Dec 8 2006Final 300 Trailer
The final trailer for 300 has hit the "net," more slow-motiony than ever. And seeing Spartan warriors move across your screen with the same velocity as Grandma petting her cat(s) really helps you realize, man, those guys had some gay outfits. I know your society was built on a foundation of homosexual pedophilia, but come on, you're going into battle. How about putting some pants on?
Dec 8 2006Pirates of the Caribbean 3 Poster (Arrr)
Here is the poster for Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End. Many of you may have seen this image before as the international warning symbol for Bohemian poison.
Dec 8 2006Pete Doherty Gets Animated, Then Drunk
A cartoon depiction of the misadventures of Pete Doherty is headed to television screens, according to the BBC. As if his life isn't enough of a cartoon already. He looks disgusting yet dates a supermodel and gets caught repeatedly with hard drugs, sprays people with blood, and injects passed out women but never goes to prison. At this point, authorities must have realized that incarcerating him would only lead to his painting a hole on the wall and escaping.
Dec 6 2006Ghost Rider Lenticular Poster
Holy technology! The new poster for Ghost Rider changes from the face of Nicolas Cage to a flaming skull as you walk past it to see a better movie!
Dec 6 2006Make a Better Factory Girl Poster
Fancy yourself a graphic designer? Well, you arrogant bastard, I've got a challenge for you. The makers of Factory Girl are hosting a contest to design a new poster for the film, desperately hoping this will make someone overlook the poor performances and decide to see it. If you're interested, go to the official site and download the design elements you get to work with. If you find you're still need of something to fill up some empty space in your poster, here are some quotes to add:
"Factory Girl is factorific!" - People
"Equivalent factory enjoyment of Triangle Shirtwaist Factory Fire, except much easier to leave." - Roger Ebert
"Speaking of girls, did I mention I have a fiance? I do." - Harry Knowles, Ain't It Cool News
Fact-ory Girl Fact: The title Factory Girl lends itself to the integration of the word "fact."
Dec 6 2006New Ratatouille Character Art
This image from a Ratatouille storybook and viewer provides us with two important pieces of information.
1. Aside from the rats, the movie also stars animated versions of young Martin Short, midget Raul Julia and slightly-less-alien Illeana Douglas.
2. The viewer has 3 (three) fun sounds.
Yeah, it's nice to see the human characters, but for God's sake what are these fun sounds!?
Dec 5 2006Fantasticar Has a Hemi?
If we can trust the Indian media (we can't), my claims that Mr. Fantastic may have erred in designing the Fantasticar with only three seats may be false. News agency Rediff claims it will be Dodge designing the in-movie car, with the automaker paying over a million dollars to have their name branded on the front of the vehicle.
Loyalty to the comic may cause some fans to be annoyed at the news, seeing it as just another way canon has been broken for the sake of commercialism, but I think I might just have a way the placement can be worked flawlessly into the plot...
Dec 5 2006Number 5 is Alive
Moviehole reports that Short Circuit, the high-tech '80s comedy that made it okay for Fisher Stevens to mock Indians, is the next in line for an updated modern remake, and absolutely no one knows why.
Fact Circuit: It's kind of awesome when Johnny 5 gets the gold coating at the end of Short Circuit 2.
Dec 5 2006Venus Poster
Left: The poster for Venus, starring Peter O'Toole. Right: Mummy of Ramses II with ascot, cartoon eyes, and hair of Andy Warhol.
Dec 4 2006The Hitcher: The Poster
In this poster for the remake of The Hitcher, we learn why this guy's not a very good murdering hitchhiker. First of all, in order to best attract your "mark," an extended thumb is generally preferred over a menacing, blood-drenched hand hanging limply at your side. Another rule of thumb among tradesman is to move down the road, away from the massive pools of blood left from the previous driving couple you brutally slaughtered. If possible, bring an animal carcass with you to the scene, providing a scapegoat for the fluid and maybe a good conversation starter for the period between getting in your victim's car and revealing that you're a mass murderer. That awkward time is generally considered the worst part of the job.
Bonus Hitchhiking Pet Peeve: The driver asking where I'm going. Hey, man, I wanted a ride, not an interrogation.
Dec 4 2006Hot Fuzz Trailer
See! A new trailer for Hot Fuzz, from the creators of Shaun of the Dead. If my desire to see this movie were a pictograph, it would be at least six-and-a-half pictures. And the picture? Probably this awesome drawing I made of a giant dragon slam dunking over Michael Jordan, Larry Bird, and a naked girl with four boobs.
Dec 4 2006Harry Potter Order of the Phoenix Preview
With a flagrant disregard for proper eyebrow maintenance, Daniel Radcliffe won't be in your Tiger Beat this month. Luckily for his fans, he was in a preview of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix aired on ABC Family this weekend. Ten-year-old girls and pedophiles have already had the privilege, but if you'd like to share in the excitement just click the clip above.
ABC Family-Fact: This six minutes was the network's first departure from 7th Heaven reruns.
