Jan 5 2007News 300 Posters
Empire has a collection of new posters for 300, including one of this gentleman, who offers his opinion on God-Kings. In the background, the Spartans charge to attack the man simply because his culture is based on Mardis Gras beads.
Jan 5 2007Golden Compass Stills
Tons of stills from the first chapter of the His Dark Materials trilogy, The Golden Compass, have been released. The images show stars Nicole Kidman and pre-humanoid James Bond in costume, as well as providing proof of the Sam Elliott acting clause: "I'll be in your movie, but I'm wearing a f***ing cowboy hat. Deal."
Jan 5 2007Black Snake Moan Poster
You may think this image of Samuel L. Jackson holding a thick chain, looming over a half-naked Christina Ricci, is offensive. That's probably because you're thinking that she's chained up like a she-slave. Look closer, my friend, and you'll see that's not the case--she's willingly subservient without being chained up. The moral here is that sometimes just the threat of chaining a woman up is enough to shut her up. But sometimes it won't be, so make sure you're prepared to actually chain her up, or at least come up with a good excuse for why you can't do it right then.
Jan 5 2007Pan's Labyrinth Sketchbook
I still haven't made it out to see Pan's Labyrinth, but seeing this collection of Guillermo del Toro's sketches for the film made me realize something: this guy would probably be really good at designing sex toys.
Jan 4 2007The OC Goes Kaput
We've watched them, we've loved them, we've edited group photos of them so it looks like we're friends/lovers with them, but now it's all coming to a close: The OC has been canceled. Following drastic drops in ratings, Fox has decided to end our involvement in the lives of troubled Ryan, awkward Seth, socialite Summer, popular Taylor, recovering-alcoholic Kirsten, and Peter Gallagher's thick-eyebrowed Sandy.
Though they weren't family, it had grown to feel like it over the last four seasons. When company would come over, I'd first introduce them to my regular family, then my young, attractive OC family. Sometimes, if the person I was introducing my two families to was young and attractive, I'd just skip my normal family altogether.
This loss is particularly hard to deal with when I can still feel the pain of Marissa's untimely death in season three. It was like losing a family member that day. Worse, actually, because genetic flaws in my lineage leave my family predisposed to early death, while Marissa's demise came completely unexpectedly. Kudos to the excellent writing staff for that twist.
Where will I go now for obnoxious teenage drama? Probably to Laguna Beach or DeGrassi, my new families.
Jan 3 2007New Bionic Woman
In a moment indicative of NBC's commitment to bring America quality, original programming, it was announced today that The Bionic Woman will get an update in a new pilot for the network. In the original '70s series, tennis pro Jaime Sommers was granted amplified (bionic) hearing, a super-strong (bionic) right arm, and powerful (bionic) legs. Unfortunately, with the late '80s invention of Robocops, good hearing and some robot limbs just doesn't cut it anymore. Here are my notes to keep the series fresh and relevant for today's viewers:
- Instead of the old repetitive sound and slow-motion when using bionic parts, it plays SexyBack.
- While making the legs bionic, scientists were forced to infuse the brains of one of the Wayans brothers (doesn't matter which ones) in each leg. So when she uses them, they bicker and make little jokes about how skinny white girls' legs are.
- Runs Linux (appealing to nerds for some reason).
- Bionic lesbianism.
Jan 2 2007Grindhouse Poster
From the Tarantino/Rodriguez double feature Grindhouse comes a double poster for Death Proof and Planet Terror. How 2006.
Jan 2 2007Hannibal Rising Preview
Amazon has an exclusive trailer for Hannibal Rising available for those, like me, who assume it must be straight-to-video and try to order it. Rising details the early life of the murderous Hannibal Lector, when he was young and being played by a different actor than the four or so other Hannibal movies. Let it serve as a manual for parents to avoid raising a crazed cannibal kiler. Rule 1: Don't give your child a name that rhymes with "cannibal."
Hannibal Fact: Next summer, see Burt Reynolds take on the role of the famous serial killer in the final thrilling chapter of the series: competing in a wild cross-country car race in The Hannibal Run!
