May 26 2006French Trailer to Pixar's Ratatouille
If you can bear the absence of English, the trailer for Pixar's Ratatouille is available in a French language version. I can't understand what they're saying, but even on sight, the characters in this already feel much deeper and more interesting than anything I saw in the Cars trailers. The film adds yet another title to the trend of making competing computer-animated films on the same subject, with Aardman Animation's Flushed Away--another mouse story--coming soon, adding to the rivalry of Finding Nemo versus Shark Tale, Madagascar versus The Wild... it seems like there are others. How about that CG dancing baby that was on Ally McBeal versus actual dancing babies?
UPDATE: It looks like they pulled this one pretty quick. The fuckers.
May 26 2006Clerks 2 Clip on Sequels
Fans of Kevin Smith, wet your Clerks 2 whistle with this clip of Dante and Randal discussing the merits of sequels and their catchphrases, poking fun at other movies and itself. Personally, I couldn't agree more on the ridiculousness of the reprise of catchphrases in sequels. They're the reason that, upon the death of Martin Luther King, Jr. and after the mourning, a lot of people were kind of glad that it meant no direct sequel to the "I Have a Dream" speech. While it had a terrific impact the first time, critics worried hearing the famous line too much might turn the civil rights leader into, "another Urkel."
May 26 2006First Shot from Miss Potter
One thing that always worries me when a movie comes out is whether or not it will have goofy mustaches. After a very positive showing from Oliver Stone's World Trade Center, USA Today has alleviated my fears regarding Miss Potter, the story of the Victorian-era writer of Peter Rabbit stories, Beatrix Potter, by providing this first look of Renee Zellwegger as the title character and Ewan McGregor as Norman Warne, her publisher with a goofy mustache. As I imagine it, Potter is showing him sketches of newly invented goofy mustache styles, which McGregor, president of mustaches, approves or disapproves. In this session, "The Handlebar," "The Yankee Curl," and "The Lip Lash" are passed into mustache law, while potential classics "The Milkman's Hello," "The Dandy Mudflap," and "Ol' Pubey" will never reach production.
May 25 2006Pulse Trailer
When Mattie (Kristen Bell) finds that her boyfriend has committed suicide, she's a little shook-up, but more-so when he starts sending her e-mails from the dead and uses all her black ink to print horrifying faces. Doesn't he know how much those fucking cartridges are? Watch the trailer to this remake of the Japanese Kairo online, then fear checking your e-mail for days. If I can't stop "Bartok Yarmul" from sending me information about making my penis longer with a university diploma, what chance do I have to stopping ghosts?
May 25 2006The French Hate Marie Antoinette
After a press screening at Cannes on Wednesday, the hotly anticipated Marie Antoinette by Sofia Coppola was received with heavy booing and some light applause. It seems that the follow-up to Lost in Translation might not be the critical darling it was hoped to be. Or that the French are so jealous of our armies, spreading of freedom, and NASCAR racers, they're taking it out on our films. Low blow, Frenchies. Low blow.
May 25 2006The Descent One-Sheet
When a group of women exploring a cave become trapped, they discover that breaking into spontaneous kissing isn't their biggest worry: it's some kind of creatures! I first mentioned the trailer here, and now JoBlo has gotten the first look at the poster. It reveals nothing about the movie, but provides the first realistic portrayal of what hell is like if your biggest fear was an orgy of athletic girls.
May 24 2006Ghost Rider Teaser Trailers
After watching the teaser trailers (there's both a domestic and international) to Ghost Rider, I've had a few thoughts as to why this looks like it will be as bad as director Mark Steven Johnson's previous films, Daredevil and Simon Birch.
1. Ghost Rider is stupid. The coolness of a skeleton on fire, riding a motorcycle with flaming wheels, peaks around the sixth grade, when a skeleton on fire with breasts, riding a motorcycle with flaming wheels, takes over as "coolest idea."
2. The effects are terrible. I've seen a more realistic flaming skull tattooed on the forearm of a biker. Granted, the phrase "I'll Stab Your Mom With My Cock" written above it in gothic lettering made it somewhat less realistic, but you get the idea.
3. Nicolas Cage has given up as an actor. His willingness to make National Treasure 2 is probably the best indicator of this. The man has no interest in making decent films. And with the ridiculous mustache he's got in World Trade Center and the youthful, messy coiffure he sports here, it seems like the only idea they've come up with to make him better is gluing hair to him.
The only saving grace might be that, unlike Johnson's previous efforts, this movie isn't about cripples.
May 24 2006Special Trailer
I've heard from people who saw it that Special is funny, touching, and generally pretty good, but I hadn't seen the trailer until now. It looks to be all those things, plus has a soundtrack that's like Tetris, but catchier. The film tells the story of Les (Michael Rapaport), who begins taking an experimental drug that makes him think he has super powers, a feat that normally takes me at least five beers. Plus, I start telling these assholes what I really think about them.
May 24 2006Interkosmos Trailer
Head over to the official site to see the trailer to Interkosmos, an abstract, musical, dry comedy about East Germans in the 1970's and their colonization of the moons of Jupiter and Saturn. The film mixes faked archival footage, choreographed musical numbers, stop-motion animation and more, into something that looks pretty brilliant. Hopefully, Germans won't get offended at their strange portrayal and try to hide this little gem. If they say anything, let's just bring up the Holocaust. That'll shut 'em up.
May 23 2006Superman Returns to Taiwan
Taiwan has a hot new poster for Superman Returns, with a gorgeous look at our hero flying (and possibly punching) over the ocean. Unlike the dark, moody, American poster, the Taiwanese version features a brighter, more optimistic view of the Man of Steel, that forces children to build American goods for insufficient wages.
May 23 2006Die Hard 4 Starting Soon
Speaking at the Cannes Film Festival, Bruce Willis announced another sequel to the popular Die Hard was ready to start shooting and is poised to be in theaters by next summer.
We're as close as we've ever got to getting Die Hard 4 started. It won't be called Die Hard 4 but that will be the story. Hopefully it will be out next summer.
Honestly, how many times can be in the wrong place at the wrong time so that he stops a group of terrorists? There's only so many times it's feasible. At least for the Home Alone series, they switched kids after two of them. I'll believe there are several negligent parents of children capable of inventing elaborate traps, but there's no way John McClane is catching more terrorists. At his current age, it might be a better idea to literally make it about him dying. To show he's "dying hard," he can keep slapping the doctor's hand away from turning off his life support machine. And he'd make wisecracks about it.
May 23 2006Alvin and the Chipmunks Movie Coming?
Now several years after its fans have either aged into apathy or death, Alvin and the Chipmunks, the characters that created the only defense for my high-pitched adolescent voice and buck-teeth, may be headed to the big screen if creator Ross Bagdasarian has anything to say about it:
With the release this week of the DVD of 1987's feature film, "The Chipmunk Adventure," Bagdasarian and Karman are also at work on a script for a new movie they hope will be ready in time to mark the Chipmunks' 50th birthday.The couple, who continued the legacy after the elder Bagdasarian's death in 1972, say they aren't surprised there is still an audience for the Chipmunks. They strike a chord with siblings, children and parents who may fight "but at the end of the day" find they still love each other, said Karman.
That's so true. My family and I would constantly argue, usually to the point of physical abuse, but come the end of the day, when we popped in that tape of the Alvin and the Chipmunks, it was like none of it ever happened. Besides all the bruises and broken furniture, I mean.
May 22 2006International Superman Returns Trailer
A new Superman Returns trailer has been released, only this one's international. So don't expect any shots of George Washington, The Declaration of Independence, bald eagles, state quarters, or apple pies. They've been removed to appeal to the foreign crowd. In their place, you get to see Superman take a bullet to the eye, which looks just as stupid as it sounds. And in the spirit of responsibility, should we really be allowing Superman to take point-blank bullets to the eye? I worry how long it might be until children start "playing Superman" by shooting each other in the eye with things. I'm hoping it will be soon, because I really want to see what happens when a kid does this. Superman was a real letdown. He didn't even flinch!
May 22 2006Aquaman Television Show Trailer
The CW has decided to pass on Aquaman in favor of more 7th Heaven, but that doesn't mean you can't look at the terrible trailer for it online. I don't believe any of that bullshit that Hollywood has some "gay agenda" it's pushing, but if I did, this is what I'd show people as evidence.
The file's already gone down once, so if it does again, I'd suggest doing a search for "Aquaman" in YouTube to try to find it. If that doesn't work, I suggest finding an Abercrombie bag and shoving it underwater for equivalent entertainment. Or just turn on your television and flip on 7th Heaven. There's a reason they keep renewing it, people. It's called wholesome drama.
May 22 2006Garfield 2: A Tail of Two Kitties Trailer
The question "What would it be like if the Dan Aykroyd/Eddie Murphy comedy Trading Places were done with the characters from Garfield?" has been asked by the mentally ill since the two have coexisted. Luckily, Garfield: A Tail(sic!) of Two Kitties finally provides the answer: "It's not funny and the whole 'royal cat' thing doesn't make much sense." Come to peace with the idea by watching the trailer.
Parents forced to watch the entire film I encourage to remind their children when they're 80 and begging for a ride to The Price is Right set.
