Apr 28 2006The Assassination of Jesse James Trailer
If you can stop yourself from reading about Brangelina for two minutes, you can catch the first half of the clever name fusion starring in the teaser trailer for The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford. While you'll get a sense of the feel of the film, don't expect to hear any lines from the man himself. The teaser bravely avoids any speaking parts from the actor, relying entirely on his star power and his signature icy stare of a child molester.
Apr 28 2006Pathfinder Trailer
If you wanted The Jungle Book to be more like Conan the Barbarian, you're in luck. Take a look at the trailer for the action/adventure Pathfinder, the story of a young Viking boy, accidentally abandoned in a raid against the Native Americans, who is then raised as one of their own. When the native village is destroyed in a Viking raid, the adopted Norseman, now an adult, rises up with his surrogate family to fight the Viking menace, finally ending the long-standing bar argument of who would beat who in a fight, Vikings or Native Americans. And the winner is Joe Weinberg, who successfully predicted, "Fine, maybe Native Americans, but only if they've got at least one Viking on their side."
Geeks hoping this would be a Pathfinder film based on the Mars rover will have to continue their Lego version if they hope to see such a thing.
Apr 27 2006Strangers with Candy Trailer
With ThinkFilm buying the rights to the prequel to the Comedy Central series of the same name, Strangers with Candy, the film will hopefully be released this summer. To tide you over until then, here's the trailer to the film on YouTube. Thanks to YouTube's handy "tag" feature, that allows videos to be searched by set keywords, who knows what else I'll find next time I search for "gay stranger cult." Hopefully, what I was trying to find this time.
Apr 27 2006Wordplay Trailer
If a film will ever reinvigorate the boring, brainy genre of the documentary, bringing it to the common people, it must surely be this, an in-depth look at The New York Times crossword puzzle. Featuring interviews with Jon Stewart, Bill Clinton, Bob Dole, Ken Burns, and New York Times crossword editor Will Shortz, Wordplay examines the phenomenon of the crossword puzzle, its presence in the famous paper, and the strange and unique fan base it has created. It looks to be the perfect distraction between knitting, playing Sudoku, and not receiving telephone calls.
Apr 27 2006Hulk 2 Villain is Abomination
Speaking on the future of Marvel Studios, chief executive Avi Arad revealed that the villain for the sequel to The Hulk will be the big, green, Yugoslavian counterpart to the transforming hero, the Abomination.
"Our Hulk," Arad says, "will be a diet Hulk. Lighter. Focusing on the love story, Hulk as hero, and his battle with the villain." For that villain, Arad has chosen one of his favorite baddies: Abomination, a former Yugoslav spy who has mutated into a 980-pound freak of terrifying strength and unpleasant demeanor.
Using another green, gamma-radiated behemoth as the villain to the Hulk seems like a good idea to me. The two nearly evenly balanced creatures should make for an intense on-screen encounter. It's the same concept that makes lesbian pornography--again, two perfectly matched specimens engaged with each other--so much better than other pornography genres: no penises.
Apr 26 2006Marie-Antoinette French Trailer
The French get it all-- the Eiffel Tower, American animosity, and now a new trailer for Sofia Coppola's Maria-Antoinette. As confident as I am in the director's work, I'm still not sure about this semi-updated take on a period piece. I'd say it's innovative for mixing 80's music with costume pageantry, but Boy George has been doing it for years. Plus, he dribbles paint on his head.
The real surprise of the trailer is how good Kirsten Dunst's bare ass looks. I guess I was using her teeth as a standard.
Apr 26 2006Wes Anderson Directs American Express Ad
If you can't wait for Wes Anderson's next film, The Fantastic Mr. Fox, or if you're in the market for a new credit card, take a gander at the director's commercial for American Express. It has his typical stylized look and quirky humor, so it's basically like getting a free movie, much in the same way that my gawking at employees of the cosmetics department of JC Penney is like having an actual relationship. Sure, it's shorter, and they're trying to sell you something, but it's better than nothing, right? And they're certainly better looking than the gals down at Kohl's.
Apr 26 2006J.J. Abrams on Star Trek XI
After it was announced that Mission: Impossible 3 director J.J. Abrams would breathe new life into the Star Trek franchise by taking over the 11th film, rumors flew that the picture would tell the story of Kirk and Spock's early years. Speaking with Empire, however, Abrams now says the rumors are unfounded:
The whole thing was reported entirely without our cooperation. People learned that I was producing a Star Trek film, that I had an option to direct it, they hear rumours of what the thing was going to be and ran with a story that is not entirely accurate.
So if you heard a crash this morning, don't worry. It was just a nerd's dreams shattering.
Apr 25 2006Some Dead or Alive Stills
I can't promise you'll ever get laid again, but I can assure you the Dead or Alive movie will be the next best thing. There are some new shots up that show that legitimate storylines and Dead or Alive won't mix, though wet t-shirts and Dead or Alive are like peanut butter and jelly. And about the never getting laid thing-- maybe you should stop collecting action figures.
More under the cut.
Apr 25 2006The Descent Trailer
What do you get when you shove six beautiful women together in a small, tight space? An erection! Or the terrifying, claustrophobic, British horror-thriller The Descent. Whichever applies more to you. The trailer to the latter is now online here.
Apr 24 2006The Omen Domestic Trailer
For those of you filled with too much patriotism to download the international trailer for The Omen, the domestic trailer is now available. It's chock full of new footage, including the above shot, which shows that if you give birth to the Devil, you're less phased by other supernatural occurrences, such as Sarah Jessica Parker sneaking up behind you in the bathroom.
Apr 24 2006The Lake House Trailer
In what can only be described as a major coup for providers of low quality embedded media, AOL and Moviefone have scored the exclusive trailer for Warner's new romantic thing, The Lake House. If you thought the cast of Speed writing letters to each other would make great cinema, you're in luck. In this remake of a Korean film from 2000, Sandra Bullock lives in a lakefront shanty and gets letters from Keanu Reeves. They fall in love during the ensuing correspondence, only to discover that he's writing to her from the same ramshackle house two years in the past. Recommended viewing if you thought Frequency would have been better if Dennis Quaid and Jim Caviezel wanted to fuck.
Apr 24 2006Bandidas Trailer
If you like it when bandits is written in the Spanish feminine form, you need to see the trailer for Bandidas. The film, starring Selma Hayek and Penelope Cruz, tells the story of a pair of women who become bank robbers to combat a tyrannical local enforcer, proving that despite the antiquated reputation women have of being the weaker sex, they're capable of anything a man is and more. Cleverly, the filmmakers show this through comic ineptitude and cheesecake action. It essentially looks as if the movie is an hour-and-a-half of saying that women like fashion and whining too much to be competent at anything, which is kind of sad, since my Grandpa can do the same thing over a Thanksgiving dinner.
