Live Blogging: The Golden Globes

I was debating whether or not to do this because I wasn't sure if I was going to have enough time, but I figure a supermodel orgy only takes about an hour, so after that I'd have all the free time in the world. Anyways, I'm getting a late start on this since I'm on the West Coast and not very good with time, but I'll try to get caught up here.

10:55 - Brokeback Mountain won for Best Picture. Nothing else interesting has happened for the past 40 minutes or so. They should consider handing out the big awards earlier on when people are still interested in the show. Or at least throw in some pyrotechnics to draw the audience back in. By the end, I almost couldn't wait for the thing to be over. You can check out the complete list of nominations and winners here.

10:19 - Ryan Phillippe yelled out "You better pay up!" to Joaquin Phoenix after he won for Best Actor in a Musical or Comedy. I can only assume they had a bet going that Joaquin would lose. Either that, or Ryan Phillippe is just the most inappropriate person in the history of the world.

10:07 - They cut to a quick shot of George Clooney trying to hold a shot glass in his eye socket. That man is my hero.

10:04 - Is it my imagination, or was Gwyneth Paltrow faking a slight Irish accent? She did a great job presenting Anthony Hopkin's award though, so I won't give her too much grief. Although it really was kind of weird.

9:50 - It would have been nice to actually have been able to hear the music that got nominated. 6 seconds doesn't really cut it for me, especially considering music plays at least a third of the emotional impact of films. Give these guys a little more credit, man.

9:38 - When did Penelope Cruz get to be so fat?

9:37 - I thought one guy was going to accept the award for Desperate Housewives, but every single person involved decided to get up on stage. And it's nice that Teri Hatcher took the opportunity to be an even bigger attention whore than she usually is.

9:30 - I don't think anybody has ever thanked a typewriter before in their acceptance speech. Oh Larry McMurtry, you're the craziest cat in town.

9:15 - Could Jonathan Rhys-Meyers be any more serious?

9:02 - Not surprising that Chris Rock acknowledged Martin Luther King day. And I didn't know that they had an award category called "Best Actress in either Desperate Housewives or Weeds."

8:51 - It's about bloody time Steve Carell be honored for his genius. Although I wonder if his wife actually wrote that acceptance speech. Oh Steve, you sneaky little devil.

8:46 - That was an awkward little moment with Matt Dillon having to remind Queen Latifah that it was her turn to speak.

8:38 - All - I repeat all - acceptance speeches should be done like Hugh Laurie's. Let his acceptance speech be the example from which all future acceptance speeches be judged.

8:33 - That was a pretty awesome joke that Geena Davis just told. I went from thinking she was lame to awesome in the time it took for her to say, "That didn't really happen."

8:28 - When did Drew Barrymore's breasts get to be super gigantic? I assume it was about the same time she decided that she no longer needed to wear a bra.

8:21 - It's always cute when winners don't know how to get onto the stage. Sandra Oh sure is an excited little bunny isn't she? She went from psychopathic happy into bittersweet sad in a matter of seconds.

8:20 - That was the most painful Superman joke I've ever heard by Brandon Routh and Teri Hatcher.

8:12 - Rachel Weisz just won for Best Supporting Actress and I'm convinced that she's going to get the part of Ra's Al Ghul's daughter Talia in the Batman Begins sequel. She looks and sounds perfect for the part.

8:10 - George Clooney just won for Best Supporting Actor and Paul Giamatti is looking more and more like a homeless man.

8:08 - Natalie Portman is looking like a really hot lesbian with her short hair.

8:04 - I got sick of writing about the red carpet, but it looks like the actual awards are starting up. There's a pretty bad P****cat Dolls remix with the lyrics changed for the Golden Globes. Why do award shows always insist on doing shit like this? Nobody likes it.

7:36 - Eric Bana used to be a standup comedian? I'm so confused right now.

7:30 - Johnny Depp is looking like a real life pirate. I half expect him to pull out a sword and demand that Nancy O'Dell fork over her gold.

7:25 - Charlize Theron always looks nice in see-through clothes, although her belly button is a little more pronounced than I'm usually okay with. My God, if her face isn't literally glowing though.

7:15 - Chris Rock says "nigger" and it doesn't get bleeped out. That's good times.

7:14 - Why is Pamela Anderson covering her breasts with a huge black tarp? That's like Cindy Crawford putting white-out on her mole.

7:06 - Gwyneth Paltrow looking really fat. If she doesn't drop some weight, people are going to think she's got a baby on the way or something.