Nov 10 2006David Lynch: Still Crazy
In order to promote Laura Dern's performance for an Oscar in his new film, Inland Empire, David Lynch sat with a real cow at the corner of Hollywood Blvd. and La Brea in Hollywood. I would have missed it, but luckily two douche bags were on the scene hamming it up, pretending they were discovering it for the first time.
So why the cow? "Without cheese," a sign reads, "there would be no Inland Empire." The director later clarified, "Cheese is made from milk. You get it?" Man, I haven't gotten it since Twin Peaks.
Nov 10 2006Spider-Man 3 Trailer
If you were unfortunate enough to miss I Love the '70s Part 7, Road Rules vs. Real World Double Dare or whatever that bullshit is, and the forty other Viacom programs that aired the new Spider-Man 3 trailer last night, you're in luck--it's online! Like a Lil' Kim outfit, the trailer continues the tradition of showing us the entire tit while still covering the nipple (in this case, the nipple being Venom rather than an actual nipple). The question remains whether simple girlish bashfulness or a horribly botched boob operation accounts for the modesty. When the film is released, will we be staring into the areolas of a perky young girl, still pink as a spring blossom, or the scarred-up glands of a porn star, staring in unnatural directions like the critical gaze of Columbo? It's still hard to say. Sometimes you just have to take her home, turn out the lights and hope it's not a man.
See it in better quality here.
Nov 10 2006Freddie Mercury Biopic to Rock You
Freddie Mercury, Queen frontman and gay mustache icon, will have a film made based on his life, according to Queen guitarist Brian May. The singer, who died of AIDS in 1991, may be known best as the faint voice singing behind the rhythmic stomping and clapping of sporting spectators whose teams intend to rock another team.
Though a report directly from the Queen guitarist seems like a pretty reputable source, I'd like to point out that the members of Queen are pretty old now, so it's entirely possible that May might have just seen a preview of Borat and got confused.
Nov 9 2006Free Jimmy Trailer
All the way from Norway, re-written for English by Simon Pegg, comes Free Jimmy, a film combining the animation style of Shrek with the dialogue, accents, and sex and drug themes of Trainspotting. If your child has been resistant to accepting drug culture, criticizing your interest in black lights, jam bands and hangin' out, the goofy, drug-addicted cartoon elephant of Free Jimmy might be the perfect guide to lead your children into the world of recreational substance abuse. Let's face it, your kid needs it; he's boring and doesn't fully "get" Power Rangers.
Nov 9 2006Sarah Connor Cast, Terminator
Following the news that a Terminator television pilot, The Sarah Connor Chronicles, is in the works, the casting for the title lead has been announced. Variety reports that Sarah Connor will be played by Lena Headey of The Brothers Grimm and the upcoming 300. The role was played in the first two Terminator movies by a buff and tough Linda Hamilton, leaving me wondering why they cast this pretty young thing instead of another disgusting brute of a woman. How about Chris Kattan?
Nov 8 2006Reno 911: Miami Trailer
The people keeping Reno 911 on the air (it isn't a bad show, but I've never met these people) will want to check out the trailer to the new Reno 911: Miami movie, due out February 23. It looks to do for Reno 911 what CSI: Miami did for CSI: set it in Miami. It worked for Shaq, right?*
*As has IcyHot.
Nov 8 2006Tarantino Making Vega Brothers Movie?
The Tarantino characters Vic and Vincent Vega may be in line for their own movie, according to a recent interview with Vic himself, Michael Madsen:
Well, first [Tarantino] said he would do it, then he said he wasn't going to do it. Then he called me and said, 'You know, I've figured out a way to do it. It can't be a prequel because you and John don't look the same. It wouldn't make sense as a sequel because you're both dead.' And he gave me an idea that would be really outrageous -- that John and I would be the twin brothers of Vic and Vincent. We come from Amsterdam to LA to avenge the deaths of our brothers. I think that's pretty interesting. For me, I'd love to do it.
While Madsen is eager to pursue the project, Vincent Vega portrayer John Travolta is holding out. "There needs to be some kissing," he said in a release.* "Lots and lots of hot, steaming, brother-on-brother kissing. Flying a plane wouldn't be bad either, but mostly that kissing thing. The only way I can see the character of Vincent Vega developing beyond Pulp Fiction is as kissing pilot. Kissing guys, I mean. I should kiss some guys. The character should kiss some guys."
*Probably.
Nov 8 2006Aqua Teen Hunger Force Movie Teaser
The first minute or so of the Aqua Teen Hunger Force movie is up at the Adult Swim website. If you haven't watched it, you're, like, the lamest kid in Hot Topic.
Nov 7 2006Spider-Man 3 Concept Models
If you can't wait until Thursday to see the new trailer for Spider-Man 3, when it will debut on CBS, MTV, and iFilm, you can at least see an early look at supposed prototypes of the villains here, including the first peek at Venom. From the looks of the design, the supervillain will retain his famous sexual reputation: dangerous blowjobs, fantastic cunnilingus.
Nov 7 2006Ratatouille One-Sheet
It seems like no matter how much progress we make as a society, we're never really getting anywhere. We can spend billions developing sophisticated computer animation software, years developing projects, employ some of the biggest talent in the industry, yet the result is still a cliched cartoon about mice chasing after cheese. What's the problem, Pixar, was someone else already working on a cartoon about dogs hating cats? Couldn't quite flesh out the details of the wolf howling at a sexy woman scenario?
Anyway, here's the poster from Ain't It Cool News. At least it's not about cars.
Nov 7 2006The Number 23 Trailer
Joel Schumacher reminds us how he ruined the Batman franchise with the trailer for the new film The Number 23 on Yahoo! Jim Carrey stars as Walter Sparrow, a man who reads a book that makes him believe the number 23 is showing up too much to be mere coincidence, and that the book must be based on his own life.
Someone pointed out to me that the plot of a man obsessing over a number to the point of madness seemed a lot like Pi. I hate to tell you, moron, but this isn't about 3.14 (and so on), it's about the number 23. This movie seems a lot closer to Se7en, and even more like Three Men and a Little Lady. In fact, the more I think about it, the more I'm not sure this isn't Three Men and a Little Lady.
Nov 6 2006Black Christmas Trailer
The new trailer for Black Christmas (formerly known as Kwanzaa) is online, inviting you to witness a preview of the horrors of Christmas without visiting a mall. A remake of the 1974 film, the movie tells the story of a group of sorority sisters facing Christmas-time attacks from a murderous former resident. Those waiting for a movie combining the holiday season with Cinemax softcore storylines will no longer be reduced to masturbating to Cinemax softcore on Christmas morning. Thanks to Black Christmas, that can now be viewed as a bonus.
In case the YouTube link gets taken down, the trailer can also be viewed here.
Nov 6 2006Factory Girl Poster
The poster for Factory Girl, the Edie Sedgwick biopic, shows that Sienna Miller is playing the role as a sort of thin Mimi from The Drew Carey Show. This doesn't surprise me. What surprises me is how much I want to "do" thin Mimi.
