Mar 9 2007Tintin Headed to Screens
Decades after his creation, Tintin would have a tremendous influence on fratboy hairstyle.
For years there have been talks of Steven Spielberg's hope to make a movie based on the Belgian comic series The Adventures of Tintin, but with little real development. Now, word has come out that everyone finally has the go ahead to start this grandpa up:
"After 25 years, they finally said, `OK, let's go,'" Rodwell said of the protracted talks with Spielberg. In an interview with The Associated Press, Rodwell said the Hollywood company will go into preproduction for a movie, which should appear in theaters in about two years.
It wasn't clear whether the film would be cartoon animation, computer animation or a movie with actors, or which of the 24 cartoon books of Tintin's adventures would be picked.
Fans of the series should be thrilled that someone as respected as Steven Spielberg is taking on the project when so many others could butcher it. On the other hand, those who haven't read the series, like me, are left wondering, "Why is Spielberg making a movie about that German Shepherd police officer?"
Mar 9 2007Shazam! Movie Gets a Writer
"What the f***!?"
John August, writer of Corpse Bride, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and Big Fish, has been hired to pen New Line's Shazam!, a take on the DC's Captain Marvel character.
The comic book series focuses on Billy Batson, a teenager who becomes the superhero known as Captain Marvel when he utters the magic word "Shazam!" The name is an acronym for six gods and heroes of the ancient world as well as their attributes: the wisdom of Solomon, the strength of Hercules, the stamina of Aries, the power of Zeus, the courage of Achilles and the speed of Mercury.
I think they might be wasting their money writing an entirely new script for this tale of teenage transformation. They've already got Teen Wolf, so why not just change the wolf parts into Captain Marvel parts and call it a day? For instance, any instances of Teen Wolf howling are rewritten as "says Shazam!" Playing basketball as a wolf would be rewritten to say, "plays basketball as Captain Marvel." It seems pretty straightforward to me.
Mar 9 2007Eddie Murphy Starring in Fantasy Island
Unless this is a jest of the devil, Eddie Murphy is set to star in Fantasy Island, a film adaptation of the Ricardo Montalban and Hervé Villechaize series most commonly noted for the small guy's famous aerial sightings, "De plane! De plane!" As contractually obligated, Murphy will be playing several roles with the help of hilarious fat suits and voices.
Now, you're probably thinking what I did: It can't be as side-splittingly funny as Norbit, the new standard for our planet's comedy. Well, think again, friends. Fantasy Island is being written by the very same writers who brought us Norbit. We may have to rethink the rapidly developing saying, "Norbit can't strike twice." It just might!
Fact-asy Island: The one change the report fails to mention is that, by definition, Eddie Murphy's Fantasy Island will be full of transvestites.
Mar 9 2007Watchmen Test Hidden in 300 Trailer
The first test image from Zack Snyder's Watchmen adaptation has shown up online hidden in an extended trailer for 300; Ain't It Cool News later supplied a better quality version of the image. The flash frame of the trailer revealed a test shot of Rorschach, presumably testing if a man could wear a blotted white cloth over his head (results: success).
After Mel Gibson hid a shot of himself in the Apocalypto trailer, it makes you wonder what else we might be hidden within trailers, and why more nerds aren't studying them frame-by-frame to find out. Come on, guys, is World of Warcraft really that much more important?
Mar 8 2007Jason Lee Joins Alvin, Simon, Theodore
After just recently voicing Underdog, Jason Lee is moving on to play Dave Seville in the live-action/CGI Alvin and the Chipmunks planned to start shooting March 28. From Variety:
Jason Lee will star as David Seville in the CG/live-action hybrid pic "Alvin and the Chipmunks" for Fox 2000 and Fox Animation.
Penned by Jon Vitti and to be directed by Tim Hill, project is based on the 1950s cartoon series about chipmunks Alvin, Simon and Theodore, who lay waste to Seville's surroundings and sing in three-part harmony on such tunes as "The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don't Be Late)" and "The Witch Doctor."
It would seem that, with this and Underdog, Jason Lee must have an usual aptitude for acting in adaptation of the cartoons of yesteryear. In turn, it would seem the cartoons of yesteryear have the distinct talent of ruining Jason Lee's career.
Chipmunks Fact: After over forty years of requesting, Alvin no longer wants a hula hoop.
Mar 8 2007ER Heartthrob Up For Bond Villainy
According to a Croation newspaper, Goran Visnjic, star of ER, may be the villain in the next James Bond film after he impressed those involved with the film with his audition for Casino Royale.
It is rumoured that Goran's agent has confirmed the star is working on something massive and will be taking a well earned break from ER in late 2007. It is rumoured that Goran will be playing Vesper Lynd's former love interest and that his role will be sizable, menacing and significant to the plot of the upcoming Bond adventure.
This casting news comes as--wait a minute... ER is still on the air?
NOTE: Identifying Goran as a heartthrob did nothing to diminish my masculinity. Who are you to judge?
Mar 8 2007G.I. Joe Movie Stupider Than Originally Thought
Action Man questions the validity of this idea.
Earlier this week, it was revealed that a G.I. Joe movie was in the works, with Mark Wahlberg potentially starring. My hopes weren't high for the film, as it is based on military action figures, but after this summary of the plot provided by producer Lorenzo di Bonaventura, those hopes are completely shot.
Action Man is the equivalent of G.I. Joe internationally pretty much. It's a different character, but pretty much the same idea and his name is Alex Mann. So we're creating a buddy movie between Duke and Alex. That's what we're doing.
So, essentially he's taking two completely unrelated characters and teaming them up for no other reason than that they're both army guy toys. I was about to point out how stupid that is, comparing it to other infeasible team-ups I'd make up, but then I remembered Alien versus Predator, Freddy versus Jason, Batman versus Superman, and all the other team-ups done just because the characters were vaguely similar. So maybe this isn't as incredibly stupid and out there as I thought. It's just standardly stupid.
Is anyone else thinking Jackie Chan as G.I. Joe, Chris Tucker as Action Man? I smell money ($$$)!
Mar 7 2007Watch Andy Barker, P.I. Through Your Phone/Cable/DSL Line
NBC has posted six full episodes of Andy Richter's new midseason comedy entry, Andy Barker, P.I. Though I have yet to evaluate the series, I'm glad networks are finally starting to embrace the Internet has a way to popularize shows. Now you can even watch if you're one of those assholes who constantly tells people that "you don't own/watch television," even if no one asked. That's right, I know you. You're the same one who tells people you're vegetarian all the time. Hey, guess what? I didn't ask if you were vegetarian, I just asked if you wanted a hamburger, so enough with the preaching, man.
Mar 7 2007Shyamalan Still Making Films
Despite the general overall failure of his last picture, Lady in the Water, M. Night Shyamalan remains determined to continue his downward spiral with another film, The Happening (previously known as The Green Effect).
Pic, which will mark Shyamalan's first R-rated effort, is a paranoid thriller about a family on the run from a natural crisis that presents a large-scale threat to humanity. The pic is expected to carry a budget of around $57 million, and Shyamalan told Daily Variety he expects to cast a big male star for the lead.Shyamalan will prep and shoot "The Happening" as he continues to write the script for "Avatar: The Last Airbender." Shyamalan will follow with that live action film for Paramount.
In addition to the change of studio and the R-rating the film will carry, The Happening will be a departure from his previous work in that we now know the famous Shyamalan surprise ending before even see the film. This film's surprise: "Surprise! This one was even shittier than the last one!"
Mar 7 2007Paradise Lost: The Movie
"Sorry, dudes, you just lost paradise."
The Milton classic Paradise Lost, the epic poem about Lucifer, the temptation of Adam and Eve, their expulsion from Eden, and the high school students forced to read it, is apparently in talks to be made into a feature film. In typical Hollywood style, the whole "fall of man" bit is being largely omitted in favor of more on the sweet battle between the armies of Heaven and Hell (seriously).
Currently, Heath Ledger and Daniel Craig are the top choices for Lucifer, though Oprah is now making a run for the title with the extension of her show into 2011 and the discovery of the Oprah Toddler Slave Camps.
Mar 7 200725 Best Movie Posters Ever
This image will ruin the surprise of #1 for you.
Premiere Magazine, which just announced it would no longer be printing its issues, has posted a pretty interesting look at what they've dubbed the 25 best movie posters ever. Looking at the list, it's obvious that, as usual, the mainstream media blatantly ignored some of the great film posters just because they featured spread or shaved vaginas. F***ing conservatives.
Mar 7 2007Forrest Gump 2: Still Running
Now that quoting, "Life is like a box of chocolates," and "Run, Forrest, run!" has become, shall we say, a tad tired, Paramount is ready to move on to a sequel to the most popular mockery of the retarded to date, Forrest Gump. Based on the book's sequel by Winston Groom, Gump & Co., the film would take place a few years after the original, after the death of Jenny and the closure of Bubba-Gump Shrimp, leaving Forrest a slow-witted, unemployed, single father.
As usual, Forrest finds himself accidentally taking part in important historical events, this time of the '80s and '90s, even running into Tom Hanks (the audience is meant to chuckle at this, knowing that Tom Hanks is the actor playing Forrest Gump). I haven't read the book to know what other events are included, but I'd like to see Forrest accidentally bursting through the Berlin Wall and accidentally training Al-Qaeda soldiers to pilot commercial aircrafts as explosive weapons. Forrest's narration for this scene would close as follows, "Some years later, I heard those fellas flew too close to a couple'a buildings, caused a whole heap'a mess."
Mar 7 2007More Spider-Man 3 Venom Crap
Venom is now available as the above sex doll.
Ain't It Cool News has a collection of new Spider-Man 3 images, mostly of different stages of Venom's transformation, from the Art of Spider-Man 3 book. Some of the art includes models of makeup effects and sketches of character designs. Others define art with a much looser definition, such as a photograph of Topher Grace with fishing line tugging on parts of his face. Still, most dads will agree, it's more art than that "melting clock bullshit" or "whatever-the-f*** with the soup cans."
Mar 6 2007Fracture Poster
The poster for Fracture was just about to win the award for Most Boring Poster, but at the last minute it won Most Lecherous Gaze From a Creepy Old Man instead. Either way, consider it a winner.
Mar 6 2007Homo Erectus Trailer
Adam Rifkin, writer of the upcoming Underdog, has written, directed, and starred in a "caveman comedy" that appears to be the plot and jokes of a softcore porn without the erotic grinding. I need others to watch this just to tell me if there's absolutely any way this was made any later than 1995. They claim it's new this year, but I don't see how that's possible. Didn't anyone else see this trailer before Reality Bites?
Mar 6 2007Mist Set Pictures
Good news if you're excited about Frank Darabont's adaptation of Stephen King's short story The Mist: there are set reports and pictures here! The bad news: no mist.
Mar 6 2007300 Cinemax Exclusive Clip
Play the clip above for a Cinemax exclusive from 300 that features a short introduction by Zack Snyder and Gerard Bulter followed by gore-filled fight scene. Not safe for work if your work doesn't allow huge quantities of blood, excessive slow-motion, or gay undertones.
Mar 6 2007G.I. Joe Movie Planned with Wahlberg?
As the '80s toyline/cartoon series movie trend becomes the new superhero movie trend of Hollywood, producer Lorenzo di Bonaventura has revealed that following the release of Transformers, he has plans to immediately begin work on a big-screen adaptation of G.I. Joe. Mark Wahlberg, who has worked with di Bonvaventura on Shooter and Four Brothers, is already being mentioned for the role of G.I. Joe team leader, Duke, a widely-acknowledged real American hero.
No word yet on specifically how this pleasant memory of childhood will be butchered, but I'm imagining the terrorist outfit Cobra will be altered to reflect current threats, possibly renamed Al Qobra, and I'm assuming Larry the Cable Guy will have a supporting role as the "goofy but dependable explosives expert who's always eager to 'Git 'er done.'"
Mar 6 2007Spider-Man 3 Full-Scene Madness
Last night, NBC gave Howie Mandel a brief respite from commanding women to open briefcases to provide the geek community with over seven minutes of new footage from Spider-Man 3. It opens with scenes of Peter and Mary Jane canoodling in a web and Peter and Aunt May discussing marriage and her dead husband. This is what I refer to as the "p**** section," because enjoying this section too much means you're definitely a big puss. The proper response is to roll your eyes and mutter that you hope this is building up to something exciting. Man alive, is it! The latter half of the footage, hereafter referred to as "awesome fighting section," is exactly what it sounds like, featuring a mid-air battle between Peter Parker and Harry Osborn as whatever his x-treme sports-style derivative of the Green Goblin is.
If the above link goes down, it's available at NBC.com until 9:00 PT tonight, after which it will be available for $25 as a third-generation VHS dub from a freak at a comics convention.
