Jan 26 2007New The Simpsons Movie Shots
The communists over at Kino-Express have acquired some new stills from The Simpsons Movie. This one is a cute self-referential political cartoon wherein Homer (representing Matt Groening et al.) happily prepares to beat Bart (The Simpsons franchise) with a hammer (a metaphorical hammer you use to beat a franchise into the ground).
UPDATE: Some were taken down, but there are more here.
Jan 26 2007Another Muppet Series Coming?
TV Series Finale reports there may be a new Muppet series in the works depending on the success of a pilot being passed around Disney right now. The pilot is a mockumentary-style mini-series that follows the Muppets as they struggle to assemble a new show after moving on with their lives.
If this is true, and the Muppets do return, I'm telling them right now--better yet, I'm warning you right now, Muppets... I'm gonna f*** one of you. I don't care which one. It may be Piggy, it may be Gonzo, it may be Kermit or even poor, naive Fozzie... but I'm gonna get one of you. It's not personal. It's not some sick fetish. I just want to see what it's like.
Jan 26 2007Luc Besson's Angel-A Trailer
Luc Besson breaks new ground in his filmmaking with Angel-A, a movie about a schlub who finds a tall, strikingly beautiful but supernatural woman to accompany him on his exploits. If you remember his sci-fi adventure The Fifth Element, this is the same thing but exchanging sci-fi for art house. If there's one regret in Luc Besson's life, it's that he didn't create Bewitched.
Thanks to AICN, huge version here, small version here.
Angel-A-Fact: The hyphen in the title of Angel-A is to assist idiots in realizing the name Angela contains the word angel.
Jan 25 2007Become Ghost Rider (in the loosest sense possible)
While typing random ambitions of mine into my browser address bar and discovering that there is no ArmWrestleJesus.com, I found that there is a BecomeGhostRider.com. The site is an ill-conceived promotional tool for Ghost Rider wherein those with webcams can make it look like they used a Photoshop tutorial to add flames to themselves. I didn't do it myself, but I did appreciate the efforts of others, such as the man above, who felt it necessary and acceptable to take his shirt off.
Honorary mentions go out to guy who bothered putting on a rubber skull mask and clearly-stoned-guy who's mellow but kind of freaking out about being on fire.
Jan 25 2007Alvin and the Chipmunks Director Chosen
We've known for a while that work was being done on a live-action/CGI Alvin and the Chipmunks movie (though no one knew why), but a new development has arrived with the announcement of director Tim Hill, director of Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties. Hill is a good choice for several reasons:
1. Garfield 2 proves his ability to seamlessly blend live action and CGI into uniform turd.
3. At least he didn't make the first Garfield.
4. Otherwise, he may make Garfield 3.
Jan 24 2007Norbit Looking Better and Better
Yahoo! has a hilarious clip from Norbit online that's sure to be the talk of the Internet. Get this: Norbit (Eddie Murphy playing Napoleon Dynamite) has got this really fat girlfriend (Eddie Murphy in fat suit), and she's so fat that her big fat boobs smoosh against the steering wheel when she gets in the car--making the horn honk! She's so unaware of her immense obesity that she blames Norbit for moving her seat up! Norbit points out that that's impossible, as the seat is already in the furthest position back. The fat one continues to insist the seat must have been moved, clearly unaware of her weight problem, claiming it's scientifically proven. Norbit denies this claim (rightfully so). The implication that Norbit's girlfriend's morbid obesity is the cause of the confusion upsets her so much that she slaps him. This is definitely one to watch. Four stars (****).
Jan 24 2007Werewolf Woman of the S.S.
As part of the spectacle that will be Grindhouse, Tarantino and Rodriguez have collected a group of directors to make trailers for made-up movies to go between features. This shot from Rob Zombie's Werewolf Women of the S.S. reminds us that, besides the atrocities against humanity they committed, the Nazis had some pretty good cabarets. Sometimes it just makes you think, if only we could have kept the Nazi nightclubs, eliminated the Nazi death camps. Such is the paradox of the Nazi.
Jan 24 2007Another Smokin' Aces Poster
Despite my misgivings about the kinetic hipness of Smokin' Aces, I really like the retro look of this poster. And I love any design that intentionally leads the eye directly to Jeremy Piven's cock.
Jan 23 2007Academy Award Nominations and Predictions
The Oscar nominations were released today and it's taken me this long to post them? I'd better have a good excuse. I DO! Using sophisticated analysis, I've determined the surefire predictors, and I'm passing on to you the most accurate list available of who will take home the awards in the major categories. Please, to be fair to those who don't read this, no wagering.
Performance by an actor in a leading role
Leonardo DiCaprio in "Blood Diamond"
Ryan Gosling in "Half Nelson"
Peter O'Toole in "Venus"
Will Smith in "The Pursuit of Happyness"
Forest Whitaker in "The Last King of Scotland"
Just when it seems like DiCaprio can't be beat, having ridden his anger at no double-"nom" for The Departed into a thorough beating of Gosling and Smith, O'Toole, in full Lawrence of Arabia garb, appears seemingly out of nowhere. Though aged, his lithe frame moves with a surprising grace, forcing DiCaprio to admit Titanic was "pretty gay" before delivering the final blow. Unfortunately, the O'Toole's victory dance covers the sound of Whitaker's snarls as he slices the Venus star's hamstrings with a move he'd been saving since Ghost Dog.
WINNER: Forest Whitaker
Performance by an actor in a supporting role
Alan Arkin in "Little Miss Sunshine"
Jackie Earle Haley in "Little Children"
Djimon Hounsou in "Blood Diamond"
Eddie Murphy in "Dreamgirls"
Mark Wahlberg in "The Departed"
A physical and emotional standoff between Arkin, Haley, Hounsou, Wahlberg and an unnamed sassy fat woman ends abruptly when it's discovered Murphy was actually all five parts. When the laughter finally fades, he is awarded five Oscars.
WINNER: Eddie Murphy
Performance by an actress in a leading role
Penelope Cruz in "Volver"
Judi Dench in "Notes on a Scandal"
Helen Mirren in "The Queen"
Meryl Streep in "The Devil Wears Prada"
Kate Winslet in "Little Children"
The nominees, looking lovely in their gowns, quickly devolve into blood-thirsty killers. Dench proves she's more than just a "dame" when she emerges with clumps of hair, clearly from Cruz and Winslet, larger than her stylish Vuitton clutch. As Mirren and Dench slip into a heated argument of who's "queenier," Streep discreetly collects the award for a role she describes in her acceptance speech as "a bullshit cakewalk."
WINNER: Meryl Streep
Performance by an actress in a supporting role
Adriana Barraza in "Babel"
Cate Blanchett in "Notes on a Scandal"
Abigail Breslin in "Little Miss Sunshine"
Jennifer Hudson in "Dreamgirls"
Rinko Kikuchi in "Babel"
During what appears to be the bloodiest battle since 'Nam, the fearsome five fall out of sight for a time described by some onlookers as as few as two minutes, by others as many as twenty. When all is said and done, Blanchett rises and approaches the stage. As a gorgeously dressed Cameron Diaz prepares to deliver the award, Blanchett drapes herself unnaturally over the podium. It's revealed she was only being held up by the stiff microphone stand run through her lifeless corpse by the night's winner, Jennifer Hudson.
WINNER: Jennifer Hudson
Best animated feature film of the year
"Cars"
"Happy Feet"
"Monster House"
Cars wins!
WINNER: Cars
Achievement in directing
"Babel" Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu
"The Departed" Martin Scorsese
"Letters from Iwo Jima" Clint Eastwood
"The Queen" Stephen Frears
"United 93" Paul Greengrass
Eastwood shows he's still got it by bringing out his old six-shooter and dispatching his fellow nominees with a valiant attempt at recreating his famous "Do I feel lucky" speech from Dirty Harry. Time and age prove to have taken their toll, with Eastwood's quote ending up fairly muddled, now ending with "Where's my lucky doggy?"
WINNER: Clint Eastwood
Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original song)
"I Need to Wake Up" from "An Inconvenient Truth"
Music and Lyric by Melissa Etheridge
"Listen" from "Dreamgirls"
Music by Henry Krieger and Scott Cutler
Lyric by Anne Preven
"Love You I Do" from "Dreamgirls"
Music by Henry Krieger
Lyric by Siedah Garrett
"Our Town" from "Cars"
Music and Lyric by Randy Newman
"Patience" from "Dreamgirls"
Music by Henry Krieger
Lyric by Willie Reale
No one cares enough to battle for the prize, and the decision is left to a board of out-of-touch industry voters.
WINNER: One of the turds from Dreamgirls.
Best motion picture of the year
"Babel"
"The Departed"
"Letters from Iwo Jima"
"Little Miss Sunshine"
"The Queen"
Babel and The Departed are made to look like a couple of pussies under the might of Letters from Iwo Jima, which in-turn falls to Little Miss Sunshine (the name ends up being sort of ironic). Despite its strong showing, LMS still finds itself unable to beat boring historic drama bullshit. I mean, come on--it's the Oscars.
WINNER: The Queen
Completists can see the complete list here.
Jan 22 2007Spider-Man 3 Photos
This may be what we call "old shit," but someone pointed out to me that the official Spider-Man 3 site has some possibly new pictures in the wallpapers section that I hadn't yet seen, showing off the new costumes and such. The above is James Franco, as Harry Osborn, taking over the villainous ways of his Green Goblin father by becoming Awesome Xtreme Super X-Box Dude.
A few others are under the cut.
Jan 22 2007Silver Surfer Appears Virile
One of the more amazing things about video technology today is that, even in a home setting, we're able to examine video frame by frame to find any secrets it may hold. With the Internet, it's now even possible to share these findings with a larger audience than even the biggest news outlets or chattiest Cathies. Having most recently inspected the Saddam Hussein hanging, discovering possible foul play, Internet video analysts (nerds) have now turned their attention to the next most pressing footage available: The Fantastic Four 2 trailer. Their findings? The Silver Surfer has really big testicles.
Jan 22 2007An American Crime Trailer
In An American Crime, Catherine Keener agrees to watch the children of another couple while they're away, only to end up torturing those children. It's like Who's the Boss, only Keener uses neglect and physical abuse instead of old baseball anecdotes.
Jan 22 2007New Harry Potter Photo
Call me crazy, but with this odd hairstyle and his head and neck growing disproportionately large for his frame, this Harry Potter guy is starting to look like a real asshole.
