Mar 23 2007Crowe to Play Sherlock Holmes?
Rememer how they're revamping and, dare I say, "awesome-izing" Sherlock Holmes by focusing on his fisticuffs and swordfighting? In order to get the brute physicality they want in the character, a recent report says Russell Crowe is the current favorite for the role. And because this is being reported on TeenHollywood.com, I'm taking it as fact.
Mar 23 2007Bounty Offered on DVD Sniffing Dogs
Kill these dogs on sight.
To fight the rampant DVD piracy of Malaysia, the MPAA has employed Lucky and Flo, two Labrador Retrievers, to sniff out the polycarbonate chemicals in DVDs. Though the dogs can't smell the difference between pirated and real discs (the dogs need to screen them to tell), they are able to detect where they are hidden.
The two have proved so effective that Malaysian pirates have put out an undisclosed bounty out for the pups, and while I don't necessarily support piracy, I can't help but love a good bounty hunt. Doesn't everyone? So let's get these fuckers. Be on the lookout for the two. They're black, maybe waist high, hairy. Both seem to sport highlighter yellow jackets, which, while smart looking, do little to conceal them in dark alleyways and such. Good luck and happy hunting.
Mar 23 2007Final (so they say) Spider-Man 3 Trailer
From the That '70s Show series finale.
Yeah, there's another Spider-Man 3 Trailer. This is either the tenth or eleventh, and if you need more Spider-Man crap, there are the roughly 1,500 posters. If you ask me, this entire story of a teenager being bitten by a radioactive spider, granting him the powers of the creature... a bit implausible.
For some reason Comcast is hosting this trailer, so be sure to sign up for a premium cable package while you're there. If you don't have HBO and Showtime, you don't have television. I'm hoping they'll pay me for saying that.
Mar 23 2007Winslet and DiCaprio Reteam for Mendes
Without question, the most romantic moment in history occurred when Leonardo DiCaprio, playing some sort of poor person, has Kate Winslet, playing a richer person, hold out her arms on the front of a ship named Titanic, all to the tune of Celine Dion's beautiful vocals. If you do not shed a single tear during this moment, you are heartless. You will never find love. The most you'll ever gain from dating is an occasional bout of meaningless sex that you'll find indistinguishable from your hand except in moisture content. You have no soul.
But for those who love the epic romance of Jack and Rose, it's time to celebrate! Leo and Kate will again find themselves linked in Sam Mendes' film Revolutionary Road, based on Richard Yates cheerful tale of "post-war disillusionment." This may be our heart "going on" as foretold by Ms. Dion.
Mar 22 2007Chris Ware Animation from This American Life
Those hoping to maintain their educated-older-hipster cred should know that tonight at 10:30 p.m. begins Showtime's adaptation of the popular NPR program This American Life. Cartoonist Chris Ware's animation for the series can be seen above, or the entire episode is available at the Showtime site, though I couldn't get it to play well. Those torn whether to show their loyalty to NPR and Ira Glass' efforts or to maintain their disdain for television should relax with some organic green tea, turn on the new Arcade Fire album, and ponder the situation over a McSweeney's.
Mar 22 2007Why is Bob Dylan in Reign Over Me?
I couldn't figure out why Adam Sandler was annoying me more than usual in the commercials for Reign Over Me, but now I've finally figured it out: it's that he isn't playing "Like a Rolling Stone." These types never want to play their hits, you know?
Mar 22 2007Cruise v. Hitler in New Film
Because Cruise will not be playing Hitler, this image makes little to no sense.
Variety reports that Tom Cruise has been cast in Bryan Singer's next film, a World War II thriller about German generals plotting to assassinate Adolph Hitler. With Cruise attempting to kill Hitler, the film will be the first to pit the absolute truths of Scientology against the evil ideologies of Nazi fascism. Does Hitler really think he can compete against the millions of years of alien technology on Scientology's side? Think again, Adolph!
Mar 22 2007Wonder Woman Cast?
According to Film Ick, the coveted role of Wonder Woman may have been given to Cobie Smulders. If she has indeed nailed the role, the actress can look forward to rocketing to stardom in the blockbuster picture, falling from that stardom following the critical lambasting of a film based foolishly around an Amazon goddess with a magical lasso and invisible jet, starring in some low-budget horror films that require modest nudity and/or lesbianism, and finishing her career as the perennial star of "take a picture with Wonder Woman," smiling through the stench of fanboys at comic conventions. Congratulations, Cobie!
Mar 22 2007Starbucking Trailer
I'm not sure if this is actually new, but I was shown the trailer for Starbucking today and I'm fairly saddened by its content. It's about this pathetic guy, possibly afflicted with OCD, who wants to do something no one has done before by visiting every Starbucks in the world. Of course, we rational humans understand that this goal is impossible. Starbucks are popping up at some insane rate of like three a day in every nation that allows coffee to mix with sweeteners.
Honestly, he'd be better off counting sand on the beach; it's just as impossible but there's less traveling, and a "Venti" sand won't cost you $6 and two days' calorie intake.
Mar 22 2007Gatchaman Concept Art
While the Wachoswkis work to get Speed Racer across the checkered flag (by that I mean get completed, using a clever racing reference), the folks at Imagi at dutifully working on another old anime adaptation, Gatchaman. For those who have forgotten, this is the one where they're dressed like birds.
The production company has revealed some concept art from the film, and though it does not include teenagers dressed as birds, it does highlight scenes of giant robots attacking a city (Neo-Tokyo? I think it always is) and more.
Between spoonfuls of an unidentified substance, Mr. Harry Knowles was kind enough to rip all the images from the Flash page and post them here with some more information. Cheers to you, sir.
Mar 22 2007Magicians Trailer
The writers and stars of the British comedy Peep Show have developed a feature film for your enjoyment, now available online in trailer format. Called Magicians, the comedy tells the story of two magicians on the outs after one accidentally decapitates the other's wife during a trick.
I like this concept because it demonstrates my long-held point that, with its potential for danger, magic is the weakest of the natural sciences. Biology, chemistry, physics--they're all helping to make our world better place. Magic is so based in near-death, escape, and playing cards that it's a wonder we consider it science at all. If David Blaine can fly, why isn't he sharing his power with the world instead of using it as the finale to an hour-long ABC special? He is both our best and worst scientist, in that sense.
UPDATE: Magic may not be a natural science.
Mar 21 200728 Weeks Later One-Sheet
The poster to 28 Weeks Later, the sequel to pseudo-zombie movie 28 Days Later, has an old propaganda-style look to it. But be careful, because there's another type of poster that has an old propaganda look to it: actual propaganda. And before you know it you're a communist.
It would also be a good Coke ad if changed to "Maintain the Quarantine... of Refreshing Taste!"
Mar 21 2007Emile Hirsch as Speed Racer?
According to The Hollywood Reporter, Alpha Dog's Emile Hirsch is in talks to take the starring role in the Wachowski Brothers' adaptation of Speed Racer. The anime promises to translate well to live-action because it's absurd concept about a fantastic car full of crazy devices, a character named Racer X, and a clothed chimp mechanic. Hirsch has already begun growing out his ascot for the role.
Mar 21 2007No Reservations Trailer Looks Tasty!
Catherine Zeta-Jones stars as a chef with anger issues whose life is thrown into a tizzy when she's forced to care for her young niece (Abigail Breslin) and work with a hot new chef (Aaron Eckhart). Lines like "I wish there was a cookbook for life" are sure to surprise and delight audiences. I was like, "Hey, Z-J, I was just thinking of the exact same awkward cooking-related wish! Why isn't there a cookbook for life? And that Aaron Eckhart? He sets my heart to broil!"*
*Producers: if there's time for late additions to this film, feel free to add the line "he sets my heart to broil."
Mar 21 2007Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Posters
IMPA has a collection of posters from TMNT that would look great on your dorm room walls. Hanging them shares the message that you both embrace the nostalgia of your childhood and never want to have sex again.
Mar 21 2007Natalie Portman Nudity Turns Out Disappointing
When word spread that the Milos Forman film Goya's Ghosts would feature torture scenes of a nude Natalie Portman, the world cheered as we ignored the torture part and concentrated on the idea of seeing her little boobs. The scenes have turned up online, and they're nearly as disappointing as seeing my own nudity (without the tears). First off, while she's technically nude, they've cleverly obscured the parts with the bumps and slits we most look forward to. Secondly, it's apparently just a gaunt body double when you aren't seeing her face. Also, the torture aspect somehow takes something away from the sexuality of the situation. Still though...
More clips with more torture, not much more nudity, here.
Mar 20 2007Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End Trailer
Interrupting the Dancing with Former or Non-Celebrities show last night, the trailer for third chapter in the Pirates of the Caribbean saga has been released. I don't know about you, but as soon as it said the line "pirate lords from the four corners of the earth," I was sold. See it above or in higher quality here.
Mar 20 2007Shrek the Third Poster
In the new poster for Shrek the Third, it's revealed that our portly green hero is "in for the royal treatment." If you've ever been in prison, you know exactly what that means and can understand the disgust in Shrek's face. I have the feeling that outfit isn't going to help either.
Mar 19 2007Brandon Routh Joining Justice League?
When a Justice League movie was recently announced, a big question was how the studio would deal with Superman and Batman's presence in the group since they were already being played by actors in their individual franchises. Well, according to sources at Moviehole, Batman will likely be omitted from the group while Brandon Routh, star of Superman Returns, will likely join this group outing rather than a direct sequel to his film. His starring picture now a huge ensemble piece. This is the casting equivalent of thinking you're going to poop, maybe after a long bout of not pooping but feeling like you had to, but only getting a fart. I feel bad for Brandon Routh, for only getting to fart.
Mar 19 2007Bond 22 Continuing Casino Royale
Those who loved the last Bond will be glad to hear that the next one will be a continuation of the events of Casino Royale. Production designer Peter Lamont stated in an interview that Bond 22, set for release November 2008, picks up where the last film left off. Does this mean we'll see our favorite Cro-Magnon Bond, Daniel Craig, complete his development of stone tools? Only time will tell.
Mar 19 2007Dolemite Remake With Snoop Dogg
If the blaxploitation remake shelf at your local Blockbuster seems empty with just Samuel L. Jackson's Shaft, it's about to get some company: Dolemite, the 1975 comedy starring Rudy Ray Moore, is up for a remake. Director Bill Fishman, a possible man/fish hybrid, will helm the project and hopes to respect the original, adding, "I think there is a certain sincerity in the original that is kind of undeniable," but neglecting to mention how he'd ruin that.
Snoop Dogg, one of the black people Fishman has heard of besides Wayne Brady, is in discussions to star, though the Wayans clan is still waiting anxiously at their communal phone.
Mar 19 2007New Spider-Man 3 international poster
This is the new international Spider-Man 3 poster, though it's basically the same as all the other Spider-Man 3 posters. I just wish they'd come up with some new ideas. Ya know, like instead of having black Spider-Man face red Spider-Man just have it be of a giant picture of Wolverine.
Mar 19 2007Anna Nicole Smith Movie on "Fast Track"
Striking while the body's still warm, Jack Nasser of Nasser Entertainment told CNN that they will begin shooting an Anna Nicole Smith biopic early next month. "We're on what we call 'the fast track,' " said Nasser, using hip Hollywood jargon. Though planned for theaters, it may only hit television screens, but regardless, Nasser promised the film will "not focus on the trash," instead focusing on "the positive." I assume this means the positive stripping career, positive weight gains, positive fake marriage to rich oil tycoon, positive reality show about her obnoxious stupidity, positive death of young son, positive confusion about the identity of her daughter's father, and positive death in a hotel room.
If this doesn't make people disgusted enough with his exploitation of the situation, Nasser will just start dry humping the corpse.
Mar 19 2007Stardust Teaser Trailer
Watch this trailer to Stardust and wonder how Robert De Niro, Claire Danes, Michelle Pfeiffer, Sienna Miller, Rupert Everett, Ian McKellen, Peter O'Toole, and Ricky Gervais were somehow convinced to star in this sort of Dungeons & Dragons adaptation. Of course if you've read the Neil Gaiman novel it's based on, you probably have all sorts of crazy opinions about how it's not necessarily Dungeons & Dragons just because it's set in a fantasy world of swords and wizardry. Tell it to your dice bag, nerd.
UPDATE: Apparently it's not an official trailer. It's actually an unofficial series of shots from the film set to music, similar to a trailer.
