Apr 6 2007Edward Gorey's Doubtful Guest Coming to Screens
Good Friday is ending up looking like a boring Friday for movie news. I'm starting to wonder if the entire crucifixion was even worth it, or if that's even what Good Friday was about. I think it is, but I'm not entirely positive. Let's face it, it's not really history, so what does it matter?
Anyway, if you're a fan of Edward Gorey's darkly comic illustrations, you'll be pleased to know his classic The Doubtful Guest will be adapted for the screen. The Jim Henson Company will bring to life the strange, unwelcome, snouted creature who torments a quirky family. I'm calling it "Alf II."
Apr 6 2007Rosario Dawson and Rose McGowan naked for Grindhouse
If there's one way to market a movie, it's to put Rosario Dawson and Rose McGowan on the cover of Rolling Stone wearing nothing but ammo. The movie could be about Stephen Hawking and his struggle to put together a unified field theory and this would still be the best marketing scheme.
Apr 5 2007Indy 4 Trailer Coming... In Eight Months
Speaking to USA Today, George Lucas revealed that Sean Connery is not yet signed for the new Indiana Jones film, that the action will be consistent with the earlier Indy films, and that the first trailer should hit theaters around Thanksgiving. Even those with dead/estranged families can now look forward to the holiday's promise of a thirty-second clip of Harrison Ford running around with a whip.
Apr 5 2007Shoot 'Em Up Shots
As if the astoundingly brilliant IMDB summary isn't enough (a man named Mr. Smith delivers a woman's baby during a shootout, and is then called upon to protect the newborn from the army of gunmen), these shots of stars Clive Owen, Monica Bellucci, and Paul Giamatti in Shoot 'Em Up make me think this might be more than just a typical action film. Mainly because Clive Owen appears to be eating a carrot during a standoff.
More under the cut.
Apr 5 2007Peter O'Toole Entering Christmas Cottage
Peter O'Toole is in final negotiations to star in the previously mentioned The Christmas Cottage, based on the Thomas Kinkade (Painter of Light) painting of the same name. The Hollywood Reporter says the veteran will play a painter based on a mentor of Kinkade (Painter of Light). And here I thought Kinkade's mentor was the Holy Spirit.
I still don't know how they plan to transform a shitty painting into a movie, but I'd say O'Toole is a step in the right direction--he's already nearly a still-life! (Because he's very old and will likely die soon, as evidenced by above image.)
Apr 5 2007Bob Clark Dies in Crash
I apologize for using the creepiest image of Bob Clark available.
Bob Clark, director of the '80s classic Porky's and perennial Christmas favorite A Christmas Story (unfortunately, also Baby Geniuses, Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2, and The Karate Dog) died tragically with his son Wednesday when a drunk driver steered an SUV into Clark's car. A police spokeman said Hector Velazquez-Nava, the other driver, was driving without a license in the wrong lane while under the influence, making this guy a huge asshole for several reasons. Hector had asked for the SUV for Christmas for years but had repeatedly been told he would "drive it drunk without a license into a director and his son, kid." Boy, were they ever right.
Apr 4 2007Spider-Man 3 Quad Posters
Prepare the landscape button on your printer, because the quad-style posters for Spider-Man 3 have been released. And yes, that is a lens flare. Apparently there's some sort of "photo shop" where these types of awesome effects can be created.
Apr 4 2007The Ex Poster
Since when is Zach Braff so tanned? It must now be awkward and quirky to be tanned.
In other news, George Hamilton now loves The Shins.
Apr 4 2007Metal Men Coming to Screens
Warner Bros. and X-Men producer Lauren Schuler Donner have plans to bring Metal Men, yet another superhero franchise, to the screen. Robots invented by Dr. William Magnus, the Metal Men each possess the characteristics and interpreted personalities of separate metals, such as stretchy leader Gold, strongman Iron, insecure Tin, and infant brain damaging Lead.
You'd think they'd at least work through some of the C-level comic heroes--Blue Beetle or someone at least--before getting to the D-List like these guys, but I'm fine with it as long as Shaq is involved. When you need a big metal superhero, a big stupid genie, or just an idiotic signature grin, Shaq is always the answer.
Apr 4 2007Bruce Willis Either Lives Free or Dies Hard in New Trailer
Wise-cracking John McClane returns to fight Internet terrorists in Live Free or Die Hard, the fourth installment of the infeasible action series. Despite his age, the new trailer shows that Bruce Willis can still deliver the action and one-liners like he used to, though I will say his now completely bald head and propensity towards facial lesions makes me think he might be playing this one as Tom Hanks from Philadelphia.
Apr 3 2007Mom, Pops Racer Cast?
The Hollywood Reporter has informed me that Susan Sarandon and John Goodman are in talks to play Mom and Pops Racer in the Wachowski Brothers' adaptation of Speed Racer. If I remember correctly, Pops was a large, fatter guy while Mom was slender and fairly attractive. The casting seems somehow appropriate.
Apr 3 2007Transformers Fighting/Squatting
Yes, I'm just as sick of pictures of Transformers as you are. But these ones are of fighting or squatting something, so just suck it up. The rest of the new batch are here.
If you're still super-excited about seeing these, maybe you should enter this contest to determine who the top Transformer fan is. I think a good entry would be showing how you started driving a semi for a living because of Optimus Prime, and how you're really lonely and miserable now, forced to pee in jugs on the road and paying for sex with transvestites at rest stops. Go for the pity vote.
Apr 2 2007Martian Child Trailer
Leave it to John Cusack to make me almost tolerate this sappy, feel-good bullshit. In what should be called K-Pax Jr., this kid goes around in sunglasses saying he's an alien, so a single sci-fi writer adopts him. Normally this is where I'd stop paying attention, but goddammit if Cusack didn't charm me into changing this from a "I will never see this, no matter what" to a "I'll flip past it when it's on TBS but eventually go back to it during a commercial of something else and end up watching to the end."
Apr 2 2007Transformers TV Spots
If you're excited for Transformers, make sure to spend thirty seconds watching the new commercials (the other is here). It's amazing how smoothly the robots transform from their vehicle form, only bested by your father's smooth, gradual transformation from loving husband to alcoholic bastard within your relatively short life span. You can only blame yourself. He certainly does.
Apr 2 2007Shrek the Third Poster, Plus Shrek 4!
I'd love to smack that smug grin off his big fat ugly face. Would you?
Along with this new French poster for the latest Shrek film comes the information that there is a fourth addition to series already forming. With this news, it just keeps getting more and more likely that these animated movies are the horsemen of the apocalypse. Our end will come to the funky tunes of Smashmouth.
Apr 2 2007Eli Roth's Thanksgiving Trailer
The trailer to Eli Roth's Thanksgiving, the first of the fake movie trailers made to air between the Grindhouse features, has been released. Not recommended if you're in a place where viewing graphic violence, nudity, and a vagina stabbing would be considered inappropriate, such as at work or around a woman who was brutally stabbed in the vagina and hasn't yet found a sense of humor about it (Yes, I'm talking about you, Diane).
Apr 2 2007Price is Right for George Hamilton
George Hamilton will never be as good at hosting or sexual harassing co-workers.
According to TMZ, The Price is Right might get a little oranger. With current PiR host Bob Barker preparing to either retire or die, CBS execs are looking for a replacement to continue the tradition of entertaining the sick and unemployed, and reportedly think George Hamilton is "wonderfully charming" for the part. The change means very little, as the Price is Right audience is composed almost entirely of the elderly, who are too blind/deaf to notice the change, or college kids who are too stoned to care.
Apr 2 2007First Shots from Iron Man
Is that Robert Downey (Junior) and Gwyneth Paltrow playing Tony Stark, billionaire and part-time superhero in metal suit known as Iron Man, and his faithful assistant Virginia "Pepper" Potts? Yes!
If you've never seen all the other times RDJ has worn tuxedos for various gala events, you'll be amazed. Otherwise it's just Robert Downey Jr. in a tuxedo.
