Aug 18 2006Transformers Roster Announced; Grimlock Ousted
Thanks to Yahoo's extremely reliable streaming media viewer, I had to glean this information in boring text form from Ain't It Cool News. Screenwriters Alex Kurtzman and Bob Orci hosted a chat mere hours ago where they answered fan-submitted questions about their upcoming Transformers film, and one of the revelations was the official list of which big robots are appearing.
In the Autobot camp, Optimus Prime, Bumblebee, Jazz, Ratchet and Ironhide will fight for good.
In the Decepticon camp, the Autobots will be out-numbered by Megatron, Starscream, Brawl, Bonecrusher, Barricade, Skorpinok, Frenzy and Blackout.
Kurtzman and Orci didn't reveal if the battle had a clear victor in the end. If Dane Cook gets eviscerated by a few Constructions, the winner is stand-up comedy.
Aug 18 2006Wanted: Mr. Tumnus
Even though the character was based on Eminem, and Universal even threatened to cast the D-town rapper, the role of Wesley in comic book adaptation Wanted has gone to James McAvoy. You may remember him as Mr. Tumnus, the fawn, from The Chronicales of Narnia, but more likely you just remember the "Lazy Sunday" viral video that featured the film.
Wesley was the initially spineless lead protagonist in the brutal and funny comic mini about super-villains successfully taking over the world, scripted by Mark Millar and drawn by J.G. Jones. The series was rife with pop culture references including character analogues for DC villains such as The Joker, Catwoman and Bizarro, and strong likenesses of known celebrities like Eminem and Tommy Lee Jones. In keeping with this trend of casting actors from fantasy films, I think the Tommy Lee Jones character, The Killer, should be played by one of the Wheelers from Return to Oz. Shit-your-pants scary.
Aug 17 2006Christopher Walken Marries Transvestite
Following Billy Crystal and Jim Broadbent's exits from the very same role, Christopher Walken is set to slip in to the character of Wilbur Turnlbad in Hairspray, the movie version of the Broadway musical based on the John Waters movie. If the fact that Jerry Stiller once inhabited the role in the original 1988 movie doesn't compel you enough, then maybe the fact that John Travolta will be playing Walken's wife will pique your interest. Travolta is set to play Edna Turnblad, as in the character that famous fatto and transvestite Divine originated. If you've seen Pennies From Heaven, Spike Jonze's "Weapon of Choice" video or any other musically slanted work Walken has done, you know that he's well prepared for this upcoming role: he definitely looks like a guy who'd have sex with a tranny.
Aug 17 2006Fox Overestimates Silver Surfer's Appeal
Bucking the rich and lazy tradition of sequel numeration, the makers of the upcoming Fantastic Four follow-up have opted instead for a subtitle. Come June 15 next year, we'll all be forgetting to see Fantastic Four: Rise of The Silver Surfer.
In the sequel, the enigmatic, intergalactic herald, The Silver Surfer, comes to Earth to prepare it for destruction. As the Silver Surfer races around the globe wreaking havoc, Reed, Sue, Johnny and Ben must unravel the mystery of The Silver Surfer and confront the surprising return of their mortal enemy, Dr. Doom, before all hope is lost.
They're not even mentioning Galactus in the title, which is the real menace Silver Surfer warns of in the comic. It concerns me that the title features the messenger of the problem, but not the problem itself. It's like pointing out your "cold sores" when really you should be worried about the Herpes coursing through your body.
Aug 16 2006Optimus Prime to Appear on Cops
Posted only one hour ago by one of Harry Knowles' minions, these supposed images of Michael Bay's re-imagined Optimus Prime are already being taken as gospel. You can tell these are top secret photos because someone decided to be cute and put a black bar over Prime's eyes. The rendering looks too half-assed and the design updates too conventional for these to be official images. Then again...
I have fond memories of the Transformers cartoon, I'll hold my hand up there. Part of me was relieved when the original voice of Prime was once again cast in this live-action film. And yet I can't help but suspect Bay is once again going to pervert something good and pure from my childhood. Like that time he made the snuff film of the first girl I ever kissed.
Aug 16 2006Departed Poster Utilizes Basic Design Elements
Everything about the poster for Martin Scorsese's next picture just screams intensity and boldness. Note the heavy typeface. Behold the unapologetic negative space. Marvel at the brave decision to show portions of the very famous performers' faces at the risk of obscuring the title. Nope, wait. They wrote the title clearly elsewhere. And in case you're having trouble stringing the letters P-A-R-T together with E-D, the designers have added a helpful hyphen in between. If you don't know how D-E connects to P-A-R-T, though, you're fucked.
Aug 16 2006Black Dahlia Posters Are Varied
The hype machine for Brian De Palma's long-threatened Black Dahlia continues to inspire new levels of indifference. We were subjected to the trailer just a bit ago and before we could even ask for another slap in the face, we now have posters. The IMP Awards website has posted a series of poster designs, each one crummier than the next. The Photoshopped montage of the actors' faces really captures a certain feeling of "It's no coincidence that this looks like a DVD cover already." Like love, Josh Hartnett's cut-and-pasted head is also a universal language. To be fair, the one pictured above may be the best of the lot, however my patriotism prevents me from condoning something so French.
Beyond the cut lies more.
Aug 15 2006Pegg Still Not Making From Dusk Till Shaun
Meanwhile, British fan of comic books and peroxide Simon Pegg has no qualms about continuing his rise from minor cult icon to official Hollywood shill. Ever since playing, aptly, the geek in Tom Cruise: Action Hero Blammo III, Pegg's been taking mainstream roles by the fistful. The prospects of a third season of Spaced grow ever bleaker. The latest agenda item on his selling-out list is called How to Lose Friends and Alienate People, based on Toby Young's (best-selling) book of the same name. Pegg will take the lead, and if the script reads anything like the book, he'll be playing the Anne Hathaway in a much male-er, British-er The Devil Wears Prada.
The book chronicled Young's tenure as a contributing editor for Vanity Fair; all names have been changed for the purposes of the film, reports Variety.
I wonder if poor Simon cries himself to sleep over how many Hot Topic shirts his new films are not going to inspire.
Aug 15 2006Ace Ventura Spreads Seed, Sorrow
Morgan Creek is very lucky that things I found funny at thirteen are still gut-busting to me today. That's why on my way home from work today, after turning down the volume on my Jerky Boys 2 album, I'll steal a bunch of sporks from KFC and throw them in my principal's garden. They're spoons and forks. Hilarious. If not for my severely arrested development, I may not have gotten so jazzed about the third Ace Ventura movie that "The Creek" is currently developing. Future out-of-work screenwriters Jeff Sank and brothers Jason and Justin Heimberg are penning this gem, which will follow the story of the legendary pet detective's son taking on his father's mantle. If this turns out half as awesome as Son of the Mask and Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd, all other movies on the planet will explode.
Aug 15 2006Saw III Teaser Exists
In case you care and couldn't get the Video Detective link to work, Youtube has posted the teaser for the questionably-anticipated Saw III and boy is it sure there. I checked. Did I watch it? No. I preferred to watch my Uncle Ben's Rice Bowl cook instead, because when it comes to old men with single-minded dedication to an ideal, I'll take Ben and his affordable meals over Tobin Bell and his tricycle puppet anyday. At any rate, Saw III opens in October, I'm assuming, and stars some hungry direct-to-video actors and the less hot chick from Starship Troopers. The one with those weird earlobe-shaped boobs. God, Paul Verhoeven movies are disgusting.
Aug 15 2006Robin Williams is Man of the Year (by body hair)
In the trailer for Man of the Year, you can see Robin Williams play a Jon Stewart-like comedian-anchorman who runs for office. Though, I should note, that's assuming that the Jon Stewart-like character is playing an obnoxious, unfunny, Robin Williams-like character. Free from the corporate agendas and party politics that bog down most campaigns, Williams is able to tell the people the truth (obnoxiously) and eventually take the White House--like Bulworth without the suicide and black people. In the end, we're left with the message that all America ever really wanted was a politician to tell them the truth. Or any celebrity whatsoever.
Aug 14 2006Smokin' Aces Trailer Boasts Piven, Motorhead
Are you and your friends feeling the zest of quoting dialogue from Snatch finally wearing off? Of course you're not. However, should you choose to prepare for that eventuality, I may have found just the movie that you guys can continuously watch the first thirteen minutes of before passing out with a warm beer in your hand on Saturday nights. Yes, Narc director Joe Carnahan seems to have ripped a page out of Guy Ritchie's book and delivered an incessantly hip, kinetic, and over-stylized little gangster caper flick in his latest, Smoking Aces. It features a bunch of actors looking alternatively offbeat or dirty, including an oddly coiffed Jeremy Piven who seems to have finally earned the chance to star in a movie without his John Cusack training wheels. Inevitably this movie will encourage you people to continue telling me how funny Piven is on Entourage, and I will continue humoring you like a person with terminal cancer.
Aug 14 2006School for Scoundrels Trailer Hits (In The Testicles!)
I'm glad to hear movie audiences have yet to tire of Jet's "Are You Gonna Be My Girl?" playing in their trailers. It's the new "Treat Her Right." The latest companion to the song is this movie directed by Todd Phillips, the man who was too much of a pussy to finish filming the upcoming Borat, and Apple has an exclusive trailer. Aside from Billy Bob Thornton and some British chick, it stars a surprising glut of genuinely funny people, including Horatio Sanz, Jack Kehler, Luis Guzman, Jon Glaser, David Cross, Matt Walsh and Sarah Silverman. Even with that impressive list, it's still going to be tough to outweigh Napoleon Dynamite's albatross of a comedic performance in this heap. Did I forget to mention that? Everyone's favorite Mormon is taking center stage in a film again, fresh off his presumably scene-stealing supporting turns in Benchwarmers and Just Like Heaven. Like most things, this makes me want to watch Nap. Dyn. all over again, man! Aw, dude, "My lips hurt real bad!" I know, "Tina, eat some ham!" LOL! *touch fists*
