February 26, 2007
Last night, Hollywood held the most lavish employee of the year ceremony known to man, calling it "The Oscars." The results of their categorical awarding were as follows, accompanied by my recommended nickname(s) to use when congratulating the winner.
Best motion picture of the year
Nickname(s): D-Part, Depart Chopra
Performance by an actor in a leading role
Forest Whitaker in "The Last King of Scotland"
Nickname(s): Witty, Forry, Rainforest, Ol' Screwy Eye
Performance by an actor in a supporting role
Alan Arkin in "Little Miss Sunshine"
Nickname(s): Al of Ark, Alan of the Lost Ark, Barkin' Arkin, Alan Alda
Performance by an actress in a leading role
Helen Mirren in "The Queen"
Nickname(s): Hell Hole, Jeerin' Mirren, GILF
Performance by an actress in a supporting role
Jennifer Hudson in "Dreamgirls"
Nickname(s): Hudsucker, J-Hud, American Idol Loser
Best animated feature film of the year
Nickname(s): Hap-Fee, Stupid Dancing Penguin Movie
Achievement in art direction
Nickname(s): Panny, Pan-Lab
Achievement in cinematography
Achievement in costume design
Nickname(s): Marieantoinette (said quickly, as if one word)
Achievement in directing
Martin Scorsese, "The Departed"
Best documentary feature
"An Inconvenient Truth"
Nickname(s): Incon, The Al Gore One, Liberal Lies
Best documentary short subject
"The Blood of Yingzhou District"
Nickname(s): The B.Y.D., Yingzy, Any combination of "ching, chang, chong" said in offensive accent
Achievement in film editing
Best foreign language film of the year
"The Lives of Others"
Nickname(s): The L of O, Lives
Achievement in makeup
Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original score)
Gustavo Santaolalla, "Babel"
Nickname(s): Guster, Tivo, Santa, La-la
Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original song)
"I Need to Wake Up" from "An Inconvenient Truth"
Music and Lyric by Melissa Etheridge
Nickname(s): Mel, Ether, Lesbian
Best animated short film
"The Danish Poet"
Best live action short film
"West Bank Story"
Nickname(s): West Bank Stor'
Achievement in sound editing
"Letters from Iwo Jima"
Nickname(s): Letters, Iwo Jimster, The Jimster, Iwo Jimbo
Achievement in sound mixing
Achievement in visual effects
"Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest"
Nickname(s): Rates-DMC, Dead Man's Chest, Peter O'Toole's Chest
Screenplay by William Monahan
Nickname(s): Bill Monahan
"Little Miss Sunshine"
Written by Michael Arndt
Nickname(s): Mikey A, Arndt You Michael?
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