Jun 16 2006In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Trailer
The best thing to come out of Germany since the Volkswagen Beetle is clearly director Uwe Boll, director of such gems as House of the Dead, Alone in the Dark, and BloodRayne. If you don't believe me, watch the trailer to his newest masterpiece, In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale. He's taken his classic formula of making a video game into a horrible movie to a new level this time. His newest innovation is doing the titles with WordArt. I admire his restraint in not using the "chrome" effect, which can be tacky if not used appropriately.
I don't fully understand the workings of the German government, but if something can be done to stop him, maybe some safeguard you've put into place to prevent another Hitler, please do it. It's time to pull the ripcord. Otherwise, we're gonna have to fight him.
Jun 16 2006Making Professor X and Magneto Young
X-Men 3 used some pretty amazing digital trickery to portray Ian McKellen and Patrick Stewart as younger versions of themselves. Now you can see side-by-side comparisons of just how drastic the transformations were, turning Stewart into a smooth plastic doll, and McKellen into Timothy Dalton's gayer brother. Someone should tell Cher* about this. She could have saved herself a few replacement faces. Because she's had so much plastic surgery!
*Alternatively, Joan Rivers.
See youthful Magneto under the cut.
Jun 16 2006Steven Spielberg to Explore Gravity Fields
Though an exact plot has not yet been worked out, Steven Spielberg has announced that he will direct a film based on Caltech physicist Kip Thorne's theories of gravity fields:
Based on real science, the film will explore the mind-bending territory of black holes and gravity waves and touch on some of the hypotheses that Albert Einstein chased but never could prove.
The article also notes the other projects Spielberg has offered as possibilities for his next film, including Indiana Jones 4 and an untitled Abraham Lincoln biopic. I'm hoping this means that we have at least a fifty-fifty shot of seeing a time-traveling Lincoln zipping through wormholes to free the slaves and stop Booth from shooting him. Either that, or Indiana Jones and the Proposed Theory of Gravity Fields.
Jun 15 2006A Great New Wonderful Trailer
I hate that I have to praise it just to say its name, but from the looks of the trailer, A Great New Wonderful is almost definitely the best 9/11-related movie coming out. That's probably because it takes place a year after the event and doesn't seem to mention it much. In fact, I'm not sure the trailer I watched was even about 9/11, or even the right trailer. It seems like there were an awful lot of talking cars.
For those still sensitive to the subject, understand that the title A Great New Wonderful is not claiming 9/11 was great or wonderful. It's just implying it.
Jun 15 2006Eleven Superman Returns Clips? Yes.
IESB has scored eleven new clips of the hotly anticipated Superman Returns. Apparently, the marketing campaign for this movie is to bombard us with so many pictures and clips that we've actually seen the movie by the time it comes out. Seeing this thing is going to be like sex with a porn star. It won't be bad, but a bit disappointing that you've already seen everything before you go in.
Jun 14 2006The Science of Sleep Poster
Michel Gondry's The Science of Sleep takes viewers inside the dream-filled mind of Stephane Miroux (Gael Garcia Bernal) and, appropriately, so does the poster. With the simple image of a young couple riding through clouds on a plush horse, the dream world of Miroux seems shockingly similar to the mind if Britney Spears. Except, instead of seeing this in dreams, she sees it when deciding if she should let her infant child drive her car. And usually her dreams have more Frito-Lay product placement.
Jun 14 2006Tim Burton's Superman Concept Art
Prior to Bryan Singer taking on Superman, back around 1998, Tim Burton was taking a stab at the hero. It never got beyond development, but this site has what claims to be some early concept art for the film, showing what a drastically different film Burton's Superman Lives would have been. From this painting, it looks like he was doing it as H.R. Giger's Frankenstein. If it seems like a joke, I think I know why. Take a look at the John Hancock on this masterpiece. J. Carson! Johnny, you're still crackin' us up!
Jun 14 2006The Wicker Man Poster
I really like the original Wicker Man, but the poster for the remake just doesn't sell the cool, creepy, pagan parts of the movie and instead makes it look like it's just The Omen with a girl. If they're just going to run some shitty photo through a bunch of Photoshop filters, they could at least have the decency to put some lens flares on her glowing eyes. It only seems logical.
Spoiler Alert! This poster completely ruins the part where Nicolas Cage get a beehive beard.
Jun 13 2006Science of Superman Tests Superpowers
If you just can't get enough Superman bullshit, prepare for the National Geographic Channel to exploit that for their ratings. Immediately following the June 28 release, the cable station will air a special called The Science of Superman questioning how much science fact lies behind the Man of Steel's superpowers:
The Man of Steel has enthralled audiences for decades with his incredible powers of flight, super strength, x- ray vision and super speed. But just how much science fact is there behind these superpowers? On Thursday, June 29 at 9 p.m. ET/PT, National Geographic Channel's (NGC) "The Science of Superman" puts the superpowers to the test, revealing what's plausible based on the earth-bound laws of physics, biology and astronomy, and what's pure science fiction.
What the hell are they talking about? It's all science fiction. Superman isn't based on any fact. I understand that super speed and flight are actual scientific concepts, but they're obviously impossible for anyone to actually achieve. Is this for real? What are their tests going to be, a guy standing around trying to see through a wall? See if some guy can make the earth spin backwards to reverse time? "Well, it's still Tuesday. I guess that one might not hold up under scrutiny, huh?"
Jun 13 2006Dale Earnhardt Documentary Coming
Hey, guys with mustaches. Have I got some news for you. The first authorized documentary on Dale Earnhardt is coming, to be narrated by Paul Newman:
NASCAR Images and CMT Films are teaming up to produce "Dale," the first authorized documentary on Dale Earnhardt to be released theatrically. Narrated by Paul Newman, the film will enjoy a unique rollout, bowing in select cities on the NASCAR Nextel Cup Series circuit beginning in February, which coincides with the start of the 2007 Nextel Cup season.
With this film, the Richard Petty biopic, and Will Ferrell's comedy Talladega Nights, NASCAR fans have a lot to look forward to in the future. I mean, besides their actual lives, which will always be burdened by the fact that they like to watch guys drive cars around a giant oval for a few hours every week. Probably shirtless.
Jun 12 2006Ratatouille Trailer
After a French version was leaked last month, the trailer to Pixar's newest, Ratatouille, has finally had its official release. The movie is about a rat with a refined pallet living in an upscale Parisian restaurant. I bet the boys down at Pixar are kicking themselves for wasting Larry the Cable Guy's talents on Cars now. He would have been great in the role of "overweight American yelling about French customs, lack of freedom, lack of Confederate flags, etc." I'm not sure if that's actually a role or not, but he was made for it.
Jun 12 2006Strangers With Candy Clips
Remember in junior high, when you were so desperate to see a naked woman that any hint of their body was exciting to you? Strangers with Candy is that naked woman to me, and these new clips are the secret glances you stole. The clip above is seeing up a skirt as she goes up some stairs. This clip is seeing some cleavage down her shirt as she leans over a table. This one is that perfect behind pushing at her skirt as she bends to pick up a pencil. This one is her nipples poking gently at her blouse as she enters from the cold. And this one is the brutal rape and the corresponding police investigation that led to your arrest.
Jun 12 2006Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift Babes
Are you going to see The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift? Well these hot sluts are! In lieu of production stills, the studio has decided to sell its strengths, sending out a series of pictures of sexy babes with cars. It all has very little to do with the movie, but a few of the pictures show semi-visible nipples, so it might be worth your time.
See more "headlights" behind the cut, if you get my "drift." You'd better be "fast," though, or someone will catch you "furiously" masturbating. "Tokyo."
Jun 12 2006The Groomsmen Trailer
Ed Burns tries to make people call him a "triple threat" by writing, directing, and starring in the new film, The Groomsmen. Also starring Brittany Murphy, John Leguizamo, Matthew Lillard, and Jay Mohr, the movie deals with the struggle of men confronting dramatic changes in their lives. I don't know what else to say about it. What do you call it when someone makes a chick flick about a bunch of guys? I think it's "a bomb."
