Jul 28 2006Babel Trailer

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Four seemingly separate groups of people drastically change each others lives when an American tourist is shot, in what people are calling "something like Crash, but with a shooting instead of a crash." Except Babel takes the racial tensions of Crash to the next level by adding the idea, "sure, they're different races, but don't they talk funny, too?" Do they ever!

The movie stars Brad Pitt, Cate Blanchett, Koji Yakusho, and Gael Garcia Bernal, who I'm happy to see has returned to his child molester-style facial hair.

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Jul 28 2006The Black Dahlia Trailer

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From the writer of L.A. Confidential came another book about two cops investigating a Hollywood murder case in the 40s, and now Scarface director Brian De Palma has made it into another movie. But before you get this one airbrushed on a t-shirt, watch the trailer. For one, it's going to look a lot like a Six Feet Under shirt. For another, it wouldn't look like Al Pacino shooting up a place with a tommy gun, which is really all you ever need airbrushed on a shirt.

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Jul 28 2006Ghost Rider Has Cute Idiosyncrasies

ghost-rider-quirks.jpgHave you been a little worried about the quality of the Ghost Rider movie after seeing the footage, or even just by knowing that Mark Steven Johnson and Nicolas Cage were involved? Well, don't be. Cage cleared everything up by mentioning some clever quirks he's added to the film's main character:

For one thing, Cage and Johnson gave Blaze a fetish for jellybeans. For another, they made him a fan of soft-pop singer Karen Carpenter. "And he reads a lot, but he's something of a cowboy," Cage added.

I was just thinking that Ghost Rider should have some kind of sexual thing for candy and like the music of someone who sang "Rainy Days and Mondays," but I couldn't quite flesh it all out. I guess that's why I'm not writing it.

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Jul 28 2006The Santa Clause 3 Poster

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I only post this because it fills me with such a crippling feeling of sorrow that I won't be able to move the rest of the day.

Jul 27 2006The Simpsons Movie ComicCon Footage

Want a sweet taste of The Simpsons Movie? Then watch these rough animations that were shown at the ComicCon. They'll give you the upper-hand when your idiot friends start quoting the show. Instead of the tired old "d'oh," be a quote prospector and respond with a Simpsons quote from the future movie. Or, an even better idea, remind them that they're societal outcasts and need to quit quoting The Simpsons all the time.

If these go down before you can see it, blame the "suits."

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Jul 27 2006Stranger Than Fiction Trailer

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Now online, see the trailer for the new Will Ferrell comedy Stranger Than FIction. Ferrell stars as an IRS auditor who begins to hear the narration of an author (Emma Thompson), whom it turns out is controlling his life through her writing. It reminds me of how my life had the narration of Penthouse Forum for a while. In that I was constantly making up graphic sexual experiences that could never happen and trying to pass them off as fact. I'm told it was pretty annoying.

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Jul 26 2006Terrible Spider-Man 3 Footage From ComicCon

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Some clever bastard snuck a video camera into the sneak-preview of Spider-Man at ComicCon, providing the first look at the film outside of the long teaser trailer and constant influx of pictures from fans and the studio. Unfortunately, they didn't fix the focus at all, making it a blurry mess. I'm told you can see Venom somewhere. I'm assuming that's the black smudge that sometimes slides across the video. Judging from the guy's voice at the end of the clip, it must have looked pretty good. There's not much that makes creepy bootlegger guy say "whoa."

Seriously, only watch this if you're the kind of person who's been willing to watch hours of unpaid-for Cinemax hunting for a nipple in the static. It's the top video on the page.

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Jul 26 2006Nicolas Cage As Liberace

nic-cage-liberace.jpgAdd a pompadour to Nicolas Cage's collection of hairpieces: he's playing Liberace. According to TMZ, Ghost Rider is going to tickle the ivories in the role of gay icon Liberace.

Nicolas Cage is not leaving Las Vegas; indeed, he's coming back to it, starring in a new biopic about the life of that gold lame luminary, Liberace. What's more, Cage is producing the project as well, via his Saturn Films production company, based on a script by Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg.

Are actors really this desperate to play a gay roles now that it's finally acceptable? Because, Nic, this is really kind of overkill. Actors love playing mentally challenged roles, too, but you don't see them looking for the biggest, most ridiculous retarded guy they can find. There's a subtlety to Brokeback Mountain. This is like playing Emperor Gay, and making it a musical. I think a Bruce Vilanch story would have more subtlety. I mean, if nothing else, Vilanch doesn't wear a cape.

NOTE: Here's something you'll find when looking for a picture of Liberace: lots of Liberace impersonators. What occasions are calling for this?

UPDATE: Okay, I looked to see what occasions were calling for Liberace impersonators. According to one, "Liberace impersonator is excellent for corporate & private events, company picnics, trade shows, clubs, fundraisers, & advertising. Provide your audience with photos taken with 'Liberace' as souvenirs." Now realizing what a boon Liberace impersonators are, I'm forced to wonder why we need the movie. If you can already hire one for your corporate or private event, isn't that much better? I'd say so.

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Jul 26 2006Aquaman Pilot on iTunes

aquaman-itunes.jpgThe Aquaman series may not have been picked up by the network, but that doesn't mean you can't watch it. For just $1.99, you can see the superhero television pilot that executives agree isn't really worth bothering with. Just keep in mind, at $1.99, that means two less "Who Let the Dogs Out?" remixes you can download.

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Jul 25 2006Pursuit of Happyness Trailer

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In The Pursuit of Happyness, Will Smith and his son Jaden pull at the human race's collective heartstrings as the single dad tries to make it in the stock trade. It's supposed to be a real tearjerker of a trailer. I guess you're meant to cry when Will Smith solves a Rubik's Cube in a moving vehicle, but I just kept thinking, "Is that Meat Loaf next to him?"

It is nice how they misspelled "happiness" so that it says "happy." Hooray for happyness! :)

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Jul 25 2006The State Coming to DVD or iTunes

the-state-on-dvd.jpgAccording to members of the comedy troupe The State, MTV will finally release their sketch comedy show that aired from 1993 to 1995.

"'The State' at long last actually is coming out either on DVD or iTunes," Lennon told us.


"They just rescored and we're all doing ADR," Garrant continued.

"It's coming out sometime this year, I bet," Lennon concluded.

It's about time they released this show. Now my drunken ramblings about a long-forgotten show can be replaced with drunken fumblings of getting a DVD in the player before I pass out.

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Jul 24 2006The Fountain Trailer

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Watch the new trailer for Darren Aronofsky's The Fountain, and see Hugh Jackman go from conquistador armor, to shaggy hair and The Gap, to the sleek, shaved heads of 2500, showing that just because you lived in the 16th century and drank from a fountain that granted you eternal life, you can still update your wardrobe. So then why is Larry King still with the suspenders?

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Jul 24 2006Hey, It's Venom!

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Straight from Sony comes the first picture of the Spider-Man 3 villain, Venom. Or at least Eddie Brock (Topher Grace) turning into Venom. Or maybe just washing his hair with Venom. The point is, if you're going to become a Venom, your mom's going to end up being really upset at what it does to your expensive dental work.

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Jul 24 2006Iron Man to Fight Mandarin, Possibly While Resembling This

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Hey, Iron Fans! Here's a teaser poster for Jon Favreau's Iron Man movie. He says it's not the final design for the suit, and I'm glad. I say if you call it "Iron Man" you dress him like the Iron Man guys from ESPN 2. Just a tank top, shorts, 80 pounds of excess fat, and the shameful expression of knowing you routinely train yourself to competitively lift slot machines in a wheelbarrow.

Also the villain of the film is going to be Mandarin. You know, the Chinese guy with all the magic rings. Not the one on the subway, though.

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Jul 24 2006Employee of the Month Trailer

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Dane Cook, I hate you, but you're in this movie with Jessica Simpson, so I have to assume it will be a respectable, critically praised film. In Employee of the Month, the Cook-man tries to woo the lovely Ms. Simpson by taking the coveted titular award from star emloyee Dax Shepard.

I'll tell you right now, if it were that easy to get a woman to date you, I'd have definitely had a job or dated a woman at some point in my life. You need more than an employee of the month star on your record to date a woman. I've found most want oral hygiene and a degree of respect beyond name recognition. For a lone wolf like me, they might as well be asking for an engagement ring.

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Jul 21 2006Heath Ledger is the Joker?

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According to the fabulous Latin gentlemen at Latino Review, the role of the Joker in the sequel to Batman Begins has been offered to the Australian star of Brokeback Mountain, Heath Ledger:

We were first to tell the world that Brandon Routh was going to be the new Superman. Now here we are at it again as we just got word from A VERY TRUSTED SOURCE that the offer last night was officially made to Heath Ledger to star as The Joker in the Batman Begins Sequel!

Funny that he'd be wearing more makeup as a crazed murderer than as a homosexual, eh? Funny if you're a homophobe! Think about it, bigot.

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Jul 21 2006Teenage Mutant Teaser Trailer

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The classic 80's phenomenon Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles has been re-imagined as a grittier, computer-generated movie for a new generation, and you can watch the first teaser online to see what it's like. After some questionable sequels to the original film and cartoon series, seeing the trailer reminded me why I loved the Turtles so much in the first place: because I was a stupid little shit that liked anything with the word "ninja" in it.

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Jul 21 2006Deadman Coming to Theatres

deadman-movie.jpgHot news, fans of lame comic book heroes! Hellboy director Guillermo del Toro is in negotiations to act as producer in bringing the DC comic Deadman to the screen. If you don't know the character:

Deadman is the ghost of a circus acrobat named Boston Brand, who was murdered during a trapeze performance. His spirit was granted the power by a Hindu goddess to possess any living being in order to find his killer. In the ensuing search, Brand finds himself obliged to help others.

If anything shows that a superhero comes from a bygone era and maybe shouldn't be made into a big-budget movie, it's that he wears a v-neck that dips to his navel with a collar up to the top of his head. The only one they're making this one work is if they get a big name or an actual dead man, both of which can be found in Keith Richards. How about it, buddy?

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Jul 20 2006Snakes in Another Trailer (Plane)

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I've been so overwhelmed by snakes on planes I've forgotten which things I've seen and haven't, but that won't stop me from posting them. I think there's a teaser I hadn't yet seen on Yahoo! so click and enjoy the Snakes on a Plane now, while you can. Because once you're in the theatre, you're going to realize what a mistake it was that you ever showed interest in this project.

It's like that girl you're checking out while drunk. Sure, enjoy the view, have some fun, take her home, but know in the morning you're not going to understand why you were putting effort into this one.

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Jul 20 2006Pan's Labyrinth Comic-Con Exclusive Poster

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If you're at the San Diego Comic-Con this weekend, make sure to pick up one of these exclusive posters to Guillermo Del Toro's new fantasy-horror film Pan's Labyrinth designed by Hellboy creator Mike Mignola. If you cover the horns, I think it kind of looks like Tyra Banks. Or, if you keep the horns, the future of Tyra Banks.

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Jul 20 2006More Friends DVD Sets!

friends-box-set.jpgIf you're sick of having to flip between channels to catch every Friends episode in a day, and don't want to bother pulling out your current complete box set, let me suggest purchasing the new complete series box set. On just 40 discs you get every episode, plus a 60-page commemorative book that I guarantee will not appreciate in value. If you already own the previous box set and wish to purchase this one for the booklet and new packaging, you can use the first box to hold your dignity. You won't be needing it anymore.

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Jul 19 2006Renaissance Trailer

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Set in the near future, Renaissance is the French's attempt at the science fiction genre of "corporation-driven totalitarian rule with an obsession towards youth and beauty." Using sophisticated technology, they've created a world inhabited by computer-generated characters with the sharp black & white contrast of Sin City. The style looks great for the story, but I worry about future applications. If they start doing this to porno, bare breasts will probably look like Garfield's eyes.

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Jul 19 2006Night at the Museum Poster

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The new poster for the Ben Stiller museum-coming-to-life-at-night comedy has been released. The image's coloring, style of the text, and my general lack of education lead me to believe this is some sort of The Mummy sequel. Speaking of which, why aren't there any f***ing mummies in this poster? If you bring a museum to life, one of the first things that's going to happen is mummy attack. They're at museums, they're naturally vengeful; it's common knowledge.

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Jul 19 2006Bobby Poster

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The one-sheet to Bobby, the story of Robert Kennedy, has been released. I'd mention who's in it, but that already takes up two-third of the poster. The other third is a broken campaign sign with the image of Kennedy, which I think confirms my assassination conspiracy theory: that Kennedy is NOT dead! The shooter was in fact shooting at a cardboard dummy and simply shot the top off it. The twenty minutes that Kennedy supposedly remained conscious after being shot I attribute to ventriloquism.

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Jul 18 2006The Fountain Poster

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What if you could live forever? If the answer is shave your head and stand on some branches in space, have I got the movie poster for you.

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Jul 18 2006Owen Wilson & Wes Anderson Together Again

wes-anderson-owen-wilson.jpgSince Owen Wilson's acting career has taken off and his writing collaborator Wes Anderson made The Life Aquatic with a different co-writer, there's been some question when the two would again work together. Speaking to CNN, Wilson answered the question:

I am going to do a movie with my friend Wes [Anderson] in India, and that's not going to be a buddy comedy movie. [I play] one of three brothers, and they go on this journey in India. I haven't really spoken to Wes yet in regards to what I can really talk about.

An Owen Wilson/Wes Anderson movie about brothers traveling to India sounds pretty great if they can bring in the adventure elements that made The Life Aquatic so exciting. And even better if the three brothers are Wayans (cut Shawn--he's dead weight). Watch out, Bill Murray, that Marlon's a scene stealer.

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Jul 18 2006Steven Spielberg Update

spielberg-update.jpgSpielbergfilms.com nabbed an interview with the director at his CIFF Tribute. It's a pretty interesting read if you care about the status of Indiana Jones 4, his Lincoln movie, and Interstellar, his wormhole project. Actually, he's basically just trying to work on all of them and unsure of what he's doing next, so it's really not that interesting. So how about reading Catcher in the Rye instead? That shit's raw!

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Jul 17 2006The Amazing Spider-Man 3 Poster

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On the official Spider-Man movie website you can not only see what the new Spider-Man 3 poster looks like, but see how it changes from red to black when you move back-and-forth past it in a theatre, saving millions of geeks the painful public humiliation that is leaving their homes. The sophisticated technology used to create the effect is the same as the one used at that shop in the "dirty mall" that sells all those portraits of Jesus that do things like bleed or wink when you walk past.

Click the above shot to see the astounding change.

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Jul 17 2006The Science of Sleep Trailer

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The full trailer for The Science of Sleep has finally been released. The film, starring Gael Garcia Bernal and directed by Michel Gondry, answers the question of what could happen if your dreams take-over your life. The answer is surprisingly similar to the question of what would it look like if you gave a plot to a Peter Gabriel video. Or "Why did I take so many shrooms?"

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Jul 14 2006Little Man is Looney

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Before anyone spends any money seeing the Wayans Brothers latest venture, Little Man, this weekend, I just wanted to point out that besides looking terrible, the idea is stolen. It's a Looney Tune! You know, the one where Bugs takes in the pint-sized criminal after inadvertently stealing his loot, better known as "Baby Buggy Bunny." And I'll tell you, White Chicks isn't so far off from when Bugs dresses up like a woman, either. The Wayans Brothers may very well be swiping all their ideas from Bugs Bunny cartoons. And here I was, assuming the Devil provided them.

Jul 14 2006The Amazing Screw-On Head Online

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The Sci-Fi Channel has adapted Mike Mignola's (creator of Hellboy) one-shot comic, The Amazing Screw-On Head, into an animated pilot they've put online. Watch it, and if you like it, fill out the survey that says you want more. I didn't have time to watch the whole thing yet, but what I saw looked great; like the comic's style has been animated with the Aeon Flux style. It seems like the writers and animators really got the material and stayed true to it.

Besides, this will finally imagine my life-long dream of people having screw-on heads. Well, not everyone, just ugly people. So when we're talking, I can screw their head off and not have to look at it.

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Jul 14 2006The Descent One-Sheet

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A new poster for The Descent is out, from the studio that brought you Saw and Hostel. I hear it's "the best horror-thriller since Alien." From the poster, this looks to be the scariest movie ever set in an Ocean Spray commercial.

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Jul 13 2006DOA: Dead or Alive Stills

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I still find it unbelievable that they're making a movie out of the fighting (and occasionally beach volleyball) game Dead or Alive, so I constantly remind myself with these images. Almost to the point where I'm hurting myself. But not quite.

More under the cut.

Continue Reading "DOA: Dead or Alive Stills"

Jul 13 2006Raven-Symone Having Adventures in Babysitting

adventures-in-babysitting.jpgAdventures in Babysitting, the 1987 classic starring Elisabeth Shue as a high school babysitter forced to take the kids she's watching downtown, where they encounter a wild cast of characters on their adventures throughout the night, is next in line for a big remake. Disney announced plans to remake the picture with hyphenated That's So Raven star Raven-Symone in the babysitting shoes. My biggest problem with the casting: there's no way Raven's gonna be able to scale that wall.

Yet again, Hollywood has to ruin the films of my youth. I can still recall how after I saw the movie as a kid, whenever I had a babysitter over, I'd remember it and think, "I wish my babysitter was Elisabeth Shue. And that she'd let me at least finger bang her."

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Jul 13 2006Broken Lizard's Beerfest Poster

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The fellas in Broken Lizard will clever enough to come up with, not one, but three taglines for their new film, Beerfest: "Bring on the beer. They've got the nuts," "Prepare for the ultimate chug of war," and "Comedy on tap." Then they ran out of room above the title, so they stopped. Then they finished it off with a couple of sexy ladies holding beer. And by "a couple," I mean one woman twice. But with that mirroring effect you'd hardly know it.

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Jul 13 2006Deliver Us From Evil Finds Distribution

deliver-us-from-evil.jpgIf the Catholic church hated The Da Vinci Code, wait until they see this one. Lionsgate announced they will distribute Deliver Us From Evil, a documentary about a serial raping pedophile priest:

Lionsgate announced today it has acquired domestic distribution rights to Deliver Us From Evil, a documentary about a pedophile Catholic priest whose serial rapes were known to, and concealed by, the American Church for over 30 years.

I hope this one does well. Not so much because I care about exposing corruption in the Catholic church, but because I'd like to see it remade as a comedy with Will Ferrell. I think he could bring a lot of laughter to serial raping pedophilia.

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Jul 12 2006The Prestige Trailer Footage

Entertainment Tonight scored a real scoop with the first footage of Christopher Nolan's The Prestige, starring Hugh Jackman and Christian Bale. And you thought ET only covered celebrity couples they could make up cute names for.

See the footage and hear some woman's loud, grating voice talk over it in the clip above.

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Jul 12 2006Arrested Development Movie in the Works?

arrested-development-movie.jpgAn Arrested Development movie? Maybe so, says Maeby:

TVGuide.com: Do you think there might be an Arrested movie at some point? The final episode implied as much when your character, Maeby, tried to sell the rights to the Bluth story to Ron Howard.

Shawkat: Mitch actually recently told us that there is a good possibility for a movie, and that he's talking to Ron Howard about it.

Since they couldn't even maintain the ratings to support the show, I really doubt anyone's going to finance this movie, but it would be great if it got made. The larger problem stands in that creator Mitch Hurwitz is currently talking to Ron Howard about it. Between pointing out the "irony" of Opie winning an Oscar and assuring that he "could have played Fonzie if he wanted to," Howard's blabbering will keep this movie in arrested development.*

*See what I did there? It's like the title of the show.

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Jul 12 2006First Shot From Stardust

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I know there are a lot of Neil Gaiman fans somewhere, so I thought I'd point out that the first production still from the film adaptation of the author's Stardust is online. The film boasts a cast of Robert DeNiro, Peter O'Toole, Claire Danes, and the pictured Michelle Pfeiffer.

Someone will have to tell me if I should be excited about this. The only thing I know about Neil Gaiman was that he did the Sandman series of comics, and that if you mentioned that in high school, you had to sit at a special table where they played Magic.

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Jul 11 2006Rocky Balboa Trailer

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There's just something about a Rocky movie. As soon as you hear that familiar, iconic anthem, you can't help but think, "Why would they ever continue making these? Have they not seen the current sequels?" But they have made it, so go ahead and watch the trailer. It's the one time you can calmly watch the brutal beating of an old man without feeling the guilt of actually watching the brutal beating of an old man. But seriously, that old guy at the bar was asking for it the way he kept blabbering about "The War."

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Jul 11 2006New Batman Called "The Joker"?

michael-caine-joker.jpgSpeaking in an interview with Turner Classic Movies, Sir Michael Caine got on the subject of the work he was doing with director Christopher Nolan and mentioned offhand that he'd be making "The Joker" next year:

I wanted to work with him and then Christopher Nolan who directed Batman is doing a smaller film called The Prestige about magicians and it's very interesting. And we're going to make The Joker next year.

Now ordinarily this might mean something, but you have to keep in mind that Michael Caine is very old and probably doesn't know what he's saying anymore. Caine calling the movie "The Joker" doesn't make it its name any more than my Grandma calling me "Gary" makes that my name (it isn't even similar). Sometimes you just have to face that the elderly aren't making any sense. Sometimes they're going to do things like mix up movie titles or wander around your yard muttering about clovers. There's a fine line between hot movie scoops and the onset of senility.

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Jul 11 2006Night at the Museum Domestic Trailer

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The domestic trailer for Night at the Museum has been released, boasting a ton of new footage not seen in the international version from yesterday. It's perfect if you loved The Indian in the Cupboard but hated the restriction of furniture, the obnoxious little kid, and respect for another culture. Having now seen this extended trailer, I can say Night at the Museum definitely looks far better than my own childhood night at the museum, which eventually led to a custody hearing.

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Jul 10 2006Night at the Museum International Teaser

The international teaser for Night at the Museum has been released, starring Ben Stiller as a museum security guard shocked to find one night that the displays are coming to life. The film also features Ricky Gervais, Dick Van Dyke, and Robin Williams hamming it up as an animated display of Theodore Roosevelt.

Scientists will be glad that the trailer finally answers an age-old question: if you re-animate a tyrannosaurus rex skeleton, does it grow skin and become a normal dinosaur or remain a skeleton dinosaur? I won't ruin it for you.

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Jul 10 2006The Office Coming to Theaters?

the-office-movie.jpgReportedly, the BBC's comedy unit is looking to start making more movies based on their hit sitcoms, the first of which is said to be Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant's The Office:

Kenton Allen, creative head of BBC Comedy Talent, is heading up a scheme that, in Allen's words, would allow its comedy stars "to paint on a bigger canvas." Among the shows reportedly being considered for a big-screen version is The Office, starring Ricky Gervais.

From the impressions I've gotten from Gervais and Merchant, I doubt this would ever actually happen. I think they did everything they wanted to with the characters in the two series and Christmas specials, regardless of how badly fans want more.

I mean, how long have we begged for a Facts of Life movie to no avail? They say they did what they needed to with the characters, but I maintain that Tootie has always been too rich to be explored on the small screen.

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Jul 10 2006First Shot From The Prestige

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Though telling your parents you want to be a magician will still get you disowned, making magician films in Hollywood is all the rage. There's Edward Norton doing tricks in The Illusionist, and now Christian Bale and Hugh Jackman are playing rival magicians in writer/director Christopher Nolan's ironically titled The Prestige (no magician will ever get prestige). This first shot from the film shows Jackman displaying that he wears his watch on the underside of his wrist for coolness, while Bale shows that he's reprising his role from Newsies for some reason.

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Jul 7 2006Primetime Emmy Award Nominations Announced

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The Academy of Television Arts & Sciences has spontaneously decided to nominate some television artists and scientists for some awards, in something they're calling "The Emmy Awards." 24 and Grey's Anatomy led the nominations with 12 and 11 respectively, meaning, to my grandfather, that 24 and Grey's Anatomy are the favorite shows of Jews and homosexuals, though I think a lot of his resentment stems from the Academy's repeated snubbing of old Bonanaza reruns.

See the full list of nominations here.

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Jul 7 2006The Illusionist Trailer

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This is no illusion (wink)-- the trailer for The Illusionist has been released on AOL Movies. In the preview, a renowned illusionist (Edward Norton) and a fetching princess (Jessica Biel) fall for each other when he uses her as a volunteer in his act. It's basically like when a woman becomes infatuated with her rapist. Or maybe it's nothing like that, and my levels of respect for magic and rape are just very similar.

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Jul 7 2006Stop-Motion Christmas Coming to Life

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As if severe asthma and parental alcoholism hadn't stolen enough of my Christmas joy, NBC is going to take the few enjoyable moments I had by remaking the classic Rankin/Bass 1974 stop-motion classic The Year Without a Santa Claus as a live-action special:

Ron Underwood (City Slickers) is directing the two-hour film, which will star John Goodman as Santa. Also cast are Ethan Suplee (NBC's My Name Is Earl), Chris Kattan, Eddie Griffin and Carol Kane. Larry Wilson and Tom Martin wrote the script.


The movie will tell the story of a disgruntled St. Nick who decides to take the year off from delivering presents and ultimately rediscovers the meaning of the holiday through the help of a young boy.

I don't know why they're possibly remaking this. The charm in these specials was almost entirely their animation. It's not as if the plots were so impressive that they warrant a re-envisioning of the material. It's like remaking Joan Rivers as a natural beauty. Sure, I can see how it might look nicer, but really, it's only the weird fake parts making her tolerable.

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Jul 7 2006French Snakes on a Plane Poster

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From what I can tell, this French version of the Snakes on a Plane poster is just hacked together from some production stills, and, from the way Sam Jackson's holding that Taser, possibly a Star Wars screenshot with a leather jacket drawn over Mace Windu. But somehow the parenthetical "Snakes on a Plane" below the title makes up for all of that.

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Jul 6 2006Snakes on a Plane International Trailer

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As much as it prides us to think so, particularly during this patriotic month, the danger of snakes on planes is not purely an American affair. Snakes can get on any flight, international or domestic, and this international trailer for Snakes on a Plane proves it.

The main difference is that in the domestic version, those who placed the snakes, as well as the snakes themselves, are viewed as hostile terrorists that must be stopped at all (motherf***in') costs. In this foreign version, Samuel L. Jackson praises the valiant patriotism of these brave snakes, risking life and lack of limb to strike back at the planes of our enemies, the rest of the world. Heroes on a plane, my friends. Heroes on a motherf***in' plane.

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Jul 6 2006Spider-Man 3 Plot Secret

flint-marko-sandman.jpgUt-oh! Spoilers! Some new pictures have surfaced from the shooting of Spider-Man 3, revealing what may be a crucial plot point from the new film. So if you want to know the scoop, click the link below. If not, move back to the safety net of your mother's arms, wuss.

Continue Reading "Spider-Man 3 Plot Secret"

Jul 6 2006Hollywoodland Trailer

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The drama of Hollywood murder is no longer relegated to the TV movie thanks to Hollywoodland, which explores the mysterious death of 50s "Superman" star George Reeves (Ben Affleck). Adrien Brody, as a private detective, investigates if Reeves' death was a suicide or if he was shot in slow-motion in the eye, the most common form of Superman shootings.

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Jul 5 2006Running With Scissors Trailer

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Take a break from yesterday's drudgery of patriotism with the trailer to Running With Scissors, based on the best-selling true story of Augusten Burroughs, his strange family, and the even stranger psychiatrist that takes him in. If you like quirky divorce comedies, and want to ignore that The Royal Tenenbaums and The Squid and the Whale already exist, make sure to check this out. This shit reeks so hard of desperate quirkiness, even Zach Braff would check the other stalls before dropping this stinker.

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Jul 5 2006Daft Punk's Electroma Teaser Trailer

The teaser trailer for the French duo Daft Punk's directorial debut Electroma has made its way into God's loving heart (YouTube). If the previous images of Electroma left you asking, "What the hell?", this teaser will answer with "I have no f***ing clue. Something to do with robots, I guess."

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Jul 5 2006The Silver Surfer Will Be Played By Computers

silver-surfer-cgi.jpgAccording to Moviehole, not only are the rumors about Vin Diesel playing the Silver Surfer in the second Fantastic Four movie untrue, but the Surfer won't even be played by a human, with director Tim Story opting for an all CGI design.

The film's director, Tim Story, told me this morning that although The Silver Surfer is indeed in the movie, it won't be Vin Diesel playing him.


"No truth to it", Story said, when asked about the Diesel rumours. "The Surfer will be a new CGI design being developed especially for the movie. It's going to be incredible."

The CGI system being developed to make a man appear to be made of silver is so sophisticated, it's being codenamed, "The same crap they did for T-1000 in Terminator 2." At least by me.

As a condolence to Vin, I'd like to point out that it's probably only going to help your career to not to play a silver alien that rides on a surfboard. Yes, it worked for Brando, but he's Brando.

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