Jan 6 2006Travolta and Allen are 'Wild Hogs,' 'Bad Actors'
John Travolta and Tim Allen are reportedly in talks to star in Wild Hogs, a new comedy written by Arrested Development scribe Brad Copeland. The script involves a group of middle-aged suburban men looking for adventure on motorcycle, only to run into a group of Hell's Angels, kind of like Charly without the mental disability part. The information came as particularly good news to Allen, who is grateful for any role that isn't another Santa Clause.
Travolta, Allen going 'Hogs' wild [Hollywood Reporter]
Jan 6 2006Tyler Perry Continues to Make Madea Crap
I assume as a result of my intense letter-writing campaign, the poster for the new Madea movie has been released. Still missing is the movie poster for Madea's rumored third feature, If Bea Arthur Were Black. Honestly, is this the best makeup we can do?
Madea's Family Reunion Poster Released [ComingSoon.net]
Jan 6 2006Flight 93 Teaser Encourages My Uncle
The teaser trailer for Flight 93 has just been released, giving an early glimpse of the April release. The film, directed by Paul Greengrass, is a real-time account of the hi-jacked plane of 9/11, brought down by a group of courageous passengers. Some have questioned the ethics of making a 9/11 movie so soon after the attacks, but Greengrass has promised it will be done tastefully, in the spirit of the bumper stickers where Calvin is pissing on 'terrorism.' While the trailer is careful not to reveal too much, it hasn't stopped my Uncle Gary from joking, "Why see it? I already know the ending," a routine sadly similar to his Titanic schtick from a few years back.
Teaser Trailer [Official Site]
Jan 6 2006Lord of the Rings Appeases Nerds
At the upcoming One Ring Celebration in Pasadena, New Line has announced they will be showing never-before-seen bloopers from the Lord of the Rings Trilogy. This comes as a shock to many fans, who had assumed the Lord of the Rings universe actually existed. When asked for comment, one particularly distressed fan noted, "This is the saddest day since I saw Lando Calrissian in that beer commercial."
Though still unseen, the clips are rumored to include such highlights as the time the ring wouldn't fit on Elijah Wood's finger, and the time Orlando Bloom seemed masculine.
One Ring Celebration [Official Site]
Jan 5 2006Josh Lucas In Next Batman?
According to Batman On Film, Josh Lucas, star of such adventures as Stealth and Sweet Home Alabama, may be in the running for the roll of Harvey Dent (AKA Two-Face) in the next Batman film. He might be decent for the role, but I'd take this rumor with a grain of salt, as a local homeless man also told me he was Batman, and that didn't exactly pan out. I mean he had a "Batcave," but it was just a propped-up mattress and some egg cartons. And yes, he had a "costume," but up-close it was just layers of flannel and soot. And wasn't "Robin" just a painted stone? It certainly seemed that way when he threw it at me.
Jan 5 2006Spider-Man 3 Requires Red Hair
Recent pictures show that Kirsten Dunst's blonde locks have been dyed red, presumably in preparation for the new Spider-Man film. To further prepare for the film, Dunst has remained a talentless snaggletooth.
Kirsten Dunst Hair-Color Comparison [People]
Jan 5 2006Woody Allen Hears The Term "Podcast"
In an attempt to fight the complete public disinterest in Woody Allen's Matchpoint, Dreamworks is hosting a series of related podcasts, a term Woody heard only moments before stuttering at the microphone. Some executives must have worried Allen's wordy, neurotic movie-making may not succeed in today's fast-paced society, and recruited Woody to record wordy, neurotic banter in response. Let's hope that works out.
NOTE: Podcasts require iTunes and excessive free time.
Match Point Podcasts [Official Site]
Jan 5 2006Fearless Involves Various Sticks
The official site for Fearless, a new Jet Li movie, has posted the teaser trailer for the film. For those looking forward to seeing Jet Li swing a stick: he totally does--and how! We're talking swinging a stick sideways, over his head, back-and-forth, and even swinging a stick with chains in between smaller stick segments. It's not in English, but when you see this man swinging a stick I'm sure you'll agree that stick swinging* transcends language.
*At one point he also swings a sword, which only transcends some languages.
Teaser Trailer [Official Site]
Jan 5 2006Superman has sucky backgrounds
Man, they really need to up the budget for this movie. I think audiences might notice if the entire movie is filmed with a green background because the producers couldn't afford to film outside with real sky.
NOTE: If you can't sense my sarcasm then you need to stab yourself in the kidneys.
Jan 5 2006Ocean's Thirteen is coming
Variety reports that a third Ocean's Eleven film is in the works, after the producer received a script by Brian Koppelman and David Levien for Ocean's Thirteen. Ocean's Twelve had all sorts of problems with it and - judging by these writers' previous work - Ocean's Thirteen probably will too. The only way I can picture this movie not being a disaster is if the thirteenth guy they bring in is Chuck Norris, and the entire con consists of roundhouse kicking people in the face.
Next 'Ocean's' makes waves [Variety]
Jan 5 2006Pan's Labyrinth trailer
The trailer for Guillermo del Toro's Pan's Labyrinth has been released, and it's creepy as hell. The film is in Spanish and is described by the director as: the story of a young girl that travels with her mother and adoptive father to a rural area up North in Spain, 1944. After Franco's victory. The girl lives in an imaginary world of her own creation and faces the real world with much chagrin. Post-war Fascist repression is at its height in rural Spain and the girl must come to terms with that through a fable of her own.
The description sounds a lot less scary than the trailer looks. Then again, maybe a man with an eye growing out of his hand isn't supposed to be scary.
Jan 5 2006John Glover is Skeletor
John Glover - the guy who plays Lex Luthor's father on Smallville - has apparently been cast to play the role of Skeletor in the upcoming big budget He-Man movie. As sweet as it is that they're making a He-Man movie, I'm not particularly excited about John Glover playing Skeletor, and I'm even less excited that John Woo is directing. John Woo is good for a particular kind of movie, but I really don't see He-Man being it. Maybe they'll write in some dual pistol fight scenes and flying white doves. That's pretty faithful to He-Man, right?
Jan 2 2006Ultraviolet images released
The official Milla Jovovich site has a ton of new pictures from her upcoming Ultraviolet. I don't know what to make of them, but it's hard to go wrong when you've got Milla Jovovich dressed in a black wig and red leather wielding dual machine guns and kicking all sorts of ass. Although she could probably do without the goofy sunglasses. Maybe in the future the sun is burning twice as bright, and people have to look twice as stupid to keep their eyes protected from the harmful UV radiation. Damn you nuclear fusion. Damn you to hell!
NOTE: Now that I think about it, the movie is called Ultraviolet. Maybe I'm even more insightful than I'd realized.
Jan 2 2006The Breed first look poster
Bloody Disgusting has scored a first look poster of Wes Craven's The Breed, which stars Michelle Rodriguez, Taryn Manning, Oliver Hudson, Hill Harper and Eric Lively. The story revolves around two brothers, one a highly athletic daredevil and the other a much more serious and sensitive type, who in the midst of trying to patch up their wonky relationship - on a getaway at their Uncle's house - are forced to flee a pack of vicious killer dogs. At least they've got Michelle Rodriguez in it, so you know there will be at least one stereotypically gruff woman who pouts all day with her arms folded and says stuff like, "Follow me and don't fall behind."
Jan 2 2006Joss Whedon on the future of television
TV Guide has a great guest editorial by Joss Whedon on the future of television. It's not very serious and it isn't very informative, but damnit if it isn't funny.
Many people have asked me, "Joss, what is the future of television? What will we watch? And how will we watch it? Surely you must know, for you are wise, and slender." I usually smile and say nothing, because I wasn't actually listening to the question. But it's a good one, and I think it's time I let you in on a few highlights of Television-to-Be.
Sometimes I wish Joss wasn't such a talented bastard so that I could sleep at nights knowing that I'm not a complete and utter failure. Which clearly I am, because last time I checked I neither wrote nor directed Serenity.
Guest Columnist Joss Whedon Eyes the Future of TV [TV Guide]
Jan 2 2006No Hulk sequel planned
Despite rumors to the contrary, it seems that neither Eric Bana nor Ang Lee are interested in making a sequel to Hulk. This is great news for everybody, since Hulk was a gigantic pile of cow feces that I'm sure both Bana and Lee wish everybody would just forget about. If they really want to do a Hulk sequel right, they need to lose the story and go with a two and a half hour epic of pure destruction. It probably doesn't sound like a very solid movie, but T3 was very strong and based almost entirely on action scene after action scene. Although it also had a half-naked Kristanna Loken in it, so maybe that's why it turned out so awesome. Okay it's official, they need to replace the CG Hulk with a half-naked Kristanna Loken. They don't even have to paint her green or anything, just make sure that her butt cheeks and the sides of her breasts are visible at all times. Instant classic!
No Hulk 2 says Bana [Movie Hole]
