Nov 6 2009New 'Despicable Me' Trailer: Supervillains Wear Scarves
How long have we waited for a film villain to combine equal parts Tiny Tim and Nosferatu?
TOO LONG. Don't wait any longer. He is risen:
Continue Reading "New 'Despicable Me' Trailer: Supervillains Wear Scarves"
Nov 6 2009Someone Finally Thought To Make Aliens Fight Ninjas
Specifically, the nation of Japan thought of that, opening the floodgates for Pirates vs. Predator, Zombies vs. Freddy, and Whatever Group Internet Culture Has Deemed Cool vs. Standard Versus Character.
This is the plot (the plot is basically ninjas fighting aliens):
Once upon a time in Japan, there was a band of great Ninja warriors led by Yamata called Iga Ninja. One day they witness a flash in the sky and a roaring giant ball of fire crashes into the distant forest. The warriors rush into the deep woods in an attempt to identify the mysterious fireball. There, instead of finding predictable enemies, they are stunned to face never-seen-before creatures with claws and fangs, the aliens! The hungry brutal aliens start to savage and feast on the Ninja warriors, leaving only a few to survive. Yamata and his warriors swear to avenge their comrades' deaths and risk their lives to challenge the aliens. However, none of the Ninja weapons, neither their swords nor their throwing stars, has any affect on the alien warriors. Now the Japanese greatest Iga Ninja face the biggest challenge ever!
Anyone else let down that the ninja weapons apparently have no effect on the aliens? If these ninjas aren't using swords or throwing stars, I'm not sure I care to see these ninjas. A ninja not using swords or throwing stars basically ceases to be a ninja (unless he's instead swinging nunchaku). That's just an asshole wearing a lot of black, fighting an alien.
Nov 6 2009New 'Sherlock Holmes' Trailer Really Wants You To Say 'Bromance'
If you thought the last Sherlock Holmes trailer was "wtf sherlock homes is not a cage fighter gay," wait until you see this one! You should have roughly he same reaction.
Continue Reading "New 'Sherlock Holmes' Trailer Really Wants You To Say 'Bromance'"
Nov 6 2009Bradley Cooper Joins Crazy Power-Granting Pill Movie
Forget mobile phone-based thrillers, everyone. We've got a new ridiculous, specific brand of mysterious-agents-chasing-a-guy thriller on the way that sounds even better (stupider): the magic pill that makes you rich and powerful thriller! Finally, a film that turns Kids in the Hall's Brain Candy into something terrible. From Variety:
"The Hangover" star Bradley Cooper has signed on to star in Relativity Media suspense thriller "Dark Fields."Neil Burger ("The Illusionist") is onboard to direct.
Project is described as a what-if story about a designer drug that can make you rich and powerful. Eddie (Cooper) is a down-and-out New York writer until he possesses a pill that gives him the ability to access the full capacity of his brain. He soon realizes that his newfound intelligence and success come at a hefty price as mysterious forces begin to pursue him.
That sounds really good. I really wish I could buy the cocktail napkin where the writer first scrawled, "something with some kind of really awesome pill?" That's going to be worth so much some day.
Nov 6 2009Warner Bros. Decides Who Has To Be in 'Yogi Bear'
Dan Aykroyd, Anna Faris, and Justin Timberlake!:
Faris will play a nature documentarian who follows the antics of a bear in fictional Jellystone Park. Aykroyd will voice Yogi, and Timberlake could end up lending his pipes for Yogi's constant companion, Boo Boo.
Aykroyd will voice Yogi? Maybe I'm John Stupid, but doesn't Yogi Bear sort of already have a voice? I'm thinking of the voice you hear when you're watching a Yogi Bear cartoon, and Yogi says something. That voice.
Nov 6 2009'Kick-Ass' Character Posters: Mom Disapproves
Mom is already asking the ticket guy to see a manager about these. "Why would anyone name a movie something so vile? Let alone print it on posters and hang it up for me to see! And children! Children could see this, when they only wanted to see a Shrek! It's offensive! It's just not right! (Sigh.) Something must be wrong in their heads."
Bigger versions that are even more distasteful here.
Nov 5 2009'Ghost Rider 2' is Darker, Still with Nicolas Cage
Yeah, someone still thinks it's a good idea to make another movie about Nicolas Cage riding a motorcycle and sometimes having a flaming skull head.
Screenwriter David Goyer recently talked to MTV about the project, and made sure to drop the superhero movie buzzword, "darker," so that we might think Ghost Rider is somehow going to be the next Dark Knight:
"It's not exactly a reboot," said Goyer, who's currently hard at work on his "FlashForward" television series. "I hate to say it's more realistic, because he's got a flaming skull for a head, but it's a bit more stripped down and darker. It's definitely changing tone. What 'Casino Royale' was to the Bond movies, hopefully this will be to 'Ghost Rider.'"The "Ghost Rider" sequel is planned to "roll before cameras next year," according to Goyer, who also said that Nicolas Cage is currently still attached to the lead role of Johnny Blaze.
"This story picks up eight years after the first film," said Goyer. "You don't have to have seen the first film. It doesn't contradict anything that happened in the first film, but we're pretending that our audience hasn't seen the first film. It's as if you took that same character where things ended in the first film and then picked it up eight years later—he's just in a much darker, existential place."
A darker, more existential Ghost Rider? Sorry, but that already exists, guys:
Continue Reading "'Ghost Rider 2' is Darker, Still with Nicolas Cage"
Nov 5 2009Zach Galifianakis Donating Voice to Shrek Thing
Joining a vocal cast that already includes most key members of the The Mask of Zorro Desperado (whups!), the always enjoyable Zach Galifanakis is negotiating to provide the voice of Humpty Dumpty in the Shrek spin-off Puss in Boots. The animated picture, as its title implies, follows Antonio Banderas's swashbuckling cat character and the events that led to his being in Shrek 2. Salma Hayak is also signed on, and presumably plays some kind of girl cat that also has a thick accent.
When will society finally evolve to the point of no longer typecasting fat people to voice fat animated characters? Not yet. Not yet.
