Mar 2 2007Cage Speaks on National Treasure 2
Thesbian Nicolas Cage was recently kind enough to provide the world with an interview regarding the sequel to National Treasure, which is currently being scripted. When asked, "Is it about Abraham Lincoln?", a commonly asked question, Cage replied:
Yeah, Abraham Lincoln and confederate gold and the assassination. It's interesting stuff. What I like about the 'National Treasure' potential series is that it deals with history and it's also entertaining. That's also a good thing. There are worse things to do than to stimulate young people's minds about history as you're entertaining them.
Nic makes a good point about National Treasure stimulating the minds of our youth about history, particularly made up history about the Founding Fathers hiding secret treasure with clues embedded in famous historical documents. If it hadn't been for the inspiration of that film, it's unlikely that 10-year-old Matthew Wilson of Chicago, IL would have discovered the hidden map on the back of Washington's wooden teeth that led to finding all that gold in Thomas Jefferson's corpse. Congratulations again, Matty!
Mar 2 2007New Spider-Man 3 Art
With just a couple months left until the big release, Sony has released some new Spider-Man 3 artwork. They're worried that with all the other posters and trailers and crap out there, we might somehow not understand that this black shit covers him and gives him a new suit. So take a look at this airbrushed creation of Spider-Man having black shit cover him and give him a new suit.
Additionally, there will be a few minutes of footage shown during and immediately after this Monday's Heroes that will hopefully give us a clue as to if Spider-Man gets covered in any black shit and/or gets some sort of new suit.
Mar 2 2007Paprika Trailer
While American animation continues to stagnate in the world of Shrek sequels, the Japanese are reinventing my nightmares with strange, surreal imagery and terrifying mutations, as seen in this trailer for Paprika. I don't know how to explain what it looks like except by saying that this might be your new "playing Pink Floyd and staring at a black light poster."
Mar 2 2007Galactus Confirmed for Fantastic Four 2
A large headpiece is frequently compensation for other inadequacies.
There has been a lot of Internet rumor and speculation about whether Galactus, devourer of worlds and the occasional Cheesy Gordita Crunch (when available), will appear in The Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer. Director Tim Story has confirmed on his MySpace that he indeed will.
There continues to be much speculation about Galactus. Major speculation. We haven't finished the design of him/it so be careful about what you read and believe. Trust me...no one knows. One things for sure, you can expect to see him/it. It will be pretty powerful. I'm having a lot of fun with the concept and believe me - MOST will be satisfied.
Plan your day accordingly.
Mar 2 2007Geico Cavemen Coming to TV
ABC has announced that they are developing the popular "Caveman" series of Geico Auto Insurance commercials into a half-hour comedy project, or, if you prefer, a thinly-disguised infomercial series. The ads have gathered a following for their jokes about prehistoric men fighting prejudice from the modern world, much in the way hobos fight the prejudice of me and my "hobo stick."
Strange as is it seems, this won't be the first time a commercial has made the jump to a series, as Baby Bob, based on dot-com ads, did the same thing in 2002. It also won't be the first time a caveman stars in a regular sitcom, with Ted Danson having played a caveman bartender on Cheers and a caveman doctor on Becker to mixed results.
Mar 1 2007Danny Boyle to Direct Ponte Tower
Danny Boyle, director of 28 Days Later and the upcoming Sunshine, has announced his next project to be Ponte Tower, a thriller set entirely within South Africa's massive skyscraper of the same name. The 54-story cylindrical tower once stood as a powerful phallus of white affluence under Apartheid, but eventually became a virtual hellhole with the increased presence of gang member residents and the strength of the powerful orc armies. Michael Thomas' script, loosely based on a book by Norman Ohler, tells the story of a girl from Soweto who moves to the tower at the end of Apartheid, only to come under the control of a charming drug lord.
Ponte Tower Fact: The cylindrical tower's hollow center means that it could be filled with candy, likely ending the gang disputes within.
Mar 1 2007A Werewolf Woman of the SS
Rob Zombie has posted some half-naked pictures of his wife on his MySpace, showing a scene from his contribution to Grindhouse, Werewolf Women of the SS. It kind of got me wondering which aspect of a Werewolf Women of the SS would most prevent you from sleeping with her. The choices are...
a) That she's a werewolf.
b) That she's a Nazi.
c) That she's had sex with Rob Zombie.
To me, the choice is obviously C. The first two considerations can be ignored if you keep your rendezvous away from full moons and Kosher delis. There will still be the guilt that you're sleeping with a Nazi, but isn't there always some? As for having slept with Rob Zombie, there's no amount of cleaning that's washing away that sin.
See more at Mr. Zombie's MySpace.
Mar 1 2007Prince of Persia Concept Art
Even on horses, the Persian in the middle is said to be "riding bitch."
Following rumor that a movie based on the video game Prince of Persia is being developed, supposed concept art has now been released, depicting how Disney would like the film to look. That look is apparently like a painting you'd find at a garage sale.
Two more here.
Mar 1 2007Captivity Poster
Elisha Cuthbert as a busty Han Solo.
This sexy new poster for the Elisha Cuthbert's horror Captivity gives an all new meaning to "putting 'em on the glass." Unless you already considered "'em" to be breasts, then it's the same meaning of smushing breasts against glass.
Mar 1 2007Borat DVD Looks Like Bootleg
According to Slash Film, the DVD cover art for Borat, coming out this Tuesday, is designed to give the impression of a pirated bootleg, an added reminder of the poverty level and criminality of the people mocked within.
Apparently there is not a word of english on the packaging. The DVD cover also appears to look color-copied (complete with off color tones, slightly blurred company logos, blurry text and moire pattern/lithographic scans.
What's odd is that I haven't seen this information anywhere else, and any other shots I've seen of the cover (Amazon, for instance) have shown English writing. I tried confirming the story with a kind shirtless man on Canal St. who was selling a version of Borat quite similar to this. He assured me this was the accurate "bootleg" look of the cover for not just Borat, but many other films as well. Spider-Man 4, for instance, lists the cast and plot summary of True Lies on the back, I guess as a joke. I confessed that I didn't think Spider-Man 3 had even been released yet, let alone 4, which shirtless man took as an offer to buy both.
Now twenty minutes into Spider-Man 4, I feel it plays eerily similarly to a third-generation copy of Arachnophobia.
Feb 28 2007Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer TV Spot
If seeing Oscar Sunday night left you hungry for more shiny, muscular, nearly naked men, just watch this new spot for Fantastic Four 2: Rise of the Silver Surfer, starring just such a specimen, then have yourself a long, cool shower and get back to bed with your wife, never speaking of these events again.
Feb 28 2007Next Weekend at Bernie's
If you remember Weekend at Bernie's, you'll recall wasting your time and money watching a couple of retards move their boss's corpse around for a weekend of physical comedy. As a warning, some jerks are about to try to get you to repeat the process by watching Next Weekend at Bernie's, which is exactly the same as Weekend at Bernie's save for two differences:
1. Instead of the beach house of the original, Bernie invites the two guys to his ski lodge, meaning we'll probably be seeing a skiing corpse at least once.
2. This time I know Bernie's dead, so these two guys are not going to fool me again by putting sunglasses on him and leaning him against something.
NOTE: No, you didn't imagine the box office flop Weekend at Bernie's II. This is in addition to that.
Feb 28 2007Star Trek Cast Filling Out?
According to IGN, Paramound may be near signing the leads for JJ Abram's Star Trek XI. The report claims Matt Damon, long-rumored for the part, will take on the role of Kirk, with Adrien Brody and Gary Sinise filling in the roles of Spock and Bones respectively.
If they can actually get this cast pulled together, it would really elevate the franchise to a new level, but I was under the impression they were meant to be around college age for this prequel. While I acknowledge that Gary Sinise has essentially been playing Bones for most of his career, if they try to sell me on him as a 24-year-old, I'll shit myself.
Incidentally, if they give Adrien Brody the classic Vulcan ears along with his standard nose, his entire head will be covered in giant, pointed curves of flesh, and it will be gross.
Feb 28 2007Darwin: The Movie
above: Scientist Charles Darwin, whose life's work would later be disproven by Christian myth.
Variety has announced that a biopic of Charles Darwin, based on the biography Annie's Box by the scientist's great-great-grandson Randall Keynes, is being planned. The film is being written by Master and Commander scribe John Collee and is set for a release in 2009. Unless another stronger, fitter biopic overtakes it.
Feb 28 2007Live Free or Die Hard Poster
Bruce Willis delivers his look of utter disapproval towards Internet-based terrorism in the new poster for Live Free or Die Hard, which is apparently also being called Die Hard 4.0.
The intensity in his eyes says "I'm still a bad ass," but the scabs on his face say "I'm also a meth head."
Feb 27 2007Sunshine Clip and New Trailer
In the astronomy world, our solar system is often thought of as a big family. The sun, though the largest and strongest force in the system, is referred to as "the son" simply because its name necessitates it. Mercury is a robot boy name Mercury. The rest of the planets are ex-wives of the sun, with Pluto serving as an aborted fetus, who the mother, one of the son's [sun's] ex-wives, would have named Mercury II. This confusing analogy is the reason much of space is still mystery.
I haven't fact-checked all of this, so there may be some mild errors, but there's one thing I do know for certain: the new media from Sunshine looks very good. The clip and new trailer can be seen by clicking the image above.
Feb 27 2007Leo DiCaprio: Communist?
In a case of cinematic yellow fever, it's been announced that Leonardo DiCaprio will follow up his role in big Oscar winner The Departed with another Honk Kong remake, the thriller Confessions of Pain.
"Pain" follows two close friends, one a police detective and the other a private detective, who team to investigate the murder of the cop's father-in-law. As the investigation proceeds, they uncover evidence that shows that nothing is as it appears.The original, released last year, was created by Alan Mak, Andrew Lau and Felix Chong, the team behind "Infernal Affairs," the Hong Kong film on which Oscar
winner "Departed" was based.
This either means that DiCaprio has learned a new respect for Hong Kong's rich film traditions and wants to adapt those stories for underexposed American audiences or, in my preferred theory, that Leo is a filthy communist betrayer, ready to sell our military secrets to the Chinese for some movie rights and a massage. Either way, I propose we react with violence.
Leonardo Di-Fact-rio: Heathrob Leo is slowly transforming into a big-headed combination of Kid Rock and Dracula.
Feb 27 2007The Ten Teaser Trailer
From the people who brought you Stella, The State, and Wet Hot American Summer comes The Ten, composed of ten stories, each based on one of the ten commandments. Directed by David Wain from a script by Wain & Ken Marino and Moses & God, two classic writing teams have joined forces to make the writings of God even more laughable. Command me excited!
Feb 27 2007The New Michael Myers
Rob Zombie has released the first shot of Michael Myers from his upcoming take on Halloween. Judging by the hair, I'd say the classic William Shatner mask from the original has been replaced by a Da Vinci Code-era Tom Hanks mask, an undoubtedly scarier guise.
Feb 27 2007Skinwalkers Poster and Trailer
In Skinwalkers, two rival werewolf families war over a boy and his mother. If that isn't stupid enough, the trailer wasn't able to convince me anyone actually turned into a wolf. The werewolf fights were composed of driving motorcycles and shooting at each other. In fact, it may have been an episode of the early-'90s action series Renegade with werewolf lines overdubbed.
Feb 26 2007Vacancy Trailer
Everyone's seen the movie, watched the television show, or read the story about that couple whose car breaks down while on a trip, forcing them to stay for the night in a strange hotel or creepy mansion where they encounter dangerous circumstances they never could have expected.
Well, he makers of Vacancy are really banking on the hope that you somehow haven't, because that's literally all they've got. Kudos to them for getting Luke Wilson and Kate Beckinsale to star in it.
Feb 26 2007New York Comic Con Hostel II Poster
The New York Comic Con not only brought attendants their first look at a new Hostel: Part II poster, it brought many of them a first look at exposed breasts.
See boobs under the cut.
Feb 26 2007And the Winners Are... (Referring to Oscar Winners)
Last night, Hollywood held the most lavish employee of the year ceremony known to man, calling it "The Oscars." The results of their categorical awarding were as follows, accompanied by my recommended nickname(s) to use when congratulating the winner.
Best motion picture of the year
"The Departed"
Nickname(s): D-Part, Depart Chopra
Performance by an actor in a leading role
Forest Whitaker in "The Last King of Scotland"
Nickname(s): Witty, Forry, Rainforest, Ol' Screwy Eye
Performance by an actor in a supporting role
Alan Arkin in "Little Miss Sunshine"
Nickname(s): Al of Ark, Alan of the Lost Ark, Barkin' Arkin, Alan Alda
Performance by an actress in a leading role
Helen Mirren in "The Queen"
Nickname(s): Hell Hole, Jeerin' Mirren, GILF
Performance by an actress in a supporting role
Jennifer Hudson in "Dreamgirls"
Nickname(s): Hudsucker, J-Hud, American Idol Loser
Best animated feature film of the year
"Happy Feet"
Nickname(s): Hap-Fee, Stupid Dancing Penguin Movie
Achievement in art direction
"Pan's Labyrinth"
Nickname(s): Panny, Pan-Lab
Achievement in cinematography
"Pan's Labyrinth"
Achievement in costume design
"Marie Antoinette"
Nickname(s): Marieantoinette (said quickly, as if one word)
Achievement in directing
Martin Scorsese, "The Departed"
Best documentary feature
"An Inconvenient Truth"
Nickname(s): Incon, The Al Gore One, Liberal Lies
Best documentary short subject
"The Blood of Yingzhou District"
Nickname(s): The B.Y.D., Yingzy, Any combination of "ching, chang, chong" said in offensive accent
Achievement in film editing
"The Departed"
Best foreign language film of the year
"The Lives of Others"
Nickname(s): The L of O, Lives
Achievement in makeup
"Pan's Labyrinth"
Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original score)
Gustavo Santaolalla, "Babel"
Nickname(s): Guster, Tivo, Santa, La-la
Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original song)
"I Need to Wake Up" from "An Inconvenient Truth"
Music and Lyric by Melissa Etheridge
Nickname(s): Mel, Ether, Lesbian
Best animated short film
"The Danish Poet"
Nickname(s): D.P.
Best live action short film
"West Bank Story"
Nickname(s): West Bank Stor'
Achievement in sound editing
"Letters from Iwo Jima"
Nickname(s): Letters, Iwo Jimster, The Jimster, Iwo Jimbo
Achievement in sound mixing
"Dreamgirls"
Nickname(s): D-Girls
Achievement in visual effects
"Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest"
Nickname(s): Rates-DMC, Dead Man's Chest, Peter O'Toole's Chest
Adapted screenplay
"The Departed"
Screenplay by William Monahan
Nickname(s): Bill Monahan
Original screenplay
"Little Miss Sunshine"
Written by Michael Arndt
Nickname(s): Mikey A, Arndt You Michael?
