Feb 3 2006Bryce Goes Blonde For Spider-Man
Bryce Howard made an appearance on Tuesday's The Tonight Show, showing off her blonde dye-job for the role of Gwen Stacy in Spider-Man 3. I think Bryce looks pretty great as a blonde, and far more natural than I would have thought. Now, hopefully she won't react to her newly platinum locks the same way my mother did to hers: by leaving my father for a basketball player.
Feb 3 2006Virginia Madsen In Indy 4?
Virginia Madsen, who recently starred with Harrison Ford in Firewall, is the latest casting rumor for Indiana Jones 4. To be honest, I'm sick of all this casting crap. I want to know the plot, and I want that plot to involve a re-animated cyborg Hitler, invincible save for a section of his mustache that is vulnerable only to whips.
Feb 3 2006Shaggy Dog Coming To Super Bowl
When America demands more Shaggy Dog, Walt Disney delivers. Over at ComingSoon.net they've got not only The Shaggy Dog trailer, but the new Super Bowl spot as well. The TV spot seems a little contrived, giving the movie a play-by-play like the football game, but the trailer answers a lot of questions.
My favorite part is where it zooms in to the cellular level, showing the Shaggy Dog cells merge with the Tim Allen cells. The whole time before this I was thinking, "Seems like a great concept, a man turning into a shaggy dog, but I'm just not sure it's scientifically feasible." Then that shot came on and it totally sold me. Dog bites a guy, transfers Shaggy Dog cells, they latch onto the human cells, creates a man-dog-- it all makes sense. And here I was worried they wouldn't explain what was going on. Plus, he chases a cat! Like how dogs do! You don't need science to tell you that's funny.
Feb 3 2006Luna Lovegood Is This Girl
Warner Bros. has released some kind of Harry Potter senior picture of new cast member Evanna Lynch, recently chosen to play Luna Lovegood in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Still no word on when we'll see the shot where she's with a golden retriever, holding her saxophone.
A lot of the time, I worry what will happen to these child stars after their first role, but something tells me "Luna Lovegood" will be all right. And I'll tell her that when I see her stripping in four years.
Feb 3 2006Lucas Walks Into Alfred Hitchcock Profile
Matt Lucas, star of the British series Little Britain, will reportedly star as Alfred Hitchcock in a film with Ewan McGregor that traces the director's early life. I must say, after seeing his picture, I can't imagine someone casting him as anything other than Alfred Hitchcock. Except maybe as one of those little mutant men living in New York's sewers.
Feb 2 2006The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian
The sequel to The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe has been green lit and Andrew Adamson has been set to direct. The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian was officially announced yesterday and, considering the first has made $637.8 million worldwide so far, it's not surprising that they got the same director to work his magic again. The sequel will begin production this year and is shooting for a Christmas 2007 release. Although there's still no word on if they took my advice and decided to include a naked fairy sex scene. That's how you really get those butts into theaters these days. Naked fairy sex.
Feb 2 2006Lisa Loeb wears a bra
I'm going to be honest with you, I've never seen a single episode of #1 Single. Apparently it's about Lisa Loeb and it may or may not feature actual footage of her wearing clothes. Considering what I have seen, I'm leaning towards 'may not.'
Some more after the jump.
Feb 2 2006Harry Osborn's Role In Spider-Man 3
Over at IESB, an apparently reliable source has delivered a scoop about Harry Osborn's role in Spider-Man 3. So if you care about plot, and surprises and things, don't read this:
All the assumptions that Harry Osborn is the third villain the Hobgoblin are all wrong. Spiderman finds himself out numbered in this one. When everything seems to be at its worst for our hero, he finds himself an unlikely ally, Harry Osborn. We will see Harry battling his inner demons to make the choice between his father's legacy and his best friend.
This would seem to contradict the report last month that James Franco would be wearing make-up and appliances in his role, presumably as a villain. Unless instead of Goblin makeup, he just puts on random make-up and appliances when saving Spider-Man, which would make no sense.
I do, however, think that wearing random make-up would be a good idea for police and firemen saving people. That way, even if you're stuck in a burning building, afterwards you have a good story about how you were rescued by Richard Nixon and Dracula.
Feb 2 2006Dark Crystal Sequel In The Works
The Jim Henson Company has announced that Genndy Tartakovsky, creator of Samurai Jack and Star Wars: The Clone Wars, will direct a sequel to the 1982 fantasy puppet film, The Dark Crystal. The second chapter, titled Power of the Dark Crystal, will take place hundreds of years after the original, following a mysterious girl made of fire who steals a shard of the crystal, hoping to use it to re-ignite the dying sun. I don't know how they're planning on showing this film takes place hundreds of years after the first, but I'd recommend talking to Keith Richards, who's done a stellar job of appearing hundreds of years older.
But you know who's not looking older? That hot female Muppet from the first Dark Crystal. She's still looking like Gwyneth Paltrow hybrid with a cat, which it turns out is exactly what I go for.
Feb 2 2006Catherine Zeta-Jones Might Be A Man
If there's one role that's sure to earn critical acclaim (besides playing the mentally challenged), it's playing a transsexual. Surely knowing this, Catherine Zeta-Jones is rumored to be up for a role as transsexual cabaret artist April Ashley, an aristocrat whose marriage to Baron Rowallan was annulled in a landmark case. The article also notes:
Hubby Michael Douglas, meanwhile, once joked that he thought Cath was a "man in drag" when they first met because they didn't kiss until they'd been dating for nine months.
I can't imagine being called a "man in drag" was very appealing to Catherine Zeta-Jones, but I bet Eddie Murphy's little ears sure perked up.
Feb 2 2006Roland Emmerich To Ruin History
Director Roland Emmerich's prehistoric epic, 10,000 BC, has been picked up by Warner after the studio passed on the successful The Day After Tomorrow. The film follows a young mammoth hunter at the dawn of modern man, and is expected to have a budget of over $100 million.
I really don't care what Emmerich does with this film, as long as he doesn't mess with the continuity of Raquel Welch's One Million Years B.C. It's been sort of my "caveman encyclopedia" for the last few years, so finding out it has inaccuracies would really negate a lot of arguments I've had about dinosaurs.
Feb 2 2006Gervais Added To Museum
Ricky Gervais, co-creator and star of the British The Office, is the latest addition to the cast of the Ben Stiller comedy Night at the Museum. He will play the uptight museum director, joining Carla Gugino, Kim Raver, Robin Williams, Mickey Rooney and Dick Van Dyke in the film.
The role is a returned favor to Stiller, who appeared in Gervais's Extras last season, while Dick Van Dyke's appearance is an apology to God for making Diagnosis Murder.
Feb 1 2006Britney Spears on Will & Grace
NBC announced yesterday that Britney Spears will guest star on Will & Grace and play a Christian conservative sidekick to Sean Hayes' character, Jack. The episode will premiere on April 13 which, ironically, is the same date I'll be stabbing myself in the eyes. Coincidence? You be the judge.
Feb 1 2006Scary Movie 4 Trailer
Yahoo! has the new trailer for Scary Movie 4 and it looks like the typical stuff you've come to expect from movie spoofs. It's nice to see they decided to include Dr. Phil and Shaq though, because I don't think the movie was a big enough joke as it already is. Maybe for Scary Movie 5 they can cast Vanilla Ice and the guy from those Gazelle infomercials.
Feb 1 2006Coens Back to Bloody Stuff
Production is set to begin in May on The Coen Brothers' next project, an adaptation of the novel "No County for Old Men." From the description, it sounds like the film will be a return to the noir genre the duo has become best known for:
In the brothers' script Llewelyn Moss, hunting antelope near the Rio Grande, instead finds men shot dead, a lot of heroin, and more than $2 million in cash. But only after two more men are murdered does a victim's burning car lead Sheriff Bell to the carnage out in the desert, and he soon realizes how desperately Moss and his young wife need protection. One party in the failed transaction hires an ex-Special Forces officer to defend his interests against a mesmerizing freelancer, while on either side are men accustomed to spectacular violence and mayhem.
What I like about this concept is that it's very relatable. Hunting antelope, we've all been there. Finding some dead men, a lot of heroin, $2 million, right on. Some burning cars, an ex-Special Forces officer, all makes sense. If we can get someone to shoot Steve Buscemi, I think we've got ourselves a hell of a picture.
Feb 1 2006Mr. & Mrs. Smith Coming to Television
ABC has ordered a television pilot based on last summer's box office hit, Mr. & Mrs. Smith, in which a bored married couple learns they're both deadly assassins when they're hired to kill each other. Doug Liman, director of the film version, will shoot the episode if his schedule allows. Sometimes a film begs for a television version, but this isn't one of those times. How many times can a married couple learn they're both deadly agents?
"You're a deadly agent, Mrs. Smith? Oh, that's right. I think I remember that yesterday when you kept trying to kill me."
"Men never listen!" says Mrs. Smith with a shrug. The audience roars with laughter and applause, knowing it's true.
Also, no matter who they cast, they're clearly going to be uglier than Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. Do they think I'll drink diet once they've given me regular?*
*I won't.
Feb 1 2006Marilyn Manson Is Lewis Carroll
To the delight of parents everywhere, Marilyn Manson is set to direct and star in Phantasmagoria, a film about Lewis Carroll, author of "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland." The producer, Alain de la Mata, assures us that, "What people expect from Manson, they're going to get here," which I assume means a white latex bodysuit and prosthetic breasts.
I worry about this film. Manson's music has been known to cause teens to act irrationally, even to the point of linking it to school shootings. What if this film creates a similar effect, causing students to read Lewis Carroll, or try to be writers? The last thing we need in our public schools is more kids reading and writing. When will they do drugs, get each other pregnant and, you know, hang out at the mall with friends?
Feb 1 2006Tom Cruise Is Romantic
America's only true hero, Tom Cruise, may have his next project planned, having purchased the rights to an untitled romantic comedy from Serendipity writer Marc Klein. And why wouldn't he? Tom Cruise is a normal, heterosexual man who enjoys both romance and comedy. This sounds right up his alley. It's not like he'd prefer a movie about crazy religious ideas, aliens, and a pseudo-relationship with a hot young actress. Save that movie for a psychotic, closeted homosexual-- not my Tommy.
Feb 1 2006Tom Baker Up For Wearing Long Scarf
In a recent interview with Tom Baker, popular for his portrayal of the titular role in Doctor Who, the actor revealed that he'd be interested in returning to the series if the circumstances were right:
If they could come up with a good enough part I would consider it. It would depend what the proposition was. But I wouldn't want to make an entrance just for a cheap laugh. I've got nothing against cheap laughs but I just don't need to do that now.
I believed this speech until I saw the picture of him. Where are his eyebrows? What has this man done to himself? It looks like he's gained a couple hundred pounds. He's nothing but a cheap laugh. I'd be really interested to hear what proposition would bring him back. I'm willing to wager that a stack of sponge cakes would get him to do just about anything.
Baker also notes that he's never actually seen an episode of Doctor Who. Though he may be fat, he's no nerd.
Jan 31 2006Academy Award nominations
The nominations for the Academy Awards were just announced.
Best Picture
Brokeback Mountain
Capote
Crash
Goodnight and Good Luck
Munich
Achievement in Directing
Ang Lee, Brokeback Mountain
Bennett Miller, Capote
Paul Haggis, Crash
George Clooney, Good Night and Good Luck
Steven Spielberg, Munich
Best Actor in a Leading Role
Philip Seymour Hoffman, Capote
Terrence Howard, Hustle and Flow
Heath Ledger, Brokeback Mountain
Joaquin Phoenix, Walk the Line
David Strathairn, Good Night and Good Luck
Best Actress in a Leading Role
Judi Dench, Mrs. Henderson Presents
Felicity Huffman, Transamerica
Keira Knightly, Pride and Prejudice
Charlize Theron, North Country
Reese Witherspoon, Walk the Line
Best Supporting Actor
George Clooney, Syriana
Paul Giamatti, Cinderella Man
Jake Gyllenhaal, Brokeback Mountain
Matt Dillon, Crash
William Hurt, Syriana
Best Supporting Actress
Amy Adam, Junebug
Catherine Keener, Capote
Francis McDormand, North Country
Rachel Weisz, The Constant Gardener
Michelle Williams, Brokeback Mountain
These are just the biggies, but you can check out the complete list at the official site.
Jan 31 2006Mary Jane To Descend Staircase In Spider-Man 3
New pictures leaked from Spider-Man 3 show Kirsten Dunst wearing an elegant blue dress on an unidentified set. Many are speculating about what exactly the pictures portray, so let me offer my own theory: She's descending from a lesbian spaceship, where she, Bryce Howard, and several other still unannounced stars were having a time of it. Either that, or she's just in some kind of play or some bullshit.
Jan 31 2006It's Not Called GymNICEtics
If you consider yourself a member of the human race, I demand you watch the trailer for Stick It. The premise is that a stunt bike riding tomboy gets in trouble with the law by breaking a window and has to face the consequences. So she goes to juvenile hall, right? Or maybe has to work really hard to earn enough money to pay for the window? You're probably just narrow-minded enough to think that. Obviously, she has to join a gymnastics team coached by Jeff Bridges.
Though I initially thought the premise was a bit of a stretch, I soon remembered the time that guy robbed a liquor store and had to join a cheerleading team coached by Martin Sheen. And the time that guy murdered a family of six and had to join Michael Keaton's wiffle ball league. Some said the punishment didn't fit the crime, but they sure shut up once they saw Keaton holding that championship trophy over his head.
Jan 31 2006Next Harry Potter Film Will Include Other Races
With filming set to start on the fifth, CBBC has revealed that George Harris has been cast as Kingsley Shacklebolt in the fifth Harry Potter film, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Harris is an interesting and accomplished actor, having been in films like Raiders of the Lost Ark and more recently The Interpreter, so I'm sure he'll do fine in the role. My bigger concern is that somehow this news will be the first message to reach an alien race. They'll come to me to explain it, and I'll have to say how Shacklebolt is a member of the Order of the Phoenix, the group set up to fight the evil Lord Voldemort, who works as a Dark Wizard catcher for the Ministry of Magic, whereupon the aliens will recognize us as an idiot race and continue on their way.
Jan 31 2006Repo Man Sequel Means More Emilio
Alex Cox, director of the 1984 Emilio Estevez cult hit Repo Man, has said in an interview on the newest DVD release of the film that one of the stars has come up with a premise for a possible sequel:
Miguel Sandoval has actually come up with an alternative sequel to Repo Man, for a very small fee, which is -- we steal the idea for John Boorman's film Point Blank. Otto comes back for revenge on the four repo men.
He continued that he hoped to get much of the original cast involved. The news must have been exciting for Estevez, who, before beginnning Bobby, was probably actually working as a repo man. Now if someone could just cobble together a fourth Might Ducks movie, I'd be in Este-Heaven.
Jan 31 2006Conaco Gets A Pilot
Conan O'Brien's production company, Conaco, has scored a pilot on NBC:
O'Brien's Conaco, along with NBC Universal TV Studio, is behind an as-yet-untitled hourlong drama, formerly titled The Haskett Chronicles, from writer Willie Reale (Keen Eddie). The potential series revolves around a politician who is murdered but is given a chance to come back to the physical world in order to save his soul. This time, he's at a much lower stage in life.
There was a time I'd be excited about a television series being given O'Brien's seal of approval, but at this point I'm worried the series will just revolve around tugging on imaginary hip-strings and pointing out how abnormally tall/big-headed the protagonist is.
This series won't be the first to involve someone dead returning at a lower stage in life, since Skating With Celebrities did so with Dave Coulier earlier this year. Luckily for Coulier, after this point, he can't get any lower.
Jan 31 2006#1 Single features Lisa Loeb in a thong
In case you haven't been watching Lisa Loeb's reality show, #1 Single, you've been missing stuff like this where she prances around in a thong. I'm not sure what it has to do with her quest to find a boyfriend, but I'm sure the producers wet themselves when she decided to drop her pants. The only premise better than 'a millionaire singer desperate to find a boyfriend' is 'a millionaire singer so desperate to find a boyfriend that she'll drop her pants on national television.'
Maybe in future episodes she'll show off her ability to deep throat a sausage and do the splits. And then in the last episode when she still can't find a boyfriend she'll appear completely naked, offer her body to strangers on the street, and then complain that it's so hard to find a man that'll respect her for her mind.
LSFW clip after the jump.
Jan 30 2006Kate Beckinsale's sex scene from Underworld: Evolution
All the naughty bits are strategically covered, but I think I finally understand why Underworld: Evolution was universally regarded as being superior to the first. If a naked Kate Beckinsale doesn't make your movie a masterpiece, nothing will. Except maybe Christopher Walken dancing.
Jan 30 2006The Notorious Trailer of Bettie Page
Fans of the 50's pin-up star Bettie Page, or just general perverts, should check out the trailer for the new biopic The Notorious Bettie Page. The whole trailer has a pretty interesting look, with parts shot in black and white, parts in color, and parts in enormous panties. I don't know what it is that makes Bettie Page still so intriguing after all these years, but I imagine it's that there are thousands of pictures of her half-naked.
Jan 30 2006Thursday the 12th
I've always said, "Sure, Jason Voorhees is great at a-killin', but what was he like before he started hacking people apart?" New Line has finally responded with the news of a Friday the 13th prequel in the works, to be released on Friday, October 13th, the very day/date combination the film is based on! Though details are scant, I'm hoping this new film will finally uncover Jason's teenage, awkward stage, when the mask was just to cover acne and a bashful insecurity towards the fairer sex. I'm also hoping it reveals that Jason was beaten up by girls and refused to shower in gym, because then maybe they'll cast me as Jason.
Jan 30 2006Omen 666 Teaser Shows Devil Dresses Sharply
So Fox has released a teaser trailer for The Omen 666. In it, we slowly approach the Devil incarnate child Damien as he slowly drifts back-and-forth on a swing. Just as we get close to him, he quickly turns towards the camera, staring with all the evil inside him.
Except, he really doesn't seem that evil. I mean, sure, he seems a little pretentious in his smart little red ensemble, but I don't know if it's that evil. Couldn't they make his eyes glow red, or have him spit some flames, have his lower half turn into a serpent beast, or something like that? Maybe that's too blatant for some, but don't we need some kind of definitive characteristic to firmly distinguish between Satan himself and just some chubby shit of a kid?
Jan 30 2006Gollum Gets Prestige
Andy Serkis, who gained a following playing Gollum in Lord of the Rings, both Kong and Lumpy in King Kong, and having the hair of Brian Setzer, has been cast as an assistant to David Bowie in Christopher Nolan's new film The Prestige. In the film, Hugh Jackman and Christian Bale star as rival magicians battling each other for trade secrets. Here's a tip if you're going to be an assistant to David Bowie: know now that it will likely involve wearing spandex and at least a few awkward conversations about androgyny.
