Mar 16 2007Chinese Ratatouille Trailer
A new verion of Pixar's Ratatouille trailer is littered with the nonsensical scribblings of the Chinese language, but plays out a scene to set up the story of the film for all those wondering just what this one's all about. It seems a young chef that has no talent for his craft discovers a sentient rat that understands the English they're speaking in Paris and forges a bond wherein the filthy animal will prepare meals for him. Pixar looks to have scored another hit, as with Toy Story and Cars, by animating the insane delusions of a madman.
Mar 16 2007Jeopardy! Desperately Pleads For Viewers
The event gave Alex Trebek his first orgasm in 23 years.
The Jeopardy! website has a cryptic message that tonight's show will be a history-making one, with an event that has never occurred before on the show and will likely never again. For some reason this has intrigued me enough to actually bother watching, making me the only person under 65 caring about the show.
Someone better be shot or something. I swear to god, if it's just a three-way tie, I'll be so pissed.
NOTE: This is going to cause me to miss Comedy Central's Scrubs rerun. Let me know what happens.
UPDATE: I'm so pissed.
Mar 16 2007Sherlock Holmes to be Reimagined for Screen
Variety reports that Warner Bros. is working on developing an edgy new take on Sherlock Holmes, playing up the dangerous, adventurous aspects of the detective. This will be the first attempt to make the character edgier since 1992's The Awesome Adventures of Sherlock Homeboy and the Xtreme Watson Kidz, which ended in a fatal rollerblading duel between Sherlock and Professor Radical.
Exact storyline is being kept under wraps, but creative execs at Warners say they are looking for the "Sherlock" team to reinvent the sleuth and his loyal No. 2 Dr. Watson in much the same edgy way that Christopher Nolan has reimagined Batman for Warners.
Wigram's vision has Holmes losing some of his Victorian stuffiness and being more adventuresome, including playing up his skills as a bare-knuckle boxer and expert swordsman as he goes about solving crimes.
I like the idea of bringing back Holmes with the same spirit of reinvention as Batman Begins, but it seems like a mistake to actually change such a classic character, having been around for over a century. There's a saying in Hollywood that you can change Air Bud's sport, but he has to be a dog wearing a jersey. These producers would be wise to heed this warning.
Mar 16 2007Blanchett Joins Indy 4
With its plot information still tightly concealed, Indiana Jones continues to build its star-heavy cast with the addition of Cate Blanchett. She will presumably play a woman so f***ed up by previous relationships that she thinks it's a good idea to get involved with a man nearly thirty years her senior with a reputation for moving from woman to woman between his global travels. Her strong-willed demeanor and ability to verbally spar with the equally stubborn Indiana conceal the deep insecurities about herself that allow her to be taken advantage of by the now elderly adventurer. Of course, that's just my guess. She might be a Nazi.
Mar 15 2007High School Musical in Speed Racer
Looking like an asshole pays off for Zac Efron.
According to Just Jared, High School Musical star Zac Efron is in talks to star as Speed in the Wachowski Brothers' adaptation of Speed Racer. If Efron nails the part, he can add the coveted nerd demographic to the adolescent girls he's already stolen the hearts of. It is said he who controls the nerds and the 10 to 14-year-old girls... controls the world. Is Zac Efron the geek/tween messiah written of (in Tiger Beat and Slashdot)? Only time will tell.
Mar 15 2007Trainspotting Sequel Pending Appropriate Aging
Trainspotting famously repopularized the classic "I'm in your toilet" prank.
During a classic question/answer format interview, Danny Boyle admitted the sequel to Trainspotting, Porno, will likely be coming once the Hollywood actors start showing their age.
We've been given the rights to do the sequel to it, and there is a script - a very early script from John Hodge, the writer of the first one. And we got the idea of doing it, but it depends on [the actors] being quite a bit older than they are at the moment. They need to have a bit of age. Our take on it is, their headiness - these guys who lived at the absolute brink, felt they were invincible and felt they could abuse themselves to the absolute limit - suddenly hit middle age. They're in their forties and they look it - but they don't really look it, those actors, yet. They're a bit moisturised up and looked after. So when they get a bit older, we'll have a go at sassing it up a bit, yeah.
So, until Ewan McGregor starts looking like he's 45, the only Porno we're going to see on screens is actual porno. By which I mean filmed pornography. By which I generally mean an overweight woman riding a thin, androgynous boy like a horse while 8-10 men, their faces concealed by latex masks but their bodies revealed in their utter hairlessness, masturbate on a full turkey dinner being eaten by an elderly Asian woman, seemingly unaware of what is transpiring before her. Perhaps it's not the dictionary definition, but it's certainly the one I find best suits my needs.
Mar 15 2007Don Cheadle is Miles Davis
Variety confirms that Don Cheadle will make his directorial debut producing and starring in a biopic about Miles Davis. I think it's really good casting to have Cheadle portray the jazz legend, and, no, I'm not just saying that because he's the only decent thin, black actor I can think of. When I come up with my other, more legitimate reasons, I'll post them here.
Sorry for the shortage of posting today. I had a doctor appointment run long. Seriously.
Mar 14 2007Venom Fights Spider-Man
Those worried that Venom would only appear at the end of Spider-Man 3, never to fight our hero, will be glad to see that the two do see a screen battle together. Now let's never mention it again.
Mar 14 2007Mad Max Moving Further Beyond Thunderdome
Speaking to Australian reporters, director George Miller confessed that he hopes to begin on a fourth Mad Max movie now that he finished his dream of animating dancing penguins. Though Mel Gibson played the title role in the original Max Max and its sequels, The Road Warrior and Beyond Thunderdome, Miller said he hoped to get a new young lead to take over the project since Gibson now seems more interested in directing, drunk driving, and finishing the work of Hitler.
Mar 14 2007Kickin' It Old Skool Posters
I don't know why Jamie Kennedy thinks it's so funny to act like a white thug, but he keeps showing us that he definitely does. I suggest you accept that before your indignity gets you X'ed.
The rest of the character posters for this hilarious joyride can be found here.
Mar 13 2007New Pirates of the Caribbean 3 Stills
This page has a ton of new stills from Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End, including this shot from what may be the Chinese version of Deal or No Deal. Instead of picking a girl to open a case of money, you just pick one of your daughters, who is then executed so you can try again for a male.
Mar 13 2007Dreamworks Animation Going Three-Dimensional
Dreamworks Animation has announced the futuristic notion that it has plans to start releasing all of its pictures in 3-D. Beginning with summer 2009's Monsters vs. Aliens, their animation projects will be created with 3-D in mind from the outset. This news follows Disney's decision to release Meet the Robinsons on about 600 3-D screens as well as the apparently overlooked rise and fall of 3-D popularity during the '50s. If the plan is successful, studios will hopefully continue investing in strange, dated movie trends like Smell-O-Vision, hand-painting black & white film, and driving a train at the camera to scare the audience into thinking it will fly out of the screen.
Mar 13 2007Grindhouse is Disgusting
Such tumors would qualify you for a TLC special.
Scans from the new Fangoria reveal that, yes, Planet Terror (Robert Rodriguez's portion of Grindhouse) does contain fleshy, gruesome mutants. If I ever reach this point of mutation, please don't shoot or otherwise kill me thinking I want to be put out of my misery. It's not as bad as it looks. But do feel free to stop inviting me to social things. I'll understand.
More mutants here.
Mar 13 2007Butler Eyeing Escape From New York Remake
Riding high on the success of 300, star Gerard Butler may next don the eye-patch of Snake Plissken in a remake of Escape From New York. In the original John Carpenter film, Kurt Russell played Snake, a convicted bank robber sent to Manhattan (now a maximum security prison) to save the President of the United States, who has crashed there.
There were no mention of changes to be made, but I'm assuming the '81 original's futuristic date of 1998 will be pushed ahead a bit (so that it's the future), and the part about terrorists hijacking the president's plane to crash into Manhattan, in good taste, will likely be altered as well. I propose, being that it's set in the future, the president accidentally teleports to the island instead of his planned destination of Moon White House. Once he realizes the error, he asks to be teleported back, but that's when he realizes that there's no way to talk to someone once you're teleported away from them. At the end, after Snake saves him, the president holds a conference enacting a new law that requires walkie talkies when teleporting, which he dubs "The Snake Act." Snake looks at the camera and winks, but with his eye-patch the audience is left wondering if it was just a slow blink.
Mar 13 2007First Shot From New Star Wars Series
Despite the fact there won't be anything to stand in line in a costume for, many Star Wars fans are getting worked up for the new animated series planned to continue the Clone Wars saga. Starwars.com has released the first shot from the new show, which looks to combine the stylized look of Genndy Tartakovsky's Cartoon Network series with slightly more realistic 3D renderings. In short, Yoda is now a Pokemon.
Mar 12 2007300 Wins the Weekend
"My opening is even bigger than your mom's, sucka."
This weekend, 300 took the top spot in the box office, bringing in an estimated $70 million and destroying its closest competitor, four past-their-prime actors playing four past-their-prime suburbanites in Wild Hogs. The massive earnings gives the epic the achievement of highest March opening ever, stealing the title from Ice Age 2: The Meltdown, which was apparently very popular, as well as becoming the third-highest opening for an R-rated film, just under The Matrix Reloaded and The Passion of the Christ. It also gained the honor, bestowed by the man behind me at the theater, of being "the most f***ed up crazy ass shit" he'd ever seen. This award was given about fifteen times during the course of the movie.
Mar 12 2007Kinkade To Paint Movie Screens, Light
The freshly fallen snow hides the team of savage rapists within the... Christmas Cottage! Christmas 2007.
Thomas Kinkade, Painter of Light™, has awed middle-America with his detailed depictions of cottages, bridges, gazebos(!), and other scenery decorated with pleasantly glowing highlights, earning his paintings a secure spot above collections of Precious Moments and Beanie Babies. Now, Lionsgate is hoping capitalize on Kinkade's immense popularity by bringing the lackluster winter scene, Christmas Cottage, to cinemas everywhere (also, above your grandma's couch). Variety mentions the film will be only partially biographic, leaving the remainder to be filled with a plot involving a snowy cabin, a wreath, a soft glow, and the Christian spirit of non-offensive mediocrity.
