Sep 15 2006Eragon Trailer Exciting to Dragon Fans
Just in time for nerd season, Hollywood is unveiling its newest creations to bring in their most loyal (and most acne-ridden) crowd, and things are looking hot. This season, the sci-fi world of aliens and lightsabers have stepped aside to make room for swords and mythological creatures--always safe bets for this crowd--with two big entries into the field. Peter Jackson, creator* of Lord of the Rings, already announced his plans for a dragon-themed movie, and now the trailer for the hotly-anticipated Eragon has been released. Based on the book, which is based on dragon fact, the film brings viewers back to that lost time of warriors, sorcery, and fantastical dragons, when you had to be careful not to speak too loudly of these things in the cafeteria so those guys wouldn't throw your Magic deck in the trash again (I think it was the mid '90s). Yes, that magical time, just prior to the release of Dragonheart, when we still thought it might be cool to base an entire movie on a dragon (it wasn't) can be yours again at the click of a button.
If you love dragons, make sure to check this one out. But please, don't get a dragon tattoo. You're going to regret it if you're ever trying to have sex with someone normal.
*Creator of the movie. Some old guy made it a book.
Sep 15 2006Horton Hears a Who -- First Look at Smug Character
With the impressive voice talents of Jim Carrey and Steve Carell just announced, already the first shot from Fox's CG animated adaptation of Dr. Seuss's Horton Hears a Who has turned up. I don't remember the book well enough to say which character this is (it's been nearly a week since reading), but I can say that with his thin build, well-groomed faux-hawk, popped collar and unnecessarily worn tie, he definitely owns the entire Cher catalog.
Most notable is how surprisingly faithful the design, even the background architecture and genital size, has remained to its source. Indeed, it's as if the entire world of Dr. Seuss has been brought from the two-dimensional page into the three-dimensional world, where we can finally realize just how fucked-up looking these freaks are. What is this thing anyways, some kind of dog man?
Sep 15 2006New Casino Royale Poster Lumbers In
I asked some scientists about this new poster for Casino Royale. This was the best explanation they could give me.
Sep 14 2006Apocalypto Theatrical Trailer
Rudy Youngblood, Raoul Trujillo, Gerardo Taracena, and Dalia Hernandez in one movie!? Only Mel Gibson could pull such an all-star cast together, and has for his newest, Apocalypto. The first trailer had a flash-frame of director Mel Gibson standing amongst the Mayans, but there doesn't seem to be anything so goofy here. Maybe all the controversy surrounding Gibson lately has deterred him from leaving any subliminal images. Though, after watching, I find myself no longer believing in the Holocaust.
Sep 13 2006Horton Hears a Who? Oh, Jim Carrey and Steve Carell
Having been nearly days since it last perverted a part of my childhood, Hollywood has decided to make the Dr. Seuss classic, Horton Hears a Who, into an animated film, starring the voices of Jim Carrey as Horton and Steve Carell as the mayor of Who-ville:
"Horton" marks the first time Carrey will voice a CGI-animated character. He previously inhabited Seuss' world as the title character in Universal Pictures' "Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas." "Horton" centers on an imaginative elephant who hears a cry for help coming from a tiny speck of dust floating through the air. Suspecting that there might be life on that speck and despite a surrounding community that thinks he has lost his mind, Horton is determined to help.
Personally, I think Carrey and Carell will be great in the parts. "Horton" deals with the idea of an entire civilization being destroyed by carelessness, and I think the duo will really bring out the comedy inherent to the prospect of mass genocide, much in the same way Idi Amin has in his one-man show "What Uganda Do About It?"
Horton Hears a Fact: Horton's famous phrase "a person's a person, no matter how small" originally contained the footnote "as long as everything's proportionate."
Sep 13 2006First Day of the Dead Zombies
Fangoria has the exclusive first pictures from the Day of the Dead remake. Apparently, their take on the zombies is a sort of violent, undead, decaying human. We'll see how that works out for them.
Sep 13 2006Enjoy Eight Minutes of Haven Without Going in Closet
If you're dying to see Orlando Bloom's new film, Haven, or if you just like watching opening credits, the first eight minutes are up on Yahoo! for your approval. Here's the synopsis:
Shady businessman Carl Ridley (Bill Paxton) learns that the Feds are on to him, so he escapes to the Cayman Islands with his daughter (Agnes Bruckner) in tow. At the same time, Shy (Orlando Bloom) falls for local girl Andrea (Zoe Saldana) against the wishes of her gangster brother (Anthony Mackie).
If you watch it, let me know if it's good. I missed the first eight minutes while I was grabbing popcorn.
Sep 12 2006Peter Jackson's Newest Fantasy: Men on Dragons
For the desperate nerds who begged for it, Peter Jackson looks ready to deliver to you another fantasy epic, likely in several editions of varying lengths, some with collectable bookends. The director has optioned Naomi Novik's novel, Temeraire, a reimagining of the Napoleonic Wars that adds the one element I think we all realized they were missing: a dragon airforce.
The "Temeraire" saga reimagines the world of the Napoleonic Wars with the addition of an air force of dragons and valiant aviators. It centers on British naval Capt. Will Laurence, who captures a French ship, where he discovers an unhatched dragon egg in the hold -- a gift from the Emperor of China intended for Napoleon. When the egg hatches, he is forced to give up his naval career to become captain of the dragon he names Temeraire.
As long as we're tinkering with adding elements to the Napoleonic Wars, you know what else I wouldn't mind seeing there? Bruce Vilanch. If anyone could add a much needed lightness to a barbaric invasion, it's B.V.
"Napoleon Bonaparte? I've got a few parts he could bone!" Haha! Oh, Bruce!
Sep 12 2006"Ruby Tuesday" As Animated Film -- Awesome Appetizers Included
Following in the footsteps of The Beatles' Yellow Submarine and The Monkees' cartoon-like hijinks, Mick Jagger of The Rolling Stones is producing an animated film called Ruby Tuesday, based on the song of the same name. From what I recall, the lyrics to the song just repeat the dilemma of some gal named Ruby Tuesday leaving him. Seems a bit loose for the plot to an animated film, but nothing blatant psychadelia can't fill in enough to make it "bitchin' if you're stoned."
The film will be produced by... wait a minute, Luc Besson? I thought you retired, asshole!
Sep 12 2006We Are Marshall Trailer Look Bad
There are very few movies whose defining attribute is having a name that makes you seem retarded when asking for a ticket. I Am Sam may have been the best, but it wasn't the last, as We Are Marshall shows you don't have to be about the mentally crippled to sound like it.
When nearly all of Marshall University's football team is killed in a plane crash, Jack Lengyel (Matthew McConaughey) is the only coach willing to say, "Fine, it's sad some dudes died, but seriously, let's play some football," valiantly leading the team to whatever championship they inevitably reach. Disregard the loss of human life yourself by watching the trailer.
McConaugh-fact: The only difference between Matthew McConaughey's role in Dazed and Confused and We Are Marshall is that the pot references have been changed to football terms.
Sep 12 2006Luc Besson Leaves Filmmaking, Never Leftovers
Sadly, Luc Besson has announced that following the release of his tenth film, Arthur et les Minimoys, he will retire from the business to devote himself to civic projects to help France's inner city youths. Besson, whose works included The Fifth Element and Leon: The Professional, takes with him his distinct imaginative vision and the perplexing feat of having nailed Milla Jovovich.
Honestly, now that he's got some free time, we've got to get this guy in a boy band. Sure, he'd be the old, fat one, but that's just it--we need an old fat one.
Sep 11 2006Flags of Our Fathers Trailer
Clint Eastwood shoots his patriotic load clean across the belly of the famous flag-raising photograph of Iwo Jima in his newest, Flags of Our Fathers. The film tells the U.S. perspective of the famous World War II battle at Iwo Jima, the photograph, and the events that follow, while the companion piece, Letters from Iwo Jima provides the soulless, savage, Japanese side of things. The trailer is now available at military.com, along with a fine selection of model planes.
Incidentally, while on the subject of the famous photo, I always thought it would be more powerful with more celebrities in it--kind of a "Sgt. Pepper" thing where you could pick out who's who, who's cutest, etc. Don't you?
Historical Note: The Japanese equivalent of the famous photograph "Raising the Flag on Iwo Jima" is a cartoon about a team of schoolgirl cats who transform into robot warriors.
Sep 11 2006More Mummy Cursing Brendan Fraser
A lot of people would consider making Encino Man a mistake. Playing a caveman teenager unthawed in the modern world, particularly when co-starring with Pauly Shore, could leave a stain so deep that nothing would remove it--even Oxi-Clean. Perhaps for a lesser actor that would be true, but not for Brendan Fraser. There's a reason I call him this generation's Big Dopey DeNiro (mostly because he's big and dopey). With this latest casting announcement, we see how Fraser is able to take his poor early choices and spin them into a positive by saying, "I'm going to star in a third Mummy movie, but at least it's not another Encino Man, right?"
That's right, Universal is going to make a third chapter of The Mummy saga to again star Fraser. The studio promises, however, that it won't be called The Mummy 3, because then audiences will realize too quickly that they're blatanly capitalizing on previous successes with declining sequels. That, and someone in a meeting pointed out that adding "Electric Boogaloo" only worked for "Fill-in-the-blank 2," and the opportunity had already been lost.
Sadly, Billy Zane won't be returning for the third film, as I'm told it wasn't actually him in the first two, but a bigger, oaffish version of himself named Arnold Vosloo.
