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Casting Things: McConaughey, Gyllenhaal, Adams, and Louis-Dreyfus Got Some Jobs

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- Fashion designer Tom Ford's follow-up to A Single Man, Nocturnal Creatures, is rumored to have a cast that includes Amy Adams, Jake Gyllenhaal, Joaquin Phoenix, and Sam Taylor-Johnson. Adams would play a woman who, after receiving a manuscript from her long-divorced ex-husband, "finds herself recalling her first marriage and confronting some dark truths about herself." She will probably look really stylish while doing that.

- Matthew McConaughey is reportedly attached to star in The Billionaire's Vinegar, a film about the real-life scandal involving the sale of Thomas Jefferson-owned wine bottles that were discovered to be fakes. And here I always thought "The Billionaire's Vinegar" was the virgin unicorn urine the rich bathe in to become immortal.

- Julia Louis-Dreyfus is reportedly in talks to star in Fox Searchlight's remake of last year's acclaimed Swedish drama Force Majeure. The film centers on a man who, faced with an avalanche, makes the panicked, cowardly move of fleeing without the rest of his family, causing an understandable rift between he and his wife. Here's an early clip somehow:

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Jason Alexander Returning to Larry David Surrogate Duties

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Jason Alexander's long-running tradition of basically just being a Larry David fill-in will soon be at its most literal, as the actor is reportedly taking over David's role on Broadway.

David is currently starring in A Fish in the Dark, a play of his own invention that is exactly as Larry David-esque as you'd imagine. The Curb Your Enthusiasm star and sick four-eyed pervert fuck is scheduled to leave the stage when the show closed in early June, and that remains the case still. But now that the production has been extended another six weeks, the Tony Awards-winning Alexander will assume the vastly David-like role of Norman Drexel for the remainder of the run.

Notably, the part currently includes a crowd-pleasing if pandering "pret-ty, pret-ty, pret-ty good." So that will have to be a "these pretzels are making me thirsty" or something now, right?

Desperate NBC To Resurrect 'Coach' with Craig T. Nelson

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Like a tired athlete desperate for a play, or a sick person who's exhausted absolutely all other Netflix selections, NBC is turning to Coach. The network has reportedly given a 13-episode, straight-to-series order to a belated Coach follow-up that will once again see Craig T. Nelson in the starring role as Hayen Fox--now 18 years since Nelson left the part to pursue not just being Coach. Co-stars Jerry Van Dyke as Luther Van Dam and Dauber are not expected to return, as the sequel series will apparently focus more on a father-son relationship. It's said the premise sees a now-retired Fox called back in to be an assistant coach alongside his own adopted son, who has just been headed with starting a football team at an Ivy League school. Yet still we'll wonder if Major Dad ever made colonel.

'Downton Abbey' Officially Ending While Maggie Smith Is Still Around

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The popular British series Rich, Boring White People and These Other White People Who Are Like Their Slaves, I Guess is drawing to a close. Carnival Films, ITV, and RBWPaTOWPWALTSIG creator Julian Fellowes today announced that the coming sixth season will be its final, executive producer Gareth Neame saying, "We can promise a final season full of all the usual drama and intrigue, but with the added excitement of discovering how and where they all end up." And as fans know, where they all end up will, of course, be dead or somehow in jail because of more murder charges.

'Star Wars: Rogue One' Has a Second Cast Member

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Ben Mendelsohn is being shipped off to fight in yet another of America's various Star Wars. According to Deadline, the Exodus: Gods And Kings actor--who you can now see more prominently in Netflix's Bloodline--is joining Felicity Jones in the cast of Rogue One, Disney's first Star Wars spin-off film. Godzilla's Gareth Edwards is directing the film, but further details are still not known. He'd be good as "guy squatting in Uncle Owen's burned-out dome house" though, wouldn't he?

'Fifty Shades of Grey' Director Freed from Bonds of Doing More of This Crap

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Like so many moms realizing dad is just not investing himself in the role, Sam Taylor-Johnson is through staging the bondage of Fifty Shades of Grey after just one go. Despite turning the adaptation into what's already a more than a half-a-billion-dollar softcore, the director today announced that she won't return for the sequels. There were substantiated rumors that there were disputes between her and author E.L. James during production, but Taylor-Johnson doesn't mention those in her statement, in which she "wish[es] nothing but success to whosoever takes on the exciting challenges of films two and three." Sadly, those hoping for a unified vision of the trilogy will just have to settle for the cohesion of whatever fluids have been left in the theater seats.

Drink the Sour Milk of an 'Alien Nation' Remake

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20th Century Fox is developing a remake of Alien Nation, the film that gave us casual racism between buddy cops in the days before Rush Hour and that thing with Jay Leno and Pat Morita. THR reports that Iron Man writers Art Marcum and Matt Holloway are attached to re-imagine the tale, which still stands as 1988's greatest pun for "alienation."

The original starred Mandy Patinkin as the first alien "newcomer" to join the police force, with James Caan playing his partner who hated these aliens here taking all our jobs. Also, the "newcomers" got drunk on spoiled milk for some reason.

It was, pretty plainly, an extremely on-the-nose allegory about actual race relations, but the remake will be modernized to now more subtilely ask the question, "How is this not the '80s alien film Neill Blomkamp is updating?"

Yet Another 'Lego Movie' Spinoff Coming from Jason Segel and 'Iron Man 3' Writer

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Well, looks like Warner Bros. really bought into the Lego Movie decree to let everyone have some playtime in their Lego bin. With Chris McKay off doing a Lego Batman movie, director Charlie Bean playing with Lego ninjas, and Rob Schrab assembling the Lego Movie sequel, the studio has now given another piece from their vast set to Iron Man 3 writer Drew Pearce and Muppets resurrector Jason Segel. THR reports that the unlikely duo are teaming up to write and co-direct yet another Lego spin-off based on a pitch from Pearce. Plot details aren't yet known, but the title is The Billion Brick Race. So, presumably, it's either like Cannonball Run or this is the super depressing Lego movie that tackles yellow privilege, racism, and their relation to Bad Cop killing an unarmed minifig.