Dec 1 2006The Host Trailer
The Host is the biggest Korean film in history, giving it a special effects budget of nearly two episodes of of Xena: Warrior Princess, and now you can see the trailer before it hits the U.S. The graphic scenes depict a giant tentacle beast attacking a school girl, yet somehow avoids being pornographic, setting a positive example for the rest of Asia. I'm looking at you, Japan.
Dec 1 2006Bruce Campbell Wanted for Lobster
While peddling the nightmare fuel called Pan's Labrynth, Guillermo del Toro has graciously taken the time to answer some important questions from Entertainment Weekly's (E-Dub, as the kids call it) readers. Bravely refusing to acknowledge my question about his Ewok heritage, del Toro instead spoke a bit about his planned Hellboy sequel. Although creator Mike Mignola won't allow beloved character Lobster Johnson to be immortalized in film, del Toro still has a keen idea of who'd play him. If he had his way, the director would cast cult icon Bruce Campbell in the role, surely marking the first time a fat, bearded nerd has dreamed of little-known actor Campbell portraying a comic book character on film.
Dec 1 2006Lindsay Lohan as Stevie Nicks?
A rumor is circulating that Stevie Nicks, the Fleetwood Mac singer who made it fashionable for old ladies to stop cutting their hair, may be played by Lindsay Lohan, the gal who's making it fashionable to run around like a drugged-out whore, in an upcoming biopic. This is sure to stir up the classic debate of which is the better rumor, this casting rumor or the Fleetwork Mac album Rumours. If you said this rumor, you're fucking stupid. Have you not heard "Dreams"?
Fleetwood Fact: You think Tusk is the better album? Shut up. Just shut up.
Nov 30 2006The Fantastic Four Fantasticar
USA Today has the first shot of the Fantasticar (fantastic + car) from the upcoming Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer. Combining the attractiveness of gold plastic with the elegant shape of a ladies' razor, designed by genius leader Reed Richards specifically for the team, it appears to seat three.
Nov 30 2006Beverly Hills Cop is Back
Guess who's coming back to Beverly Hills! No, not Dylan, Brandon, and the class of West Beverly High School (I wish!), it's Axel Foley, the Beverly Hills cop. There have been talks of another sequel for years, but I'm guess the rising cost of transvestite prostitutes finally pushed Eddie Murphy to start really considering the series, which is supposedly now seeking a writer.
Look, Beverly Hills Cop, I really think it's time we call it quits. We tried this before (remember Beverly Hills Cop III?), and the magic just isn't there anymore. It's been years now. We've both changed, grown, policed other cities, yet every time I think I've ditched you, there you are, begging to come back. Can't you see I'm happy with Rush Hour now? So just drop it. It's getting kind of pathetic.
Nov 30 2006Yet Another Smokin' Aces Trailer
There's a third trailer for the super-stylized-hitman-action-comedy Smokin' Aces online. Having already mentioned the first and second trailers, what more can I say about it that hasn't already been poorly imitated on miniDV by first year film students and their roommates?
Nov 29 2006Mr. Bean's Vacation Trailer is a Vacation from Frowning!
Someone bothered to smuggle a camera into a theatre, bravely defying MPAA warnings, just to sneak the trailer to Mr. Bean's Holiday online for you. Normally even the shape of Mr. Bean's head annoys me too much to look at still photographs of him, let alone a full video, but I somehow managed to stomach the entire preview. If I understand the concept, Mr. Bean is a drug addict whose brain has been so wrecked with chemicals that he's unable to speak, move properly, or otherwise respond aside from simple grunts. We're then meant to laugh at his confusion and complete inability to function. As usual, it works--big time. Rowan Atkinson's lack of fine motor skills once again prove that brain-damage-adventure is still Britain's funniest genre.
Nov 29 2006Zellweger Ready to Fat It Up for Bridget Jones 3
Though the book is still not completed, the scrunched-up face of Renee Zellweger is already prepared to don her fat suit (her real body) for another chapter of the Bridget Jones series. A source told Britain's Daily Express:
The next film will leap forward 10 years. Mark Darcy and Daniel Cleaver are still on the scene and Bridget is about to give birth to Daniel's baby.
The article adds that Zellwegger gained 25 pounds for each of the first two movies. So, if my calculations are correct, the third film wil feature a Bridget that is 75 pounds overweight.
Bridget Jones Fact: Mostly popular with a female audience, Bridget Jones's Diary still ranks low for men, in a recent diary ranking showing up below Anne Frank's, The Red Shoe, and "Your Mom's."
Nov 28 2006The Identity of the Next Bond Villain?
If The Mirror is the Bible of fact that I know it is, and if Scott of InsomniacMania is the thorough, critical reader I know him to be, and if Eva Green actually knows what she's talking about, she may have revealed the identity of the next Bond villain! The actress told the tabloid that spy's nemesis in the next movie will be the boyfriend of the character she played in Casino Royale.
If this is true, I consider it a victory to boyfriends everywhere. I mean, when it comes down to it, Bond is really just the ultimate embodiment of the douchebag who hits on your girlfriend at a party. Sure, he's just talking, maybe trying to get some information on a villain mastermind's secret headquarters, but does he have to keep dropping how he's a spy, and showing off how his cuff links can shoot poisoned darts? And now he wants to take her around the block in his Aston Martin? Go right ahead. I'm not jealous. Oh, you've got a British accent, too? Yeah, you're really fucking cool. It's about time a boyfriend sticks it to James Bond.
Nov 28 2006Sci Fi Channel to Ruin Wizard of Oz
According to Sci Fi Wire, Sci Fi Channel is planning a miniseries for December 2007 called Tin Man, "a wild SF reimagining of The Wizard of Oz." I assumed this meant a horribly low budget, the special effects of a local car commercial, and adding Cylons from Battlestar Galactica, but Sci Fi promises even more:
The miniseries is a sometimes psychedelic, often twisted and always bizarre take on The Wizard of Oz. It centers on DG, a young woman plucked from her humdrum life and thrust into The Outer Zone (the O.Z.), a fantastical realm filled with wonder, but oppressed by dark magic. DG discovers her true identity, battles evil winged monkey-bats and attempts to fulfill her destiny. Her perilous journey begins on the fabled Old Road that leads to a wizard known as the Mystic Man. Along the way, she is joined by "Glitch," an odd man missing half his brain; "Raw," a quietly powerful wolverine-like creature longing for inner courage; and "Cain," a heroic former policeman (known in the O.Z. as a "Tin Man"), who is seeking vengeance for his scarred heart. Ultimately, DG's destiny leads her to a showdown with the wicked sorceress Azkadellia, whose ties to DG are closer than anyone could have imagined.
Remember how you were asking for The Wizard of Oz filtered through the disturbed notebook doodlings of an 8th grader? Well, this is it. Enjoy.
Nov 28 2006Bond. James Bond, Mrs. Robinson.
While Daniel Craig has been receiving high praises for his tough-guy portrayal of James Bond in Casino Royale, there's still at least one man convinced he could do it better: Dustin Hoffman. When asked recently about roles he'd like to tackle, the actor said...
Oh there's a few, yeah, James Bond! Because I don't think he's ever been played correctly! When you get a part and you're an actor you look at the frame of the part and it's defined, you're supposed to play what it says it is - no one has ever played him for what he is - he's an assassin, he'll kill anybody that he's told to kill and he doesn't care who it is! He'll screw any girl jumping off the curb, he's a womaniser, he doesn't really like women, he bangs them once and that's it!
I can see his point about Bond being more of a ruthless womanizer, and I agree wholeheartedly that such a character can only be portrayed by a short, awkward, Jewish 70-year-old.
Nov 27 2006Tyrese Attacked by Transformer
Did you all have a great Thanksgiving? I sure hope so. I visited family and had a blast with some of my younger relatives. As a fun holiday craft, we traced our hands on pieces of paper, colored them, and labeled them "severed hands of slaughtered natives." It was our way of thanking our forefathers for mercilessly destroying a culture, scoring us some sweet land. Then we had pumpkin pie!
Now, let us give thanks for this early shot from a seqence in Transformers. The effects aren't completed, but this is generally what it will look like when Tyrese Gibson is attacked by a giant transforming robot. The text at the bottom asks that the animators flash the Transformer's belly a little behind Tyrese. I say, forget the Transformer--flash a little of Tyrese's belly! Am I right, ladies!? Abs!
Nov 27 2006Letters From Iwo Jima Character Posters
You can now see character posters for Letters From Iwo Jima, Clint Eastwood's Japanese-perspective companion piece to Flags of Our Fathers, on the film's official site. Here are a couple of them, and the rest are available here in the downloads section. To be honest, I wouldn't bother--they all basically look the same. The posters, I mean. The posters all look the same. I don't know what else you're implying.
Nov 27 2006Smurfs Movie Will Be Too Smurfing Long
Continuining the wave of '80s franchises being developed into feature films, an adaptation of Smurfs is being developed by producer Jordan Kerner, who revealed some interesting bits on the project in a recent interview. Kerner revealed that he and Herb Ratner have watched all 234 episodes several times, examined all of the plot holes were, and plan to answer all of those questions along with the origins of Gargamel in a CGI trilogy as epic as The Lord of the Rings.
I don't know the person who was critically examining the world of The Smurfs, watching for plot holes, hoping that there would one day be a nine-hour trilogy to thoroughly detail the origins of the characters, but I imagine he's very happy right now (and desperately hoping the saga won't negate his fan-fiction). I also imagine he's 50 pounds overweight, wears a homemade felt hat, and spends most of his days in a basement, carefully hollowing out mushrooms with a pair of nailclippers to use in his life-size model of the town.
