Sep 29 2006Deliver Us From Evil Trailer
We've known for years that Catholic priests are the world's largest population of homosexual pedophiles, but did you know that they're sometimes heterosexual pedophiles as well? Amy Berg hopes to prove just that with her documentary Deliver Us From Evil, featuring a genuine priest pedophile who was willing to give up some of his "MySpace huntin' time" for intimate interviews, wherein he explains how he molested girls both sexually and spiritually (cross rape). The trailer alone, now available on Apple, paints a graphic portrait of a disturbed priest and the corruption in his organization that will have audiences seriously questioning the church and its leaders.
Unless you're Catholic, in which case you'll continue to dismiss reason and blindly follow the beliefs and practices you were brought up with that still riddle you with guilt every time you pass the bra section at Kmart.
Cath-Fact: Masturbation kills angels.
Sep 29 2006Roberty Downey Jr. is Iron Man
Finally ending months of speculation, it was officially announced that the role of Tony Stark, the millionaire hero of Iron Man in Jon Favreau's upcoming comic book adaptation, will be played by Robert Downey Jr. I have to say, I like the casting. Anything that keeps him out of jail or rehab.
Though this puts to rest the question of a lead in the picture, rocker Ozzy Osbourne has brought up some other valid inquiries about Iron Man: Has he lost his mind? Can he see or is he blind? Can he walk at all? Or if he moves, will he fall? Is he alive or dead? Has he thoughts...within his head? Give us the answers we need, Favreau.
Sep 29 2006Norbit Trailer Released
If you thought the Nutty Professor films were funny, wait until you see this one with a different name! Straining to fund his tranvestite habit, Eddie Murphy has graciously cranked out another comic masterpiece based on putting on fat suits and playing multiple roles. An Asian man (Murphy!) adopts a mild-mannered boy (Murphy again!), who ends up engaged to an enormous woman (Murphy? YES!). Morbid obesity hasn't been this funny since your friend made pig noises at that guy at Quizno's!
Fat Fact: While America may be the world's fattest nation, we'll fucking kill you if you keep saying it.
Sep 28 2006Three's Company Movie; Kisses Are Hers, Hers, His
In response to the complete public disinterest in translating old television shows to the big screen, Hollywood is reminding us that they don't care with rumors of another adaptation. This one will see the mediocre late-'70s/early '80s sitcom Three's Company fully realize the potential of sexual double entrendres and complicated misunderstandings. Better yet, some cast is supposedly already picked out, with Jim Carrey taking the role of Jack Tripper and Pamela Anderson filling Suzanne Somers' bra as Chrissy.
I'll admit the casting confuses me a bit. I fully acknowledge that Pamela Anderson is a dumb blonde, but I seem to remember Chrissy still being attractive and under 50. And after Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and The Truman Show, I thought Jim Carrey was too much of a dramatic actor to do this kind of fluff. Unless he was just with a couple of dramas to cover up the fact that he was secretly doing a lot of crappy comedies on the side! I knew he was covering up something when I came upstairs to check that leaky faucet!
John Ritter must be pratfalling in his grave right now.
Sep 28 2006Brad With Borat, Union Called "Borad"
Hot from his role in the new Borat movie, Sacha Baron Cohen is rumored to be teaming up with aging heartthrob Brad Pitt:
A source told Life and Style Weekly magazine: "Sacha and Brad have been talking about making a feature film for a while, but they've really bonded since Brad screened the Borat movie.""Brad says it's a work of genius and is determined to find something he can work on with Sacha. They've already had some casual discussions and a dinner together, so a project will probably happen soon."
Hard to tell how this might turn out, but I wonder how this collaboration will be affected once Cohen, who has taken some flack for his portayal of the Kazakhstani people, realizes Pitt's idea of mocking a foreign country means "adopting the shit out of them."
Sep 28 2006Chevy Chase as Murderin' Mel Gibson
Still riding the popularity of a hilarious series of vacations, Chevy Chase has been picked to play a Mel Gibson-like character in an upcoming episode of Law and Order. Similar to Gibson, Chase's character is a celebrity caught driving drunk in blood-soaked clothing, whose religious prejudice comes out after arrested. Jack McCoy will prosecute the case.
If you can fit a fourteenth Law and Order episode into your daily schedule, I suggest making it this one. It airs on Friday, November 3, 10pm ET/PT.
Sep 27 2006Letters From Iwo Jima Trailer
Hoping to create the most balanced view of World War II yet brought to film, Clint Eastwood is releasing a two-part drama, with Flags of Our Fathers telling the American side and Letters From Iwo Jima lending the Japanese perspective. Never have right and wrong been so clearly laid out. Starring Ken Watanabe, Letters is based on actual letters sent by General Tadamichi Kuribayashi to his family, including the now infamous postscript, "I see some Americans holding their flag over yonder. Where do they think they're going to raise that thing?" If you liked the trailer to Flags of Our Fathers, you'll like this trailer even more. Otherwise you're a racist.
Sep 27 2006Harry Potter Kids Getting Uglier
I'll be the first to admit it. The little picture in that Scotsman rag was just a cocktease of a Harry Potter preview. Thank your god for ComingSoon.net, which has posted five high-resolution photos from the upcoming movie. If they're any indication of the tone, the new film is going to be more in the style of "gay haircut."
See the rest here.
Sep 27 2006Shrek the Third the Poster
Hey Shrekophiles (that's right, I've named you freaks), here's your poster for the last piece of the Shrek trilogy, Shrek the Third. Strangely, it leaves out the film's new tagline, "Still Big, Still Green, Still Buying/Trading Vintage Child Pornography." But this is just the teaser, and not even finalized. There's still time.
Sep 26 2006First Look at Jazz (of Transformers)
From the utopian but dated land of Transformer World 2005 comes the first look at Jazz.* Clearly in just the design stage, this early drawing of Jazz** is perhaps analogous to the blues or ragtime music of early America that would lead to the formation of Jazz.*** Or maybe it's closer to a shitty drawing of a robot**** with an absurdly small head that's meant to turn into a car but looks more likely to transform into the Sydney Opera House.
*Here referring to the Transformer, not the American musical style.
**Again, the robot.
***The music this time.
****Jazz.
Sep 26 2006Deja Vu Trailer Lacks Necessary Strippers
I watched the trailer for Deja Vu, Denzel Washington's latest excuse to be a renegade agent type in sunglasses, but really didn't catch all of what they were saying. I think the government is causing deja vu with some machine that does something. Though the movie focuses on the repetition of events in our minds, I refuse to bother watching the trailer again. Life's full of irony that way.
Sep 25 2006Fifth Harry Potter Looks to be "Alley-est"
The Scotsman has graciously interrupted its 150 year run of bagpipe and tartan coverage to provide the first still I've seen from Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. From the looks of it, the series is continuing the tradition of each episode getting darker and darker as the children get uglier and uglier, progressing with themes of ringer tees, dark alleyways, and Spanish graffiti. Aye.
Sep 25 2006Home of the Brave (America) Trailer
Like a hypodermic, watching the trailer for Home of the Brave will inject you with enough patriotism to support America's efforts abroad all week, immune to the dangerous virus of "logic." Starring Samuel L. Jackson, Curtis "50 Cent" Jackson and Jessica "Biel" Jackson, Brave takes us through the humanitarian effort of four soliders nearing the end of their tours of duty and the personal traumas they face once they get home--like Star Wars in Iraq. I'd definitely see this one if I didn't get all of my war propoganda from bumper stickers and begging street veterans.
Home of the Facts: While it took nearly half a century (1776-1819) to relocate all of the world's brave to the United States, it took nearly as long to finish production of Home of the Brave; Curtis "50 Cent" Jackson had to leave shooting several times to be shot.
Sep 25 2006Christopher Walken in Hairspray/Drag
Knowing that Christopher Walken is just "in disguise" for his role as Wilbur in Hairspray doesn't make the sight of his bare legs any less haunting.
