Mar 24 2006United 93 Trailer
The trailer for United 93 is now available, providing the first real look at the courageous 9/11 story writer/director Paul Greengrass has created. I was all set to hate this trailer just for it's subject matter alone (I only show my patriotism through bumper stickers and racial prejudice), but then I saw the above shot of the pilots, their hands romantically close as they push the throttle, and I was sold. I had this movie all wrong. This isn't an exploitive, hokey, thriller. This is a true romance. This will do for 9/11 what Titanic did for the Titanic disaster: help us dismiss the tragic elements and replace them with sex.
When I saw that touching moment in this trailer, I'll be honest, I shed a single tear. As it ran down my face, I looked into one of my (many) bedside mirrors. The tear, in its salty wetness, had written, "Let's Roll" across my cheek. And my clothes...they had become American flags! Suddenly, the room was full of majestic bald eagles, their calls sounding suspiciously like our National Anthem! And, somehow, I had finished an entire bottle of cold medicine.
Mar 24 2006The Notorious Bettie Page Notorious Clip
Ain't It Cool News has an exciting clip from The Notorious Bettie Page, showing some of the actresses from the movie re-enacting a Bettie Page bondage film. It doesn't really provide any feeling for what the movie is like, but it does feature women in underwear tying each other up and spanking. So don't complain, or I'll point out your wandering gaze at the urinals. That's right, I caught you, pervert.
Mar 24 2006Art School Confidential Trailer #2
The first trailer for Art School Confidential didn't look that interesting to me, but with the second, more of the plot of director Terry Zwigoff's dark comedy is revealed, and it's starting to look pretty decent. Seeing the young cast facing the trials and tribulations of college started to remind me of my glory days back in art school, when all I did was paint and get laid. Or maybe it reminded me more of my four days living in a Shell Station bathroom, eating thrown-away Hostess cakes and showering in the sink. Whichever actually happened.
Mar 24 2006Vince Vaughn Fighting George Clooney For Magnum P.I.?
The latest casting rumor regarding the feature adaptation of the popular 80's television series, Magnum P.I., is that Vince Vaughn is now contending with George Clooney for the lead:
The scriptwriter is Rawson Marshall Thurber, who wrote Dodgeball, and there are several other guys on the Magnum movie with connections to Vince. George is still favourite but, as time goes by, Vince's name will be thrown up more and more.
When will these Hollywood big-wigs realize that role of Thomas Magnum isn't the kind you can cast with good looks, star power, or comedic timing. This decision needs to be based solely on a mustache. You find the right mustache and the rest will take care of itself. The same goes for NASCAR drivers and child molesters.
Mar 23 2006Snakes on a Plane Has a Logo
For whatever reason, the makers of Snakes on a Plane have deemed it necessary for the film to have a logo, and Entertainment Weekly's got the scoop. It basically looks like if the American Medical Association logo were designed to be airbrushed on the hood of a Camaro. It's that awesome. And it's just in time, too; I have a tattoo appointment at 4:30.
Mar 23 2006Mission: Impossible III Poster
The new poster for Mission: Impossible III has been released, finally completing the trilogy of Tom Cruise looking intense in profile. I thought since he's been getting such negative press lately, they might shy away from showing him too prominently, but there he is, looking like a guerilla Time Life operator. If you look closely, you can see his thumb is resting on a small, red button. This is a rare, private look at Cruise's "crazy button."
Mar 23 2006Gary Oldman to Return to Harry Potter
For those Harry Potter fans nervous about Gary Oldman's unconfirmed involvement in the next film in the series, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, worry no longer. According to GaryOldman.info, a deal has been reached, and Oldman will be reprising his role as Sirius Black. Sadly, the one person disappointed for the news was the creator of GaryOldman.info, who quickly realized this was probably the only time anyone would ever be interested in exclusive Gary Oldman information.
Mar 23 2006Daniel Craig to Continue Being Bond
Despite the protests of fans and websites, producer Barbara Broccoli has indicated that Daniel Craig will be returning to the Bond franchise to continue the story they start in Casino Royale, saying:
We are already working on the sequel. We're in the early stages of that. It will be an original story but will continue part of what the story is in Casino Royale.
This seems premature, seeing that they haven't even made the horrible movie yet, but I'll let Barbara Broccoli do whatever she wants. The critical fans still win as long as they continue to not have the name of a cartoon vegetable.
Mar 22 2006The Da Vinci Code Full Trailer
Before you forget that The Da Vinci Code was popular a couple years ago, make sure you watch the trailer for Ron Howard's film version. Yahoo! Movies has posted an exclusive trailer for the upcoming movie, starring Tom Hanks as the intrepid Lou Da Vinci, great-grandson of the famous Leonardo, who inherits the famous Mona Lisa only to trade it to an albino for a pizza. Whoops! How is he going to get it back? By dressing up like a woman and sneaking into Albino College! It's Da Vinci Co-Ed!*
*This may not actually be the plot, but I think that would make a better movie that this.
Mar 22 2006X-Men: The Last Stand Images Still Goofy
A couple more X-Men 3 pictures have turned up, providing a fuller documentation of the destruction of the franchise. The images prove that Beast still looks like My Pet Monster and that no matter how well Magneto may control magnetism, old guys still don't know how to load a dishwasher. It's true--they don't!
See Beast stand awkwardly after the jump.
Mar 22 2006Little Miss Sunshine Trailer
Apple now has a high-definition trailer for Little Miss Sunshine up, telling the story of a dysfunctional family traveling to California for a child's beauty pageant. Even though it's in the all-too-familiar pseudo-subtle comedy style that seems almost required in independent movies these days, it still looks better than most things coming out any time soon, especially with Steve Carell involved. And at least watching that will keep me from staring at this photograph of an old man's testicles that someone slid under my door yesterday. Where did it come from and why can't I throw it away? These are questions I can't answer. I fear it's magic. The photograph, not the testicles. They're pretty standard, besides being very old.
Mar 22 2006Simon Pegg Begins Hot Fuzz Video Diary
Simon Pegg, one of the brilliant minds behind Shaun of the Dead, has started a video diary to record the progress of his new cop comedy, Hot Fuzz. Filming doesn't begin for another week, so there aren't any actual scenes or sets yet, but that doesn't stop you from seeing the surprising preparations being done to make the action authentic. You can see Pegg pull some exciting bicycle skids, see him shoot some guns, and if you hurry to my apartment, see a man simultaneously use the bathroom, weep, and masturbate. Nevermind, I just finished one.
Mar 20 2006Snakes on a Plane Footage is Amazing
Look at this footage for Snakes on a Plane and try not to agree that you've "had it with these snakes." You think they're just on the ground, in holes, in some high weeds, things like that, right? Not in this case. This is going to sound absolutely crazy, you might not believe it at first, but these particular snakes are actually on a plane. It's a tough issue to deal with; it's close-quarters up there, and snakes aren't traditionally found on planes. No one knows how to deal with them... except one badass fucker named Sam Jackson (this may or may not be his name in the movie).
This biggest mistake I see in this movie isn't the ridiculous plot, or even that the effects look like they're painted by Bob Ross, but that the stewardess is fighting the snakes by cutting them apart. Doesn't she know that cutting a snake in half just makes two snakes, each as deadly as the first? You need to make sure you kill them or they'll use math against you, specifically multiplication. The one exception is constrictors, which, even if they continue to multiply as you cut them apart, will eventually become small enough that they can't constrict you. Still, why leave anything to chance? Treat them like a parking lot rapist and use a Taser, like Samuel L. Jackson does.
NOTE: The website will ask you to "Sign Up Now & Add Snakes on a Plane as a Friend." Snakes on planes should not be considered friends, under any circumstances.
Mar 20 2006High Score Trailer
The official site for the documentary High Score has posted its trailer online. The film follows Bill Carlton in his attempt to beat the twenty-year-old record for the Atari video game Missile Command, a task he estimates will take around 55 hours. From the looks of the trailer, it sounds like it will be an arduous task, but Bill seems up to the task, noting that, "Nobody ever made history by being a big puss." Though, sadly, I'm not sure how many people have made history by playing Missile Command non-stop either. Unless he means a history of obesity, scarring acne, public ridicule, and adult virginity. Then he's spot on.
Mar 20 2006The Office Going Online for Summer
Fans of NBC's The Office will be treated to some new episodes even when the show breaks for the summer. The network announced that it will release 10 web-only episodes on NBC.com during the summer, involving a plot that will reveal a mystery surrounding some of the secondary characters:
In a news release, the network said the "webisodes" will focus on a mystery facing the accounting staff of the Dunder-Mifflin paper company. The three characters -- Angela, Kevin and Oscar -- are secondary parts of the regular ensemble cast.
I'm not the biggest fan of the American The Office, but it's still better than most sitcoms on the air right now, so I'll take it. My worry is that their being online-only probably means shorter and lower quality. However, maybe that's unfounded, since that hasn't yet been the case for online-only porngraphy. I mean, have you seen this Wifey lady's videos? If it weren't for her being somewhat homely and shooting the videos in a trashy living room with a ten-year-old camcorder, you'd never know she was an "amateur." If that's the quality being web-only creates, then maybe more of television should be web-only. At least in terms of raw numbers of handjobs.
