May 12 2006Miami Vice Trailer
You'd think a film version of any Don Johnson television show would sell itself, but the producers of Miami Vice have decided to try enticing viewers with a second trailer for the film. I'm fairly confident it's just clips from a boat show pieced together with a Colin Farrell sex tape. The boat is featured so prominently that, though the trailer lasts only a couple minutes, the silhouette of a speed boat actually burned into my screen. Now, whenever I look at pornography, it looks like vaginas are cruising around the Gulf.
May 12 2006Full Trailer to Pan's Labyrinth
The full trailer to Guillermo Del Toro's gorgeously disgusting Pan's Labyrinth has gone online, and will probably keep me from sleeping for several days. If you'd wondered how an eye in the palm of a hand would dart around, staring into your soul, this is the footage you've been waiting for. Recommended as a jumping point if you're looking to perform disfiguring experiments on a friend or family member. You don't want to just start tooling around without a goal.
I should note that the trailer is in a low-quality Flash file and in Spanish. And it may be cursed.
May 12 2006Who Killed the Electric Car Trailer
For you hippy liberals who believe that we're running out of oil, that exhaust is destroying the earth, and that there's some sort of conspiracy to suppress the electric car, watch this trailer for the documentary Who Killed the Electric Car? and hold one of your silly rallies. But for those of you who recognize that dinosaurs were basically large dogs, meaning if we perform a sort of "canine holocaust," we'll have more fuel in just a few years, continue your work on creating a double-decker Hummer flame thrower. And use it to kill some dogs!
May 11 2006Another Trailer for Pixar's Cars
On Yahoo! you can see a new trailer for Pixar's latest animation venture, Cars, which continues to look horrendous. When Knight Rider is sounding like a better movie about talking cars, you know you're really doing something wrong. Actually, the original television Knight Rider looks better than this, too. As does that scene in Suburban Commando where the car alarm tells Hulk Hogan to back away, causing the muscular alien to attack it violently. Basically, any instance of a car talking looks better than this.
May 11 2006Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny Photos
Soon you will be able to see the fictionalized story of the formation of Jack Black's rock duo in Tenacious D in "The Pick of Destiny," but until then, take the "Guitarway To Heaven" and enjoy the photos that have shown up here. Keep in mind that if you don't take the "Guitarway To Heaven," the only other option is the "Painful, Non-Consentual Sodomyway To Heaven."
May 11 2006Tom Cruise as Iron Man?
After having been rumored for the role long before it looked like a legitimate possibility, Tom Cruise is apparently back in the running to play the lead, Tony Stark, in Jon Favreau's comic book adaptation, Iron Man.
Rumors have resurfaced that the couch-jumping Scientologist is again mulling a star turn as "Iron Man." Jon Favreau just signed to develop and direct the flick, to be produced by Marvel Comics' new movie arm, about a billionaire industrialist who fights crime in a super-powered suit.
Tom Cruise already hurt the Mission: Impossible 3 box office because of his crazy antics, so I find it hard to believe a seemingly sane man like Favreau would bring him on-board this project. The only advantage I could see to using Cruise is that the production could save a lot of money on costumes, since he probably already owns a few specially-designed power suits. Like the suit he uses to communicate with Xenu, and the suit he uses to impregnate women without have to touch their "gross holes." He loves that suit.
May 10 2006World of Warcraft Movie in Development
The game you pay $15 a month to play can now be the movie you pay $10 a day to memorize, as Blizzard Entertainment and Legendary Pictures team-up to bring World of Warcraft to the big screen:
The companies are teaming to produce a live-action film based on Blizzard's award-winning "Warcraft" video games, with Legendary acquiring movie rights to the "Warcraft" universe. The movie would not follow one of the games but rather be set in the epic fantasy universe, which includes orcs, trolls, elves and the undead.
This is probably a good thing for the six million people that play World of Warcraft, who now might finally have the motivation to leave their homes. The promise of human contact has obviously not been enough of an incentive. I expect the film to be pretty exciting for the first hour, then boring for the next 22 hours as you "level up."
May 10 2006Lady in the Water Trailer
Paul Giamatti hears splashing some nights and goes to investigate (this time, it isn't my chronic bedwetting), discovering a strange visitor in M. Night Shyamalan's Lady in the Water. The trailer for the film is up at Yahoo! so you can decide for yourself if you want to spend two hours building-up to an unfulfilling twist ending. Will it be that the lady is not actually in the water? Yes. Yes it will.
May 10 2006Knight Rider: The Movie
At the request of no one but possibly a small club that meets at comic conventions, A Knight Rider movie is in the works:
The talking car K.I.T.T. is heading to the big screen in the Weinstein Co.'s adaptation of Glen A. Larson's hit 1980s TV series "Knight Rider." Larson will write and exec produce the feature, which he anticipates will begin production next year.
Let's get this out there right now: the premise of a man fighting crime with the assistance of a talking car is the best concept we're ever going to invent for a movie. The question has never been if we make a Knight Rider movie, or why would anyone possibly make a Knight Rider movie, but when should we make it. Are we really ready for it? Is our talking car technology really at the point it needs to be to make this believable? We don't want to dilute Cristal, if you know what I'm saying. We need to be at a point where we can shake it up, pour it on America's tits, and say, "There's your talking car, bitch."
It seems unlikely that David Hasselhoff will reprise his role as Michael Knight, the show's lead, but it remains very likely he will continue making music only Germany can stand.
May 9 2006Daft Punk's Electroma Stills
The first images have turned up from Electroma, the first cinematic effort from the electronic music duo Daft Punk. A press release briefly described the story as follows, except in French:
Daft Punk' s Electroma is visual and musical which follows the history of two robots in their search to become human.
To make things more bizarre, the film contains no dialogue, only music, allowing the images of bondage robots to speak for themselves. While fans of the musicians have expressed a great deal of interest in the film, they're still way more excited about glowing, flashing jewelry and pacifiers.
Rave with more robots after the cut.
May 9 2006Look Up in the Sky Trailer
The only time I'll listen to fact is when it's entirely based in fiction, which is why I was just marginally willing to watch this preview for the Superman documentary, Look Up in the Sky, after realizing it wasn't a Sci-Fi miniseries about aliens. It seems like it covers mostly the television and film versions of the character, looking at everything from the old cartoons, to the George Reeves Superman of the 50's, to the famous portrayal by the late Christopher Reeve. The preview even devotes a fairly large portion to the Lifetime Channel of Superman shows, Lois & Clark, which, combined with interviews with what appeared to be Gene Simmons of Kiss, leads me to believe this probably isn't a very good documentary. And by documentary, I mean forum for Bryan Singer to hype up Superman Returns.
May 9 2006James Bond's New Ride: The Aston Martin DBS
When your penis is as small as mine, you've got to make up for it with a feigned interest in sports cars. Thus, I present you with some official images of James Bond and his new car to be featured in Casino Royale, the Aston Martin DBS. Sweet! It's definitely an elegant, sporty ride, but I'm not sure it fits entirely with the aesthetic of the rest of the film. I just can't see new Bond Daniel Craig driving this thing. I picture him in more of a barrel with wheels attached, throwing banana peels at pursuing villains--like Donkey Kong. While we're at it, he might as well be naked except for a tie, too.
Observe the overuse of suede in the interior behind the cut.
Continue Reading "James Bond's New Ride: The Aston Martin DBS"
