Feb 23 2007Silver Surfer on Empire
Empire Magazine has posted their latest cover that bears the image of the chrome man known as Silver Surfer from the new Fantastic Four movie. You can't see it in the shadows, but he's wearing the same polka dot bikini he wore when he was the first silver man to grace the cover of a magazine some ten years ago, though he was about forty pounds lighter then and didn't have an asinine talk show.
Feb 23 2007Catching Up With Matty McM
What movie making is "Mad" Matt McMconaughey up to lately? Production Weekly provides a handy update:
Matthew McConaughey is set to make his next project "Surfer Dude," slated to begin filming early May. He's currently co-starring with Kate Hudson in Andy Tennant's "Fool's Gold," which will continue filming in Australia until March. McConaughey is also set to topline the romantic comedy "Ghosts of Girlfriends Past," with Mark S. Waters directing early next year.
Matthew McConaughey starring in something called Surfer Dude is probably the most appropriate casting ever done outside of casting someone as themselves. Let's hope Hollywood continues their smart casting choices and also give him the lead in Crazy Bearded Shirtless Rapist. I think he's earned it.
McConaughfact: I use any excuse I can to post this picture.
Feb 23 2007Talks of More National Treasures, Prince of Persia
Nicolas Cage spreads himself silently and without warning.
To me, Nicolas Cage is the acting equivalent of herpes. He's not as deadly as an AIDS (Kevin Costner) or as brain damaging as a syphilis (Rob Schneider), but he's still a definite nuisance to say the least, and just when you think maybe he's gone, there's another breakout. Clearly our current medication isn't working, because now, after tolerating Wicker Man, Ghost Rider, and the soon-to-be-released Next, there are talks of two additional National Treasure sequels after the upcoming Book of Secrets. Cage hasn't officially been linked to the pictures, but I have to assume he would keep his role. He is, unofficially, the national treasure being referred to. So until someone invents a once-daily Valtrex for Nic Cage, we're just going to have to be careful when we go to the theater.
The story also notes that video game Prince of Persia could soon find its way to screens, but it remains unclear whether or not Nicolas Cage will ruin that.
Feb 23 2007Justice League Movie in the Works
With the recent enormous popularity of superhero films, even when they're stupid and about a motorcycle driving skeleton, it was only a matter of time before someone embarked on the mother of all comic movies: the Justice League of America. Variety reports that Warner Bros. has commissioned Michele and Kieran Mulroney have been hired to pen the script for the potentially massive feature.
Though the JLA's lineup has continually changed over the years, it has included Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, Aquaman, Flash, Green Lantern, Martian Manhunter, Hawkman, the Atom and others. Now, the question remains as to how they'll cast such a huge film, particularly when Christian Bale and Brandon Routh are already playing the hero roles in other films. I'm guessing they'll have to scale down the star power, meaning we'll likely see the JLA with David Schwimmer as Superman and the newly laid-off cast of The OC filling out the rest.
I don't want to suggest Eddie Murphy in makeup for every role, but I'm just going to put it out there for you to think about.
Feb 23 2007Fantastic Mr. Fox Voices Cast?
An article in The Hollywood Reporter has revealed that George Clooney and Cate Blanchett are close to signing on as the voice leads in Wes Anderson's stop-motion adaptation of The Fantastic Mr. Fox. Based on the Roald Dahl book, Clooney would play Mr. Fox, a clever fox who steals from the supplies of three mean local farmers, with Blanchett playing his wife, presumably Mrs. Fox. After remembering the above illustration from the book, I'm thinking Charles Nelson Reilly might have been a better choice.
Feb 23 2007Late Night with Jimmy Fallon?
It's well known that when Leno ends his tenure at The Tonight Show, ending the side-splitting weekly comedic social commentary that is "JayWalking," Late Night host Conan O'Brien will be the man moving to the coveted 11:35 slot. As for O'Brien's current slot, it's still up in the air. There have been talks of moving Last Call host and all-around tool Carson Daly up, but now another contender has risen: the intentionally disheveled coiffure of Mr. Jimmy Fallon. Though nothing has yet been set in stone, Fallon is rumored to be signing a holding deal with NBC to keep his TV services exclusive to the network, but leaving him open for more terrible movies and Pepsi commercials.
Fallon would be a terrible talk show host, but there is an upside to this news: we're guaranteed every other network Fallon free for at least a few years.
Feb 23 2007Next Trailer
Based on a Philip K. Dick short story, Next tells the story of Cris Johnson (Nicolas Cage, for whatever reason), a man who can see into his own future and must avoid a government organization (led by Julianne Moore) while winning the heart of the future mother of his child (Jessica Biel). Even with the crazy seeing into the future part, the hardest concept for me to swallow is that Nic Cage would have a shot with Jessica Biel. Forget the government pursuit plot; you're going to need two hours just to convince me that a woman who looks like Jessica Biel would ever even look past this old guy's crazy hair. Trailer now available.
Feb 22 2007Grindhouse Theater Banner
I'm so enamored with Grindhouse that even this simple banner excites me with its perfect blend of hotties and badasses. It has usurped both Fleshlight banner ad of cartoon guy saying "feels just like a real pussy!" and college douchebag's Budweiser banner in his living room as my favorite banner, something we all swore would never happen.
Click the image to make it full size for detailed viewing. I promise it won't redirect you to the Fleshlight page.
Feb 22 2007Scorsese Adapting Children's Novel?
As reported by Variety, Martin Scorsese's future directorial efforts may include the children's novel The Invention of Hugo Cabret by Brian Selznick, which Warner Bros. has just acquired the right to adapt.
Published last month by Scholastic, "The Invention of Hugo Cabret" concerns a 12-year-old orphan who lives in the walls of a Paris train station in 1930 and a mystery involving the boy, his late father and a robot.
I'll be interested to see how Scorsese adapts his typically tough-guy style of filmmaking to a children's book. I'll be even more interested to see how the kids react when the movie's robot, now Italian and played by Robert DeNiro, pulls the orphan boy's teeth out one by one for disrespecting his robot family.
Feb 22 2007The Day the Earth Stood Still Remake Coming
Fox has confirmed that the '50s sci-fi classic The Day the Earth Stood Still, the story of an alien (Klaatu) and his robot (Gort) trying to convince the Earth to live peacefully before it's destroyed, is next in the long plague of remakes headed to theaters. Few other details have been released, but I think it's safe to say Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan will definitely play the alien and robot, respectively.
Feb 22 2007Bateman and Cera Reunite for Juno
The Hollywood Reporter reports that Arrested Development father/son duo Jason Bateman and Michael Cera will be reuniting, along with Allison Janney and Jennifer Garner, in Fox Searchlight's Juno.
Based on a script from writer Diablo Cody, Ellen Page stars as Juno, a high school girl confronted with a teenage pregnancy. Bateman will play the emotionally stunted husband of Garner; the couple is interested in adopting Juno's unborn child. Janney, best known for her long-running role in "The West Wing," will play Juno's stepmother. Cera will play Juno's loyal best friend and the one responsible for her pregnancy.
There will come the day when a personal Bateman will be found in every home in America, but until then, enjoy him in every single movie being made.
Feb 22 2007Zoo Poster
With now-famous video sensations like Star Wars Kid, Numa Numa Guy, and Nintendo64 Kid (search YouTube for these if interested), sometimes the Internet can make celebrities out of the unwilling when their personal videos find their way online. Such was the case of Mr. Hands, a Seattle man who let a horse have sex with his butt on tape as his friends watched/masturbated (search disgusting places for this if interested, pervert). Rather surprisingly, the horse's forearm-size member would eventually cause serious damage to Mr. Hands' standard-size internal organs, killing him.
Though he is now gone, Hands lives on through poorly-shot video and the warning not to ram a horse's penis into your intestines, but that is not his only legacy. His epic tale has now been immortalized through film in the movie Zoo, and here is the poster.
You know in a cartoon, when someone sees a lot of money and their eyes turn into dollar signs? This is the equivalent effect for when a horse sees that he gets to have sex with some dude.
Feb 22 2007American Girl Movie!
(above: Depression-era Kit plugs her latest anti-Hoover propoganda)
If there's one cinematic genre that will surely never tire, it's movies based on dolls. With such classics as Barbie and Rapunzel, Bratz: The Movie, Glitz 'N' Glamour with the Bratz, and Child's Play, what was once a niche market has really come into its own as a powerhouse of film. There's an undeniable magic to seeing an inanimate (but beautiful) hunk of plastic come to life, which may account for the continued childhood popularity of 'shrooms.
According to Variety, the next doll line to find its way to the theaters will be American Girl, a joint venture between HBO, New Line Cinema, and little girls. The picture will focus on the doll Kit Kittredge, a 9-year-old girl enduring hardships during the Great Depression, which we all know is the third favorite subject of young girls, coming in just after the Holocaust and gang rape. This should be a fun one.
Feb 21 2007The Condemned Poster
On the poster for The Condemned, viewers are informed that: 10 people will fight, 9 people will die, and you get to watch. But what you aren't told is that while you're watching, "Stone Cold" Steve Austin takes a poo somewhere in your house.
Feb 21 2007Run, Fat Boy, Run Trailer
Written by Michael Ian Black and starring Simon Pegg, Run, Fat Boy, Run has potential for being a decent comedy despite the direction of David Schwimmer. If you're like me, after watching the trailer, you're slightly confused that Simon Pegg isn't particularly fat. Well noted, keen observer. They've made a terrible folly by not, as the title implies, goading an actual fat person to run. I've seen it in person, and it's always a pretty solid laugh.
Feb 21 2007Transformers in Sweet Car Form
Low on gas mileage, high on transforming.
Moviehole has four new pictures of Transformers Bumblebee, Jazz, Ratchet, and Ironhide from GM's pre-Oscar fashion event in Hollywood. Strangely, the four heroes chose to never convert to their awesome giant robot forms during the entire event, leading me to speculate these may have just been some cars.
See the others under the cut.
Feb 21 2007New Title for Rambo IV
In keeping with the theme of the latest Stallone movie title, Rocky Balboa, the new Rambo, first called Rambo IV: In the Serpent's Eye, later Rambo IV: Pearl of the Cobra has again been retitled to the more elegant John Rambo. Blockbuster managers, please alter all bargain bin DVD signage to reflect this change.
Feb 21 2007Resident Evil: Extinction Teaser
After the critical lambasting of the first two films, Resident Evil goes for a third with Resident Evil: Extinction. To save some of your time, movie critics, might I suggest cleverly using the word extinct in your reviews (e.g., extinct of plot, extinct of any substance, extinct of entertainment, or I wish dinosaurs weren't extinct so there would be a greater chance they could have mauled and eaten anyone associated with Resident Evil: Extinction before they had time to make it).
Feb 20 2007Even Stevens Joining Indiana Jones?
In the world of Indiana Jones IV news, several sites have reported that Shia LaBeouf will have a large part in the upcoming movie, probably playing Indiana's son and definitely ruining the movie. It's not that Even Stevens is such a bad actor, it's just that adding more relative characters is surely a bad sign for the series, particularly if they're also adding these member of the Jones clan:
Ohio Jones - Seldom-mentioned brother of Indiana, named not after a pet but love of the actual state, Ohio is seldom seen without his signature derby cap and length of rope. The siblings frequently butts heads over who had the better discovery: Indy finding the Ark of the Covenant or Ohi finding how much a hint of almond extract added to his famous pancake batter.
Uncle Poopy Jones - Brother of Dr. Jones, Sr., Uncle Poopy's habitual flatulence always seems to slip out at the wrong times, alerting Nazis and treasure hunters alike to his presence.
Indiana (dog) - Thanks to an ancient relic found in a Mayan temple, Indiana Jones was able to resurrect his deceased eponymous dog to aid in his adventures. Voices by Robin Williams, this CGI creation will always sniff down the treasure... unless someone puts a cat in his way!
It should be noted, I have no evidence of these other characters existing anywhere.
Feb 20 2007The Winner is a Loser, Says Me
To promote Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane's new live-action show, Fox has posted the first four episodes to watch here. The first episode plays out like The 40-Year-Old Virgin as done by the staff of Married With Children, with crude jokes delivered with the deftness of junior high drama club. The overall story seems to focus on the exploits of a middle-aged loser, Glen (Rob Corddry), and his strange, possibly illegal, relationship with an equally awkward but precocious 13-year-old boy. To add to the laughs, there's also a group of stereotypes Glen works with at a video store, including an affeminate gay man and hispanic lethario.
The awkward presence of the canned laughter makes me question if it the show is somehow self-aware of how bad it is or if it's just bad, but it is definitely, definitely bad. See for yourself.
Feb 19 2007Penelope Trailer
Penelope looks like someone forced Tim Burton to make a film in the style of "The (Something Girly) Diaries," and I mean that in the worst way possible. The classic ugly duckling story has never been made with such a large forehead.
Feb 19 2007The Simpsons Trailer Number Three
The third trailer to The Simpsons movie is ready for consumption above or in higher quality here.
We've been waiting 18 years for this one, so let's hope it turns out better than the last thing we waited 18 years for: the Olsen twins. Because, man, I don't even want them anymore.
Feb 19 2007Aqua Teen Hunger Force Poster
This new poster for Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film For Theatres is a great throwback to that classic swords and sorcery fantasy art that keeps you buying those old Conan novels, hoping it will somehow bring you closer to that fur bikini-clad vixen on the cover.
