Aug 31 2006Optimus Prime Holds Large Weapon
Another day, another Transformers picture. We've already seen the design for Optimus Prime, but there was still the question of if he'd hold a giant gun. Thanks to this new picture at Aint It Cool, we finally know. Yes, it turns out he will sport a giant gun, giving the action figure makers a cool accessory and the buttplug makers an obvious starting point.
Aug 31 2006The Invisible Poster Appears, Defying Name
David Goyer's supernatural thriller, The Invisible, tells the story of a young man left for dead who finds himself invisible to the living, separated from his body. It sounds pretty neat, unfortunately I can't get behind a poster for invisibility that isn't centered around a girl's locker room. Any other use for invisibility I consider too far fetched.
Aug 31 2006A Lois Lane Movie? Sure, Why Not.
For me, the draw to superhero movies has never been the cool, superpowered costumed hero. I'm seeing it for the one-dimensional love interest every time. It appears someone else feels the same way, as Sky News reports that Lois Lane will not only have a larger part in the next Superman film, but is in the works for her own spinoff as well. Now the only question is if the movie can stand up to the sky high standards of the Lois Lane comic. I'm hoping it will be based on the one where she falls under a spell that turns her into a centaur.
Aug 31 2006Star Trek: TOS Getting CGI Update (getting "Lucased")
Between keeping track of the reissuing the Star Wars films and their personal duties of repainting new uniforms on G.I. Joes, nerds just can't get a break when it comes to the renovations of their old obsessions. The latest to fall victim to the hand of progress is Star Trek: The Original Series (we in-the-know call it TOS, but quietly, so no one beats us up). Trek Movie claims the series will be re-aired with new CGI effects for the opening and outer space scenes created for HDTV broadcast. Great idea. Don't they know nerds hate it if you tamper with anything they have an obsessive following for? That's why so many have run away from home when their mothers replaced their Mountain Dew with Big K's Citrus Drop.
The studio hopes the updated effects will attract a younger audience, primarily by digitally replacing Chekov with Raven-Symone.
Aug 31 2006A Trailer to A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints
Even Stevens and Robert Downey Jr. in the same movie? I must be in God's mouth! Gosh, no, I just watched the trailer for A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints, which also stars Rosario Dawson. It looks like a pretty standard story. After watching the trailer, we can all see where this one's going: man flees from home and family as child, man's father is dying, man returns home for father, man reconnects with childhood girl who's now "all grown up" (i.e. fully developed breasts, reproductive system), girl accuses man of giving her syphilis, man denies knowledge of syphilis, dying father admits to giving both syphilis, all die of syphilis. Maybe I made some assumptions in the end there, but really, we've all seen this movie before--why such an ostentacious title? It's like calling a Steven Seagal movie anything over three words.*
*Preferably, Seagal movie title will vaguely describe his character and/or situation in these two to three words. For example, Above the Law, Hard to Kill, Marked for Death, Under Siege, On Deadly Ground, Out for Justice, Out for a Kill**, Out of Reach, or Prince of Pistols.
**"a" doesn't count as a word, all right, nitpicker?
Aug 31 2006Revenge of the Nerds Teaser Poster
The teaser poster for Fox Atomic's Revenge of the Nerds remake has been released, reminding us why we hate nerds: mostly their stupid glasses, but also how they're annoying and nerdy.
To me, the poster seems a bit outdated in its portrayal of a nerd. I guess it's hard to convey social ineptitude, terrible body odor, repeated references to World of Warcraft, and talking to me for an hour about the benefits of Linux in a poster, but at least try.
Aug 29 2006Bumblebee Gives Some Face, Free Hood Rides
Yes, another Transformers picture. Until they go ahead and release some actual shots of these f'ing robots, we're going to have to keep stealing these cheap glances at the figurative Transformer urinal. Or the literal Transformer urinal, if you're into that. This closeup is the first to reveal that the robot faces will look like a Sega Genesis controller.
The shot is part of new series of Transformer portraits called "Trapped In..." This, the first in the series, features Bumblebee trapped in a narrow mine shaft. Be sure to keep visiting for the rest of the series, including Jazz trapped in a well, Optimus Prime trapped in an abandoned fridge, and Megatron trapped in an abusive relationship.
Aug 29 2006Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning Poster
The new poster for the Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning teaches that proper chainsaw maintenance doesn't begin with oil and chain replacement--it begins with hugs. This poster is only slightly better than my idea of a Classic Concentration-style rebus with a drawing of leather + a face.
Aug 29 2006Terminator Coming to Small Screens, From Future!
Following the likes of Wayne Brady and Carnie Wilson, the imagined popularity of the Terminator has earned him a television program. The story is set to take place immediately following the events of Terminator 2, just after the point where everyone stopped caring about the Terminator. Warner has announced that David Nutter will direct the pilot, dubbed The Sarah Connor Chronicles, early next year. With none of the original cast returning, Nutter is currently preparing by deluding himself into thinking that "liquid metal will always be cool."
Aug 28 2006Til'Death, Van Damme Vows, He Will Make Crap
One sign I look for that always indicates a good movie is when the protagonist is shot in the head and in a coma by the halfway point. If that happens, you know you're really in for a cinematic treat.
Such is the case with Jean-Claude Van Damme's newest masterwork. First I thought the title of this shitcake was 'Til Death, which made a certain degree of sense. This trailer tells me it's Til'Death, which makes less sense. And I really don't know what Van Damme's doing with his look here. It's kind of a Fonzie/Bevery Hills 90210 thing. At least until the coma requires the removal of his sideburns.
It's without a doubt the best trailer I've seen all month.
Aug 28 2006Primetime Emmy Awards Pseudo-Liveblogged
As much as I respect the Academy of Arts and Sciences, particularly the sciences division, I didn't bother watching much of the Emmy Awards. But if I did, this is what it would have been like had I "liveblogged" it.
Aug 27 2006Driving Lessons Trailer Seems Familiar
The trailer for Driving Lessons has been released, giving the redhead kid from Harry Potter one more shot at acting before turning to drugs and pornography. The plot involves a shy, dweeby boy who becomes best friends with an eccentric old woman as they spend their days together. Legal constraints must have stopped them from actually calling it Harold and Maude, but it luckily still fulfills the fantasies of those with an Oedipus complex.
Aug 27 2006The Queen Frumps Online
Everyone is familiar with the story of the car crash that took Princess Diana from the world, leaving a hole in our hearts and several pages of the The National Enquirer. (If you aren't familiar, listen to the Elton John song. You'll get the drift.) While moral weaklings debated the ethics of depicting the event in film or possibly Lifetime movie, filmmaker Stephen Frears has frearlessly dodged the issue by making a movie of the much more boring story of how Queen Elizabeth and Prime Minister Tony Blair worked together to reach a compromise regarding publicly dealing with Diana's death. The film is titled, appropriately enough, The Queen, with Helen Mirren in the title role, and the trailer is now online. Worth watching if only for Mirren's performance of Fat Bottom Girls.
