Oct 19 2006"The Good German" Trailer More German Than Good
My grandpa always said that the only good German is a dead German, but he hadn't seen the trailer for The Good German, the new film by Steven Soderbergh starring George Clooney, Cate Blanchett and Tobey Maguire. It's too bad, too, because it may have stopped him from unnecessarily killing a lot of good Germans long after the war was over. Medication may have helped, as well.
Good Germa-fact: The film is intentionally black & white. We've had color film for some time now.
Oct 19 2006Frank Darabont Sets His Spray to "Mist"
Recognizing that The Fog didn't fully fill the gaping hole in the vapor-horror niche market, Frank Darabont has formally announced that he will adapt the Stephen King novella The Mist into a feature film, with Thomas "The Punisher" Jane in talks to join the cast.
A mist may not seem inherently scary, but let's not forget that mists have previously hidden both gorillas and addictive computer games that, while boring, ate up much of my 1994 social life. Through King's googly eyes, who knows what lies in wait in the mist?*
*Anyone who's read the story. It's just some freaky creatures.
UPDATE: As someone kindly pointed out, I kept typing "Daramont" for some reason.
Oct 19 2006"Charlotte's Web" Trailer on Inter-"net"
A new trailer for the live-action Charlotte's Web, featuring Julia Roberts' voice and Dakota Fanning's rapidly-fading cuteness, can be viewed here. Seeing the cute little farm animals running around talking to each other reminds me why I saw Babe so many times. Because I'm a pedophile. There's no other reason.
Oct 18 2006"Goya's Ghosts" Trailer
The trailer for Goya's Ghosts, the latest from Man on the Moon and Amadeus director Milos Forman, has made its way to YouTube. The movie stars Stellan Skarsgard as Spanish painter Francisco Goya, along with Natalie Portman, Javier Bardem, Randy Quaid as wacky Cousin Carlos IV, and Wael Al Moubayed, the Middle East's answer to Weird Al.
Running across this one was a bit of luck, as I found this trailer by mistake when, haunted exclusively by Jews, I began searching for some "goyim ghosts."
Oct 18 2006"Venus" de Trailer
No, this is not an obituary. Peter O'Toole is still alive, a fact I only fully believe now that I've seen the trailer for Venus, in which he's too animated and not wearing sunglasses enough for it to be a Weekend at Bernie's-style hoax. In the film, he stretches himself to play one of a pair of elderly actors whose world is turned upside down when a teenage girl stays with him, taking the hinted May-December romance of Lost in Translation and mixing it with the hilarity of Grumpy Old Men (which leaves us with Lost Old Men, like you see in malls).
There are talks of Oscar possibilities for O'Toole's performance, and I hope that he doesn't actually win for this. To be nominated for Lawrence of Arabia but instead win for a role that can best be described as "an oldish Hugh Grant character" would be a real kick to the gut, a blow O'Toole's liver could never take.
Oct 17 2006"Hot Fuzz" Teaser Trailers
There are two teaser trailers for Hot Fuzz, the new cop comedy from the makers of Shaun of the Dead, available here and here. They're short but also pretty funny, leading many to prematurely dub them "the non-offensive midget."
I'm sure you're thinking, "Cops? Funny? I don't think so!" And I thought the same thing--I used to be in NWA. But maybe we can take these new ideas and merge them with our gansta rap mentality, both hating and laughing at cops. How about it?
Oct 17 2006Make Optimus Prime Say Something Stupid
Submissions have ended and you can now vote for your favorite fan-suggested line in the Make Prime Speak contest, the winner of which will be spoken in the new Transformers movie. I have to say, I'm a little disappointed that my submission, I guess I'll transformer into a truck now, didn't make the cut. I'd feel better if the site hadn't let anything that idiotic in, but the inclusion of "These pretzels are making me thirsty!" "Its (sic) clobberin' time!" and "That's how I roll" tell me they aren't taking this so seriously either.
Given these options, I'll have to choose "Do a barrel roll!" It just seems to make the most sense. You can vote here.
Oct 17 2006Hellboy Fighting Universal Monsters
Will Hellboy fight classic Universal Studios monsters like Frankenstein, Mummy, Dracula and their associated brides? It's a possibility, according to a recent interview with director Guillermo del Toro, who says:
I must say that I'm having a great experience right now at Universal, because I find that their understanding of Hellboy as a possibility is so great. My hope is that if everything goes well and we continue [the franchise], Hellboy can start fighting the Universal monsters! I would love to see that. [Hellboy creator Mike] Mignola, when we closed the deal with Universal, we both looked at each other and just said, 'Frankenstein!'
This is a fantastic idea, and not just for the movie possibilities. This will also drastically improve Hellboy's chance at becoming a shitty ride, as well as getting into a confusing conversation wherein surnames are mixed-up with interrogative pronouns.
Oct 16 2006"Wolverine" Script Written and Waiting
In recent years Hollywood has become a mid-90s webpage, with every project perpetually "under construction," quite often never actually reaching the big screen. Thus, it comes with much surprise that the Wolverine X-men spinoff, rumored to be in development for some time, actually has a script and should be shooting by this time next year. Says Wolverine re-enactor Hugh Jackman:
We've now signed off on the script. If you know about the history of 'X-Men' movies, that's a revolution for us. We're a year away from shooting the film and we have the script. And, by the way, it is unbelievable. It's a David Benioff script. He's probably the hottest writer going around town, and he was beating down our door to write this movie. It was the most amazing thing. So, we have this fantastic script. I've got a couple of movies coming out in the next month, and I might be able to tell you who the director is by then. We're seriously into talking about it now.
So you can stop the brilliant script you've been working on when World of Warcraft has server downtime. The one you had no real idea how to submit but were confident would be somehow get made, particularly once they saw the shots of your Halloween costume from the last four years: a slightly overweight Wolverine. I'm afraid that what you've written--yes, even the awesome part where Wolverine fights Terminator to save a talking dragon--will never be made. This doesn't mean Wolverine cutting off girls' bras in a sorority house wasn't a good idea; they just have a different direction they're going. Maybe they'll even end up using your line, "Three claws--you're out!" It's still too early to tell.
Oct 16 2006"Perfume: The Story of a Murderer" Trailer
My favorite perfume will always be Elizabeth Taylor's elegant fragrance White Diamonds, but the domestic trailer for the movie Perfume is putting it at a close second. Directed by Tom Tykwer--best known for Run, Lola, Run--Perfume tells the story of a man with an incredible sense of smell who begins an obsession in creating the ultimate perfume, a scent he eventually finds in women. It should be noted, however, that this womanly odor is different than the one that causes your roommate to not wash his fingers for days at a time. Do you realize how much of your stuff he's touching with that hand?
Oct 16 2006El "Dead or Alive" Poster
I don't know where this poster is from--I assume somewhere that the soap opera still involves ridiculous costumes--but it was much funnier when I thought "jugamos" had something to do with their breasts. I've since been informed it does not. Luckily, marketing with flesh still appeals to me at a level,* so here it is.
*About waist level.
