re-Decides Best Movies
Citizen Kane again won "Least Surprising Choice for Best Movie."
Ten years after creating the first definitive list of the best movies, the American Film Institute has re-examined the list, deciding many movies are either much better or worse than originally thought. Surprisingly, something called Citizen Kane retained the top position, with something called A Godfather and the nonsensically titled Casablanca pulling in second and third. Like weather phenomena? This Gone With the Wind flick might be something you should check out--it's the sixth best movie ever! They've really made some unpredictable, out-there choices this year.
See what was added or removed under the cut, and the full list here.
Jun 21 2007YouTubery: Worst Movies Ever
JoBlo picked up on this earlier today, but some dude on YouTube made a fun little compilation called "Worst Movies Ever". I hate to quibble... okay actually I love to quibble, but I'm making a point here... the worst movies are the kind that are hard to watch, and all these clips are pretty fun. I'd watch any of these movies. You want "worst movies ever", just show the opening scene in xXx - you know, where he steals Senator Dick's car because he hates video games and rock n roll? Yeah, that. If anyone can find that online, I'll post it.
Jun 21 2007Japanese People Hate Clint Eastwood
Dude, we really should've brought a lighter f***in flag.
Aggrieved because the movie Clint Eastwood made about it was so goddamned boring, Japanese islanders are officially changing the name of Iwo Jima back to it's original name, Iwo To.
Before the war, the volcanic island was known as Iwo To by the 1,000 or so civilians who lived there. They were evacuated in 1944 as U.S. forces advanced across the Pacific. Some Japanese navy officers who moved in to fortify the island mistakenly called it Iwo Jima, and the name stuck. After the war, civilians weren't allowed to return, and the island was put to exclusive military use by both the U.S. and Japan, cementing its identity.
In related news, Pearl Harbor has changed its name to "Aloha Inlet", Alcatraz prison has changed it's nickname to "The Stone", and Armageddon has been removed from the bible in favor of "The Final Clusterf***" - all in response to atrocities committed by Jerry Bruckheimer and Michael Bay.
Jun 21 2007Stan Lee Gets 'Dolled' Up - Puntastic!
Hasbro and Marvel have announced that they will be creating an action figure to honor Stan Lee, the 84-year-old creator of Spider-Man, the Hulk, X-Men, etc.
The doll will come equipped with Kung-Fu toupee and removable colostomy bag, and the $14.99 limited edition package is said to be impervious to both clearasil and dandruff medication.*
Jun 21 2007Kevin Smith Interviews Bruce Willis, Wears 'Jorts'
People are always asking me, 'Kevin, why would you let your 7-year-old daughter be your stylist?' and I always say, 'Look, I could just give her an allowance, but I wanted her to learn the value of hard work.'
Kevin Smith always seems to be at his best when he's not making movies. In this clip, he gets to interview Bruce Willis, asking such gems as, "Do you think if you were from anyplace else [besides Jersey], that you'd be Bruce Willis today?"
That is truly a question for the ages, Mr. Smith. Perhaps if he were from Houston instead, he'd be Stanley Griggs, a nebbish accountant with a hirsute fetish spawned when he was molested by a fur seal during a trip to the gulf. But really, I don't blame Smith for this interview - it's obvious it was edited by some studio suit's ADD-afflicted cousin and probably cuts out anything interesting that they covered. Bummer, 'cause I would kill for another giant spider story.
Jun 21 2007Cowboys and Indians Fight Aliens
c. 2036 - Gypsy Starship Cruise donning traditional Scientology union ceremony garb
This post is mainly for all the readers who seem to have heard of every "graphic novel" ever written. Personally, I prefer books without pictures. Go figure. Anyway, Brian Grazer, who's done some good work, and Ron Howard, who...hasn't, will be producing a screen adaptation of the graphic novel Cowboys and Aliens.
The graphic novel mixes Western and science fiction genres. Set in 1800s Arizona, a skirmish between cowboys and Apaches is interrupted by the crash landing of a space ship. The alien commander plans to tame the Old West and enslave everyone, but the cowboys and Native Americans turn their six-guns against the alien invaders.
It totally reminds me of that old commercial where the aliens come down from the sky and start giving a cow an anal probe and the old Injun dude standing nearby sheds a single tear. That was touching.
Jun 21 2007Where the Wild Things Are: Here
It's not much of a look, but this is as much as we've got towards discovering what great things Spike Jonze is doing with his adaptation of Where the Wild Things Are. Even this little picture fills me with such childhood wonderment that I forget that the book was obvious pedophile propaganda, encouraging young boys to run away with large, hairy men.
Jun 20 2007Sicko Gets Released Early
Michael Moore accused of hating America, tofu.
Sicko will be released in New York on June 22nd, a week before it was scheduled to be released nationwide.
Following Monday's night's premiere of the film in New York, Weinstein Co. co-chairman Harvey Weinstein, said, "Ever since the film began generating tremendous word of mouth we have been contemplating opening 'Sicko' in one theater in New York City and sneaking the film in the top markets across the country, and last night validated that plan."
In related news, today the doctors let the dude with supertuberculosis drink orange juice through a hole in his door. Mmm, orange juice!
Jun 20 2007Mattel Lands Rights to Kung Fu Panda, Other Stereotypes
Ling-Ling taught himself martial arts after hearing Ed Norton once quip, "I wanted to put a bullet in the head of every Panda who wouldn't screw to save its species."
Toy maker Mattel ("They're not dolls mom, they're action figures!") has landed the licensing rights to Kung Fu Panda. The acquisition fits in well with Mattel's new line of Asian stereotype toys that also includes Karate Math Whiz, Panty Sniffing Businessman, and Chopstick the Slow Driver.
Jun 20 2007Marc Forster Bald, Directing Next Bond Movie
Peek-a-boo, bitch.
The producers of Bond 22, the follow-up to Casino Royale, have officially announced that Marc Forster will direct. Forster previously worked on Stranger Than Fiction, which was a lot better than I expected and actually gave Will Farrell something new to do, Finding Neverland, which touched my heart like not even Flappy could, and Monster's Ball, for which Halle Berry's tits won an Academy Award.
Forster also directed the upcoming Kite Runner movie and starred in a fantasy of mine where he oiled up his bald head and rubbed it on my man parts.
Jun 20 2007Evan Almighty: 8 Minutes of 'Heaven'
There's gotta be something funny under this hair! It worked in 40 Year Old Virgin! And yes, my bathroom has a bidet, what of it?
Eight minutes of Evan Almighty are now online, and it's about as funny as one can expect from a movie that steals premises from Tim Allen. In the clip, Evan struggles to control his hilarious beard growth and tries to explain to his wife why he wants to build a boat.
Don't you get it, hon? God's going to murder all the sinners he created. The lord hates sinners! Or maybe he loves murdering. Anyway, bottom line, we need a boat to survive the drowning of humanity. Isn't life funny sometimes?
And by the way, let's get a bunch of really funny people and make them fall down a lot! Wait, they're not laughing - have him hit himself with the hammer! Ooh, that didn't work either - do it again! Nope. Again! Still nothing. Again! (shrug) Well, shit, I just don't know then.
Jun 19 2007Good Luck Chuck Poster
There's a new poster for Good Luck Chuck that must be clever because it imitates that Rolling Stone cover for some reason. Stars Dane Cook and Jessica Alba are photoshopped together with the deftness of a junior high girl pasting teen stars on her Trapper Keeper, but on the plus side, at least it shows Alba hopefully refused to be so surrounded by asswipe.
Jun 19 2007Ridley Scott Maybe Making Monopoly Movie
I'm just as shocked as you, Rich Uncle Pennybags.
In an attempt to get teens interested in board games, Parker Brothers has recruited Alien director Ridley Scott and the William Morris agency to make a "comedy thriller" based on Monopoly, says The Sunday Times. With the game company requesting "sexy young people" to entice teenage audiences, Scarlett Johansson and Kirsten Dunst are being considered for roles. Johansson will be the sexy young person with Dunst serving as contrast.
Following Monopoly's game structure, I assume the story will begin pleasantly enough, devolve to arguing, and end abruptly and bitterly.
NOTE: I already found this story pretty dubious, but that skepticism has doubled after noticing its odd, vague title, "Director on board for movie."
Jun 19 2007Jack Black Wants a Man-Witch, Please
Jack Black backstage at the Tony Awards
Please forgive me for that headline, but Jack Black will be teaming up with Todd Phillips (Uh, I'm here for the gangbang?) on the upcoming comedy Man-Witch.
Black will play a schoolteacher who suddenly discovers he has witchlike abilities. Taken in by a coven, he is persuaded to attend a school for witches, only to discover that his classmates are all girls.
I was in class with all girls once. They were bad and I had to teach them a lesson. A sexy lesson, bouche! This will be latest in what one hopes will be a string of kickass Jack Black movies. He's also in Noah Baumbach's Margot at the Wedding, Michel Gondry's Be Kind Rewind, and Year One with Judd Apatow. If he can't find a hit with at least one of these, it might be time to go back to sitting on the couch doing whippets.
Jun 19 2007Bernal and Luna to 'Hook Up' for Cuarón Again
Insert borderline racist pirate joke here
Those three powerhouse filmmakers, Iñárritu, Cuarón, and Del Toro, who formed their own production company and proved conclusively that brown is the new black, have announced their first production. Carlos Cuarón, Alfonso's brother and co-writer on Y Tu Mamá También, will direct Rudo y Cursi, starring También stars Gael Garcia Bernal and Diego Luna.
The title translates to "Rough and Corny" and the film follows two brothers who play soccer, or as our friends south of the "border" hilariously refer to it, fútbol. No word on whether there'll be any man-on-man oral in this one. As my neighbor Tyrone says, "That shit ain't right, dawg."
Jun 19 2007Steve Buscemi Directs, is Weird Looking
I constantly burn my penis with red hot cigar butts!
Here's the trailer for the Interview, which stars Steve Buscemi and Sienna Miller and was directed by Steve Buscemi. It appears to feature lots of falling down. But it must be really good because it's got a ton of those little caesar wreath graphic thingies with "Official Selection: Such-and-Such Film Festival" in it.
It reminds me of the trophy case at my mom's house with all the reminders of my accomplishments, like my pink "Participant: San Joaquin Pie Eating Contest" ribbon, and my "2nd Annual Kingsburg Grape Stomp" certificate. Mom says I'm her little champion!
Jun 18 2007Pixar's Wall-E Teaser Trailer
Pixar is now arrogant enough that the trailer for their new movie is mostly just them talking about how they came up with another out-of-this-world amazing concept. We're meant to be so smitten with these geniuses that just hearing them say they thought of Wall-E at the same lunch where they came up with Finding Nemo sends us into insulin shock. (They cleverly avoid mention whose toilet they were on when inventing Cars.)
If the voice at the end is at all an accurate representation of how the main character will sound, the only valid plot would be people repeatedly slapping Wall-E and telling him to shut his annoying mouth.
Jun 18 2007The Dark Knight Rides a Bike
The guns on the batbike can by operated by speaking the magic words "Pew pew pew!"
The L.A. Times has two new pictures from The Dark Knight of the bat bike, or "Batpod" as it's referred to in the movie. I've managed to combine the two pictures here for easy browsing, utilizing Photoshop skills the likes of which the world has never seen.
It's hard to see from the picture, but the Batpod actually has a chain link steering wheel and a rack for mounting a boombox from which to blast Cypress Hill while cruising through East L.A. Odelay, guey!
Jun 18 2007Mr. Bean Strikes Again
Skeet skeet skeet
Mr. Bean, the most beloved TV character since the Roadrunner*, is coming to the bigscreen again with Mr. Bean's Holiday. And you better believe he'll be making some really silly faces. Oh boy will he! It's going to be so droll!
Watch the trailer:
My Abdominals (high definition)
*By deaf people
Jun 18 20073:10 to Yuma Trailer is Pure Man Gold
The Crowes literally looked down their noses at the Bales, who were so poor that they were forced to ride large sheepdogs in lieu of horses.
I can't remember seeing a good western since, say, Unforgiven or Tombstone, which makes the 3:10 to Yuma trailer all the more promising. Plus, it's got Christian Bale and Russell Crowe, and everyone knows no one can play an American cowboy like a Brit and a Kiwi.
James Mangold is the brains behind this one, having previously directed Walk the Line, Kate & Leopold, Girl, Interrupted, Cop Land, and Identity, which I'm almost positive was based on the movie Charlie Kaufman's fictional brother wrote in Adaptation. Anyway, bottom line, the guy's last name is "Man Gold."
Jun 18 2007There Will Be Blood Teaser Trailer
You wouldn't know it from the lack of quick push-ins, but above is the teaser trailer for Paul Thomas Anderson's latest, starring Daniel Day-Lewis. It seems pretty good, though I can't help but wonder about the gore content. I wish there was some indication as to whether or not bodily fluids would enter the picture at any point. When oil is involved, bloodshed can often follow; I guess we'll just have to see if that's the case this time. By which I mean whether or not there will be blood.
